Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Going Crazy in Indiana

Here are a couple of links you might be interested in:

preschool behaviors in gifted kids

levels of giftedness

The first book I encountered on gifted kids was deborah ruf's "losing our minds." It was helpful to me because we have one of the kids who fit into her descriptions. Keep in mind, there are many HG+ kids who do not fit into these descriptions.

Losing Our Minds

Hi HMY,
Welcome!
Sounds like you may need to test at 4 rather than 5 so you have some info about early Kindergarden. As for getting info 'right now' - you are correct - it's tough. You can try the Deb Ruff book, 'Losing our Minds, Gifted Children left behind' so that you can at least feel less alone. Do I think that you can really guess her IQ from reading a book? No - of course not, but I do think it helps to know what normal, bright, and gifted kids are often doing at various ages. I agree that as a first time mom, it's really hard to know what is normal. I got a lot out of reading the 'Your 3 year old' books - I'd read the one that matched my son's age, and the one for the next year, and the one for the year after that - so I could piece together a pie graph of which behaviors were age-normal.

So glad you found us!
Grinity

LOL!

I think all that is pretty normal for the stage and age. Especially with the first child, I was trying to figure out what was normal based on what I saw other children doing. I'll bet most parents do that. After awhile we all kind of figure out what is normal for our own child.
I hope your SIL isn't stuck on comparing the two. That might end up being uncomfortable for everyone.
Our neighbor is an exceptionally gifted swimmer. The kid was just built to swim and she's very comitted, works very hard.
Both my girls are having a great time on swim team, this is our first year. If I expected them to swim like their neighbor, it might not have been such a fun experience. I'm proud of all three girls, they are each getting something a little different out of the experience.
For the record, I've found it just doesn't work to talk frankly with our close relatives about issues concerning the girls' intelligence and capabilities. It just doesn't end well.

Dazey,
I'm sure I don't have any particular wisdom to offer.......I think several people can read the same thing and get different summations. I have to look back and see which article I was referring to, we might be discussing two totally different articles.
I also think one can master AND create.
It seems more common to go one way or the other, though.
I apologize for getting so off topic for the thread, all!
Perhaps we should start a new thread or PM for further discussion?

I think we're "lucky" to have a kid who is not especially athletic. It helps in our sportsy town for comparison purposes, which everyone seems to do. I try to point out things like, "yes, he's a pretty quick learner. But wow, your kid sure is great at _____!" This helps sometimes. I try not to downplay my son's abilities though. I just acknowledge and move on.

I like that St. Pauli girl.

My neighbor is undefeated in swimming so far this summer season. Can you imagine if I said: "Wow your daughter is such an amazing swimmer!" and the mom minimized it. Like if she said "Well, she's not that good."
That would be kind of weird, right?

I have to remind myself sometimes to not downplay DS's abilities. It is hard, sometimes, because it seems to me that the other parents just feel so bad that their kid is not doing whatever. But then I remind myself of the whole sports analogy, and think, "well, i don't feel awful that my son can't ride a tricycle yet, or throws a ball kinda funny." So, I think it's my little public service to not downplay my smart kid. Hopefully someday, our smart kids will be just as accepted and applauded as the star athletes.

Oh, and also, my kid seems to overhear everything I say, even if he appears to be completely involved in something else. So, I wouldn't want him to get a complex due to mom's saying something negative.

Was there much competition between you and DB when you were growing up? How did you parent's handle competition?

As far as wanting to hide - welcome to the club! Sylvia Rimm has a lovely bit where when other people make comments - when the others comment on 'gifts' shift it to 'character' - Smile, nod and say: Yes she's so curious, or interested, or persistient.

That way we can validate our children's uniquenesses, and at the same time, shape the children to know we value character traits - the kind that can be developed, not the inborn ones!

Smiles,
Grinity

Grinity, thanks for that advice about changing someone's comment on the gift to a validation of character. That's a really good idea.

Yes, my DB and I were competitive growing up (we argued a lot until we were in our late teens). DB was athletic and I was academic, so our competitiveness usually fell on the basketball court in a game of HORSE or something. Or with a video game -- he hated playing me in Tetris because I'd always beat him. He'd usually beat me in everything else.

My parents didn't really do much about it at all, to be honest. It was just understood that DB was the athletic one and I was the "smart" one in school. Not exactly the way I want to raise my kids. My DB is actually a smart guy but had a hard time in early elementary with a few subjects so that he stopped trying throughout the rest of his school career. Kind of sad, really. That's a big reason my DH and I want to make sure our DD gets a good start on her education so that she doesn't have a bad experience that sours her entire outlook on school.

Uh oh.. hungry 2 month old wants a bottle NOW.

LOL - they did enough! 'No action' sends loud and clear messages. My guess is that you feel DB got cheated and are mortified that your DD might play a role in replaying that situation in the next generation. That's what I would be feeling anyway. If you've never been able to talk to DB about your perceptions of things, that is a good place to start. He may have had totally different motivations for his underachievement - such as wanting to be popular. Maybe he picked up how isolated you were by your choices and wanted something different? ((I'm guessing here that the feelings of not being able to tell anyone about your DD without being accused of bragging have echo's of your own school experiences - and that's just a wild guess, but again - it true of my own experience.))

Anyway - I'm glad you aren't crazy, and I don't expect you do go crazy anytime soon!
Giggle -
Grinity