Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I know it doesn't REALLY matter but...

This is the only place that I can tell this story without being thought of as totally crazy. So, my DD was in the first year of a grade skip and had A's all year long. Most of her grades were 98+ except Language (grammar). At the 3rd quarter, her avg was a 94, the lowest A at her school. This made her nervous but she was determined to make sure she kept all A's even though she hates Grammar. So, she actually studied for her tests. She was nervous about the comprehensive final even though she had a 97 going into the final. So, we got extra practice sheets for her to do so she could practice "not missing" where something is wrong. The teacher pushed back the final to the last week of school that was all half-days to give the class more time. Well, the day the teacher gave the final, the principal wanted the students to practice for the end of school program earlier than usual and the class was rushed through the exam when normally they have plenty of time. My daughter got an 85 on the exam, bringing her quarter grade to a 93 and her semester grade to a 93.5 which the teacher did not round up. Though her full year grade was still an A. My poor little perfectionist was so upset and to make it worse, the test was on her birthday. The lesson changed from sometimes you have to actually put in some effort but it will pay off to... sometimes things happen out of your control and you just have to live with it and move on, but by putting the work in you learned the material better and it will be better for next year.

The positive is that it made another plus in her mind for homeschooling next year.

Awww-- poor kiddo. My DD would have been beside herself as well.

Good for her, though, in that she worked hard so that she didn't LOSE that A due to the final!! Smart, that. That's what I call good insurance.

Personally I think that is completely unreasonable though. If you are going to give a grade you have no right to shorten the time arbitarily. I can't imagine someone saying before a university exam - sorry we are giving you less time than usual because we want an early lunch. If there was, say a 8.2 earthquake half way through the exam I'm guessing they would just give everyone another chance or scale the marks (assuming the building didn't collapse and kill everyone).

We've actually talked about the zone of proximal development. When we brought our eldest home for homeschooling, I said right up front that my objective was to make math (in particular) challenging enough that there would be at least one test score in the 80s. If all one's grades are in the upper 90s with minimal effort, then the work is obviously too easy.

I certainly understand the frustration, however, nothing really harmed here, the desired grade stayed in tact, in fact, this was best case scenario in my opinion. Having raised a GT perfectionist as well who is now in college and being married to a Middle School / HS GT teacher....

The child learned that there will be circumstances beyond their control that often affect their performance and the outcome. That's not going to change. Control what you can, get over what you can't control. The best insurance is strong preparation, then good focus, from there, the chips will fall where they fall, learn to live with it. (in short, life isn't fair)

2. The sooner a perfectionist child, especially one who has straight A's gets their first non-A grade, the better. I've seen it over and over again. When a straight A kid gets their first non-A grade it's one of two things, either they have a break down for a couple of weeks or they cry from relief as they don't feel the pressure of being perfect anymore. In either case, they learn to deal with struggle without the result being perfection. If they don't learn that in grade school, they'll learn it in middle school, high school, or college, the later they experience it, the more devastating it usually is. Many a GT student has run into their first struggle / non-A grade in college and it crushes them to the point of dropping out as they don't know how to deal with it having previously not done so.

What would have likely happened if the same unforeseen events transpired without all the effort having been put into studying? Perhaps that final grade would have actually slipped.

Exactly-- I'd really emphasize that this was a great example of preparedness and resilience in action-- and tell your kid how PROUD you are of her for bouncing back from the unexpected curve-ball. That's a crucial skill.

Puffin, on the one hand, I was livid, because as a parent I much prefer the time be spent on the exam than on perfecting the program. The program is really a commercial for the school. On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to have these smaller opportunities to learn how to handle such situations, just as Old Dad said.

I completely understand that Chana, I've been in your situation numerous times with my to sons and felt the same way. Indeed it can be frustrating. Try to use any situation possible to pull something positive and educational from it is my thought pattern.

Especially as a GT parent, I've learned to pick and choose my battles. If I went into school / wrote e-mails of concern every time I thought there was an injustice involving my child's education, I'd be doing so almost daily and it would simply wear me out.