Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS7 just not working at school

I wouldn't waste any energy on this. Your child is behaving in a negative way, and they're going to interpret that however they're going to interpret it. The only way to prove the immaturity judgement wrong is for your DS to skip, and thrive.

I haven't closely read all the other responses, but it seems your child might be responding negatively at school because the work isn't challenging. My son never went that far, but he did cry in frustration at having to do work that was many years below his ability. Like you, I couldn't justify his need to do that work, so I ended up taking him out of school to homeschool for part of a year. In that year, I skipped him a grade and he raced through that curriculum in about 2 months. The rest of the time he spent on passion projects and with private tutors in language arts and math. He loved it. He just re-entered public school and while he only skipped one grade, he's 3 years advanced in math, and the school has him in the right math class. If home school is an option for you, I would encourage you to give it a try so that your son can regain his love of learning. Then you can put him back in school in the appropriate grade when he's ready.

One of the other benefits of homeschooling, in addition to all the typical ones already mentioned, is that, if you're up for it, you can use it diagnostically. Experiment with different accommodations and adaptations, probe his actual academic and organizational skill levels (wouldn't expect much in the work skills area for a 7 yo!), stop and process any behavior that appears distressed, noncompliant, or disengaged.

You know he won't be behind academically, no matter what you do with him at home for the next few months, so that gives you some freedom to try to tease out the different factors, and also figure out a better fit for future schools/teachers.

I can't say how much I appreciate everyone's input.

Blackcat - yes, we are concerned about handwriting and concentration issues. He is distractable, but at this point I feel it is equally likely to be due to years of not being challenged and not having to work very hard, as it is to be due to anything else. The only time we haven't had someone "concerned" about his concentration was at one nursery school (pre-school?) where they started teaching Letterland to the 2 year olds. That might be common elsewhere, but it's almost unheard of here... (I just want to add that it wasn't forced, the school did it absolutely brilliantly, it was simply early exposure and fun "letter of the day" kind of stuff, no flash cards/drilling/stress etc. DS thrived there, and did really well.)

We have filled out ADD checklists every time he's been referred for anything - 1 at 5 for "school readiness" assessments, 2 at 6 with 2 different OTs (the first was USELESS), and then again for the IQ tests in July this year when he was 7 - the psych had us fill in a ream of behavioural checklists to ensure we weren't missing a bigger issue - every time we've done this, the items that overlap his SPD come back as relatively high, but it's never enough - or never the right pattern to make this a strong possibility - it is also always much more of an issue at school compared to home, or elsewhere - he can be silly at gymnastics, but he's surrounded by 5 year olds as they "forgot" to move him to the next class with all the age-peers due to his (lack of) height, but I don't think that's unusual given the circumstances? Not one professional ever came back with a recommendation that we go for further checks for ADD/ADHD. So I'm *fairly* confident that this isn't it.

He does have the school-related anxiety though, and I swear it seems like the teacher/HOD are out to do everything we've said the pros advise against. They are always making comments like "you're so smart, you should be able to finish this quickly", "I know you can do this," "come on, show me what you can do." *sigh*

After doing some more reading today, both hubby and I are wondering if dysgraphia may not be a strong candidate for some of the problems he's having. He forms a few letters very oddly, and punctuation isn't great while spacing is often awful. This is all far more pronounced at school than it is at home. When he's writing of his own accord, and about a topic he chose and is interested in, there's quite a big difference in the writing samples.

We've now contacted a centre that mostly covers reading disorders, but supposedly helps with concentration and handwriting (amongst other things) as well. My niece has been going for a few months now to improve her concentration and reading, and she is now performing very well at school. Both hubby and I feel it's worth doing their assessments and seeing if/what they can help him with. (site: www.edublox.co.za)

aeh - we are supplementing with Singapore Maths at home at a second semester 3rd grade level (so 1 year ahead), and his reading has always been ahead, but you are right ito study skills not quite being there, he seems unable to start and keep going without someone's help/motivation (not a self-starter). If it's something he enjoys he can keep going unassisted for quite a while (once he actually settles to it), but there are lots of IFs in there! I can't (and don't) expect the school to cater to all these ifs. I wish they'd TRY on some, but we'll see.

Thank you so much to everyone who replied! It's good to get the voices of experience and know we seem to be going in the right direction. Dysgraphia doesn't seem to be well-known/recognised yet here... while the teacher has been "concerned" about DS's handwriting all year, she's never suggested having an assessment done or doing anything except 'more of the same'. While I feel practice is always a good idea, I don't think it would be a good idea to practice now before we understand what the issue is and maybe get some help first so he can start practicing in the right way instead of what is perhaps the "wrong" way...?
To be fair, this is a young teacher who is doing her first full year of teaching - she was an intern in DS's class last year.

Out of interest, would noncompliant/disengaged behaviour be a red-flag for a disorder of some kind? He goes to after-care between school ending and us picking him up at 16:30, and does most of his homework there, and recently they've commented that he is whizzing through all of it and is doing so well. BUT when we do have some left to do at home he can kick up a royal stink about it. "Studying" for tests (ie, learning how to answer the questions rather than learning the actual material), has been the worst experience for me with him yet - it is so frustrating because I know he knows it and could do it easily but he just fights doing any of it every step of the way... For now I've told him we are taking a break. The spelling tests are still asking him to spell words like tree, fall, call, etc, so I don't even bother revising those with him because he gives me a look and then we end up doing words like gymnastics or brought... It just seems like a waste... and quite... degrading to ask him to spell "call" after that...?

Sounds like you've already got an explanation that doesn't involve a disorder. Your last sentence says it all. I would add that, given that his work ethic is different at after-care than at home, he's still the same boy in both, so that contraindicates a disorder. Rather, he values his time at home as his personal time, whereas the after-care time is not, so he might as well get some homework done.


Again, this behavior is contraindicative of a disorder. He's still the same boy whether he's writing for school or writing for fun. I'm no professional, but my understanding of dysgraphia is that, absent masochistic tendencies, "writing of his own accord" is not a thing, for the same reason that children don't frequently run their writing hands through a pasta press.

LOL Dude! Point taken.

I will say that even though there is a difference in his writing at home compared to at school, his "home" writing is still not great- if I compare to samples found googling "grade 2 writing sample", his work isn't the worst out there, but doesn't quite hit the average either. My hubby's comment on the writing samples on the edublox site is that DS's school writing is even worse than their "before" sample... At home it's better (maybe because he doesn't feel pressed for time? or that he HAS to? or is more interested?), but it seems like he needs help often remembering spacing and will sometimes leave out small words/reverse letters. He writes his p starting at the bottom inner point of the circle then curves it up and around to finish the stick... there are a few he does in an odd way like that.

But fair enough. Maybe we do just have 1 issue here, being lack of challenge?