Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Bullying issues worsening

I really appreciate the advice. I'm not leaving up the details because I don't want to cause difficulties for those involved.

Without knowing the details of the mistreatment, if I had felt it was severe enough to justify a change of schools, I would also send an email or letter to the principal (in writing) to explain your understanding of the incident and request an investigation.

It's possible another staff member witnessed it or that the person responsible will admit the incident and provide their perspective.

I agree-- I'd address it with the principal in terms of "wow, I'd really like to understand what led an anonymous person to report this incident to me; can you help clarify or place this in context?"


I'm also so very sorry, but there are definitely studies which support bullying in schools coming from the top-- not just being a student-based phenomenon.

It's quite common in 2e circles-- most parents learn quite soon that TEACHERS can be bullies or even the ringleaders of peer bullying.

So sorry this is happening! My son says, and I quote, "they do all this bullying prevention stuff with the kids at school but they need to start targeting the staff with that stuff, too. Because the biggest bullies in the school are the paraprofessionals and staff and sometimes even the teachers."

As a side note, a child with autism was in in my son's kindergarten class, he was pretty much non-verbal. He had a one-on-one para. I noticed that the para wasn't warm and nice. I never saw her "mistreat" the boy but she just never smiled... she just wasn't warm or nice. It always bothered me a little. Then there was an event where the grandparents came to the school. Another child's grandmother came and was really disturbed by what she saw in terms of how the para treated the child with autism (and I have no idea what she saw). She reported it. There was brew ha ha but she was moved to higher grade just being a regular para (not one-on-one).

What one person sees as bullying the staff member in question may think is normal behavior. That doesn't mean it isn't bullying just that there often isn't a clear line between acceptable un unacceptable. If rules ate left up to the employees to interpret it can get crazy.

I once saw an aide yelling at kids for making a perfectly reasonable mistake.

Sadly, this happens too often. My son was bullied by his teacher and the aides in school and nothing was ever done to address it by the administration. We were told, in fact, by an outside psychologist who did a classroom visit for our son, that she had seen another child abused by a teacher (during another visit), and by the time she made it to the principal to report the incident, the teacher already had her union rep at her side. Nothing was ever done. The psychologist told us this as she was saying, "it's no use trying to address [the bullying of our son by his teacher] with the school, the union is too strong in this state."

I would definitely provide a written report to the Principal as you take your leave to another school, but be sure it is carefully supported by as much evidence as you can get - because these things can follow your child from school to school (which is exactly what happened to us and why we eventually had to take our child to private school).

Sorry - I may sound a lot like sour grapes here, but I am quite angry over the treatment my 2e/PG son received in 1-3rd grades public school. He is now in "8th grade" and it has taken all this time to convince him that he's not bad in math because of his first grade teacher's bullying and humiliation (he's doing calculus - mostly in his head until I make him write things down). So yeah, I'm angry.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that the environment has been poisoned. I'm glad the other parent felt moved enough to report the incident to you. I would collect as many details as possible and submit an official complaint to the appropriate person --probably linking in the superintendent and your local trustee on the matter. It's a question of "tone from the top", in organizational psychology lingo, and this kind of abusive atmosphere needs to be rectified with a top-down zero tolerance directive.

I hesitate to go on, but this really upsets me viscerally. No child--especially a vulnerable young child-- should suffer emotional abuse at the hands of someone in a position of power over him. Given the sterilized facts you've presented, my sense is that you are fully justified in removing your son from that toxic setting. I think "bullying" has become a softened, almost meaningless term; this is abuse.

I agree with aquinas. I would also cc the superintendent and trustee.

DD had bullying issues in her school in Toronto and was shocked since she never had an issue in NYC. This boy is a problem for the class and has more than enough instances where he should be suspended or moved to a different school but because it is gifted they haven't done anything. He basically stays away from DD since she isn't afraid of him and reports immediately.

So sorry. Bullying is quite unpleasant. There's quite a contingent of children in my area who are being un/homeschooled due to this issue with the public/private schools regardless if they're 2e, gifted, or not.

We had a small bullying issue with my 2e/pg ds8 when he was in kindergarten at a private gifted school (though most of the kids weren't gifted). To be honest, I hit the roof when I found out because this was supposedly a school which prided itself on being against bullying, being a 'community', and more welcoming. It didn't sit well with me as the school couldn't accommodate him academically either. Well, ds finished the year at that school but is being un/homeschooled now.

So you've got some options. You could address the bullying, cobble together a solution to the bullying, and see if ds or you could tolerate finishing the academic year at this school. Or you can say the heck with it and say we're outta here. It really depends IF you can work the school, teachers, etc. and come to some agreement or resolution. IF not, then don't be afraid to walk away.

You could always withdraw your ds and finish the academic year un/homeschooling if that's an option. I don't think any state requires a parent to file a report with kindergarten since it's not federally mandated. BUT I'd check with your local school district just to be on the safe side. Even if a local school district or state requires an end-of-year report, it shouldn't be much and would most likely be considerably less of a headache than dealing with a bullying incident.

So sorry to hear of this. Some may wonder whether the individual, knowing the principal and teacher support your son, may have planned for the moment when both of these supporters were not present in order to take their unpleasant actions against your son, believing they would be undetected.
You may wish to document what you do know, in a dated journal at home, in brief points. For example (using a fictitious scenario):
1. Son on playground, standing near monkey bars.
2. Female adult, name unknown, blue hair, paisley jacket, nametag on lanyard, standing near hopscotch.
3. Female adult, name unknown, magenta shoulder-length hair, blue pants, red handbag, walked up to female with blue hair and began discussion.
4. Female with blue hair pointed at son.
5. Received phone call from blocked number, 7:17 p.m. informing me XYZ occurred.
6. Son's description and anonymous caller's description match.

All information in this example is manufactured.

While some may agree on requesting an investigation, you may also wish to protect the anonymous caller who reached out to you. Therefore you may wish to NOT report the existence of an anonymous caller when requesting an investigation. Just have it documented at home.