Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Processing simultaneous conversations

My sibling and I do this with each other so frequently that our respective spouses have commented on it. Oh, and while simultaneously responding to children.

my gifted DH has the opposite problem...I talk to him, or ask him a question, and after several minutes of me blathering on (or silence on his end) I realize he was somewhere in space (literally, he's an astrophysicist, lol) I often find myself having to repeat things or stopping to 'check' if he's tuned in. Talk about frustrating! Maybe you simultaneous conversation havers could give him a little advice so his DW doesn't brain him with his laptop??

As for DS4, I see a little of both sides. He can be so immersed in something that it's hard to pull him out of it - other times, he has picked on stuff that was said while he was clearly playing/focusing on something else...which, early on, made us wary to talk about him (or things that aren't necessarily appropriate for him) in front of him, regardless of what he is doing.

I wonder if there is a gender bias here...do you think females are better at processing multiple conversations in the way that they are (anecdotally) able to multi-task?

Actually, there really is some (not definitive) research that suggests that males are better able to tune out additional conversations and focus narrowly on one conversation, while females can attend to multiple conversations at once, but typically capture slightly less detail than a man focusing on his one conversation. Google "gender differences dichotic listening test."

Flip side: My DW frequently enters the room to shower me with an avalanche of information before having established my attention first, where I'm probably already focused on something. As a consequence, she gets to repeat it all again. And then she acts like I'm the problem for being a poor listener. What's wrong with a simple, "Hey."?


In my experience, tuning out is a learned skill, and it's taught through play. Think of all the chatter Little Leaguers throw at the batter. Boys do this sort of thing to each other in various sports ALL. THE. TIME.

Can't make a play on the ball because you're out of position? Shout. The other guy will probably fail spectacularly, and everyone gets a good laugh.

After you're that guy a few times, you start working on shutting out distractions.

Hmmmm-- it might be a thing that males are biologically SUITED to learning, that girls are less able to do.

There are perfectly valid evolutionary reasons why that could be so, in light of non-precocious offspring and extended maternal/tribal caregiving in primates.

It would be a serious disadvantage if women COULD learn to 'tune out' human conversations, yes? I'm completely incapable of tuning things out that way-- and I spent years and years playing team sports and also teaching labs (where there is a TON of student chatter). One interesting observation from those years of teaching is that female TA's and instructors tended to have fewer lab accidents happen than their male counterparts-- anecdata, of course-- but I think we were just more "attuned" to small shifts in "hey-- look at this-- is this right??" even when it was a student across the room from us.

I think that there is similar evidence for males being less able to "tune out" extraneous movement in a visual field than women are. Again, this makes sense evolutionarily speaking.

You may be interested in this sidebar on maternal/paternal caregiving and brain activity in today's news, which indicates we're not so different in this area: article.

Thanks everyone for the feedback on your own experiences! For those who can process simultaneous conversations--or those whose children can--how did you navigate the social implications? At what age did theory of mind around this ability begin to emerge? As of yet, DS seems to believe everyone can process two overlapping conversations.

When he talks while we read or watch a video, which he does about 20% of the time, I just keep going as long as he shows interest. I'm also starting to enforce a one conversation at a time rule to teach proper manners at other times. Let's face it, unless your interlocutor shares your ability, talking over someone is bloody rude, and it will be most painless for him to learn that lesson early.

Well, I'm afraid that some adults I know haven't yet learned this particular lesson very well, actually-- and I can recall quite a number of students who didn't know it even in post-secondary...

(and to those students, I tried to gently and privately point out that such behavior in a GROUP setting was rude not only to the instructor {me} but also to one's classmates who do NOT possess that ability).


We've emphasized to DD that eye contact is an important cultural signal that one is "attentive" to the other party-- as is an interested silence while the person is speaking. DD and I both tend to avoid eye contact with others naturally if we are processing what they are SAYING to us, and I suspect that this is because their facial micro-expressions can prove quite distracting as a secondary information stream for us. This is particularly crucial when those context clues may make it more challenging to understand the SENSE of the person's intended message, or where emotional content could hinder the ability to understand.

DH doesn't have that problem, but he's not the in-person empath that she or I are, either.


Yes, this is one of those things that goes along with "this is how NT behave."