Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion unlearning learnt underachievement in GT adults

My younger brother has asked for my help. He is 32 and works as an actuary. He is always always bored with his job - even though this position was tailor made for him. It's very corporate with lots of rules and he often hears how close he is to disciplinary hearings for attitude, not working to his potential, being dismissive of people, not communicating effectively to those he views as knowing less than himself etc.

He is a stickler for the rules and often complains about his bosses/ superiors demanding him to stick to rules and then they themselves not complying.

He has finally realised that a large part of his issue is that instead of doing his best, he only delivers *just* good enough to get the job done within the required perameters.

I have been warning him of this since he was in Primary school, in cubs and scouts... He always only ever just *just* enough to pass or get the badge etc. Never his top work.

So today he asked me what he can do to unlearn this learnt underachievement (I mentioned to him an article I read a while back about learnt underachievement sticking after age 8 and being hard to change)

So I need your advice and help please - he likes practical steps, do x, y, z to get a specific result. He thinks people should work the same way. Any advice, links to articles, tips, tricks - what works for you, what works for helping your kids undo this underachievement?

Wow, tough question.

I have the abrasiveness trait (people here may have noticed that; I'm trying ), and two of my kids have the do-just-enough trait to varying degrees. When I'm doing serious work, I do my absolute best, though I've learned to recognize which jobs are only worth 90% effort (they're usually trivial ones and of minor importance to an organization; anything for a client is 100% effort). So here's my perspective based on that introduction.

For me, the only way I can survive in a structured work environment is to keep my mouth shut when I feel my abrasive side bubbling up. I try very hard to pick my battles. It's not easy, and I can really only last about two years working for someone else before it starts to eat me up inside. This is why I've been mostly working for myself for the last 15 years or so. Right now I have funding to run a small non-profit, and am doing meaningful work and really enjoying it. Doing your own stuff has a way of bringing out your best.

If working for himself isn't an option for your brother, I sympathize, having been there. Again, I try to pick the things I'm willing to voice an opinion about, and try to let the other stuff slide.

Also, it's possible that his employer is being harder on him than others because he isn't doing his best. I've had underperforming employees, and it's very frustrating from the manager's perspective. You feel like you have to spend more time with them to get them to do less work, and if you leave them alone, it just gets worse. So you tend to get tougher with them, because it's necessary and because you're frustrated. Your brother may want to take a hard and honest look at his performance and ask himself if this idea applies to him (it may not).

I unlearned underachievement in college. I coasted through high school doing minimal work and still graduated in the top 10 of a class of nearly 400. I attended a challenging college, and at some point early in my freshman year, decided it was time to be serious. IMO, this decision MUST come from within. No one will be able to convince your brother to put in his best effort except him. It sounds like he wants to do that.

As for strategies, I personally just had to bite the bullet and get used to working harder. It wasn't easy, and it still isn't at times, but I told myself that I wanted more and had to be willing to try harder in order to get it. This is what I tell my kids when I see that they're trying to coast.

HTH.

Thank you Val - I think what you say is very insightful and I will pass it on to him

I think he really wants to fix it now - I certainly hope so... He has always tried to chose things that he will be good at, esp where he is in the minority (ie he did dancing from age 6 right through university and even now - and because he was almost always the only male dancer as a child he was automatically lauded and applauded). I think he needs to, as you say, look at himself and go from there.

He keeps saying that he is ADHD and I just don't think that he is. Really I just think that his mind works fast in many different directions and he needs to learn to focus even when it's the things he has mastered already - because that is his chosen profession.

Perhaps it would help if he worked with a psychologist that has experience with gifted adults. I agree that this has to come from him, and just asking you is a sign he wants to change. But he may need a bit of help.

Don't know if there are any where your brother lives, but I have just been recommended a psychologist to work with my DS15, who according to her web-site works with gifted adults. So I know this kind of help is out there. We haven't decided if we are going that route yet.

Blue Magic - I think it would be ideal for him. In South Africa there are scant psychologists who do any type of gifted work - kids or adults. It's really hard to find them.

I will ask around and see - thank you for the suggestion, I do believe that it is worth persuing

I have not read it, but others here have recommended books like Living with Intensity and the reviews suggest that it has been helpful for gifted adults.

Also, has he considered whether he might need a career that isn't so tailor made and/or easy for him? It seems counterintuitive, but perhaps there is not enough challenge.

I can give you my story a little bit. I would breeze through school but had to maintain a tough girl persona. I went to a Gifted and Honors High School which really saved me, but still I did what I had to do to get an A and nothing more. I procrastinated to make school more interesting by making beating the clock a game. I went to a top 5 school and I think everyone there had a learned behavior to complain about the work and look like you werent working that hard. When I started with internships and my first year of work, it was so detrimental to have that attitude. What boss wants a worker who looks like they are doing nothing and waiting until the last minute to try to beat the clock? It affected my performance because I was around other smart high achieving people. I thrive off of competition and games. So instead of the game being beating the given clock, I learned to set my own goals and deadlines ahead of what I was given and I still make a game out of everything but I am only competing against myself on my own given timeline. Then, I have to beat myself. I have also made my goal perfection. One, of course, I will have a challenge to meet with each assignment.

I'd say it is quite difficult to break a mold one builds within a company. I'd suggest he find an outside pursuit that he is in control of and set himself challenging goals. Without professional support, some form of journaling one's intent and progress can be a way to maintain a self-responsibility and to enforce personal rules. Some of the standard business self help books, like 7 Habits have some tidbits and techniques to harvest. I'd also suggest Flow as providing a valuable perspective.

thank you all for the insight and ideas.

Chana thank you for sharing your story

Chana's experiences mirror my own-- I tend to not be a good "draft horse" in terms of work ethic. I work in two modes: think-time, and go-time. The former can look a lot like "doing nothing" to outsiders, but I've found that other cheetahs understand this particular work-mode, and once they've seen a few examples of what top gear in "go-mode" looks like, they leave me alone about think-time.

On the other hand, that only applies to settings where there actually IS sufficient challenge. I do not do well in environs which are inherently low-pressure and not very intellectually challenging, frankly.

My DH (also HG/+) is very very similar, and I mention that because he has never had an underperformance problem. Ever. But he and I both have a tendency to do what is necessary sometimes, rather than exemplary. But it's with things like those Val noted.

Honestly, it sounds as though the underperformance may well be tied to socially prescribed perfectionism issues-- the mention of task avoidance and seeking easy activities kind of rings that bell for me.

I was like that until my senior year in college, when, like Val, I suddenly snapped out of that mindset for reasons that I can't fully articulate or understand even now. It was DiffEq that did it to me, really flipping that switch into "it's really okay to put the pedal all the way to floor and just see what happens.." Before that, my ego was VERY tied up in being good (or even just "almost good enough") without trying.

It didn't fix the problem of being a hare and not a tortoise, of course-- and I mention that as well since it is (from what I've seen) a very common manifestation of giftedness in adults. The higher the LOG, the more pronounced it seems to be-- it's almost like a bipolar kind of productivity, if you will. Think-time is very important for fueling go-time, however, it is helpful to have two types of work activities for one's self, in instances where a boss prefers to see more 'slow-and-steady' kind of progress-- 1. stop-and-go tasks that are amenable to the rocket-fueled-after-cogitation approach, and 2. mundane, non-taxing, almost mindless things that need doing either way and that one can do whilst thinking of other things (item 1 things).


That way you can show the boss a list of 2. tasks each performance review, and a few dazzlers of the 1. variety that crop up rather unpredictably, but shine brightly (because they are the kinds of things that the average person cannot do).