Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Struggles as a gifted adult

Been there.

My boss wanted me to create a multimedia presentation to advertise our data services at the next tech convention, and she assigned me to take a 2-day, instructor-led HTML class the department offers regularly to assist. I figured I'd pick up a few tricks, since I'd done everything informally on my own before then, and this needed to look professional, so, sure.

Rather than having canned slides, the teacher would create code examples in a text editor on the fly, then open them in a browser to see the results. The results were rarely what he intended, and he could never find his syntax errors. Out of sheer frustration, I found myself having to direct him how to fix them. If I hadn't, nobody would have ever learned anything.

Talking about something I find really interesting and beautiful and/or complex only to see the slow glazing of eyeballs of the person I was having a conversation with. This happened so many times as a child that I just stopped having those conversations for the most part unless they were in a trusted inner circle. Every once in a while I have a conversation with another person and they follow me down the rabbit hole and I am so grateful to have someone to share that side of myself with.

same here - whenever I got sent to a training class, I would be so bored due to the slow pace (and my frustration with the people who were just not getting it). That is the most difficult thing - when I get frustrated with a team member on not picking up how our (complex) environment works as quickly. In fact, one of them told me I made him cry because one day, I snapped with a "you really should know this by now!" after I had repeated the same commands over and over again, until I got tired of repeating it. And I can usually tolerate up to 4-5 repetitions to the same person before I start to get testy. (no, I could never be a teacher)

And I am the same way when it comes to people getting lost after they have been on that same route a few times. I can usually remember how to get somewhere after 1-2 times and I usually can backtrack easily - I tend to have a good map in my head and a good visual memory.

but I have gotten mellower with age... I used to be so much more rigid and intense over so many things... until kids. I still get annoyed and cranky, but people have told me that I am much more mellow after the kids came along.

Been there as well, although it was quite a few years ago. The clearest incident of this was taking a Motif class. But since I knew X11 inside & out and upside down, and had already spend a few days looking at it. Turns out I new more than the graduate student instructor. I have shied away from taking classes like that since. Why waste the money when I can learn this type of thing with a manual and some time.

I won't describe these as struggles, exactly...but I've learned how to insinuate what I've identified as the optimal solution into discussions and decision-making in a way that encourages others to believe that they have come up with a terrific idea, which I then affirm and praise. I've learned how to quietly, but firmly, correct the same errors over and over again until the correction takes root in the system, with a minimum of confrontation or loss of face.

aeh, it sounds as though your style and mine are quite similar.

I like the 'just asking' mode-- which paints ME as the "dumb" one in a discussion or problem-solving session... or "hey, I had this crazy idea..." when I want credit for something.

This technique was so ingrained in me, having grown up in academia and then drifted into working in it, too... that my transition to parent-advocate was pretty seamless. This is one of the few methods of getting unpleasant info or changes made with educators. It's not manipulative exactly... well. Okay, maybe it is. {sigh}

It's evolved over time into a complete communication strategy, though, and I have some trouble being assertive enough to just turn it off and be me.

Ohhhhh-- this.

It makes me SO sad to see DD experience this. SO sad.

Mainly adding to this for the programming motif. When someone asks how my algorithm works, I struggle to first figure out at what level I need to simplify the explanation, or use analogies. I know that if I simplify it too much s/he will feel I am talking down to said person. If I don't simplify it... glazed eyes..., but I do not see any portion of it as complicated, so I do not know where a certain person will get lost. Most of the time, I side step the question and just show them how to use it.

I don't know whether it is a gifted thing or just a social incompetence thing. My views of right and wrong and what is/is not offensive seem to be different to everyone elses. I am constantly finding innocent comments (I think) hurtful and offending other people inadvertantly. Problem is if the person I offend complains everyone agrees with them whereas if I complain (which I very rarely do because I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt) I get told not to be over sensitive/stupid/unreasonable. Until recently I really didn't understand why I had to extend patience and forgiveness to other people when they got so uptight about things I said - I was constantly thinking "did I run to the teacher, boss etc when you did x or said y? No? Then why can't you extend the same tolerance to me?" Unfortunately it fed the belief I had that I should have to do what I would excuse everyone else for not doing.

Indeed.

Although time is more of a constraint nowadays for me, at least LOL

Still processing my thoughts on this topic as my frustrations are many and jumbled...