Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Really Really Disappointed.

I tell you I can not wait until this school year is over! I flippin' hate my son's teacher. She just lives to knock him down a peg. She just flat out refuses to recognize his talents. He waits all year to get student of the month - no one picks my son ... Some children have been chosen three times!!! Some twice, My son once .. at the end of the year. All year he's been wanting his writing to be included in "ShareFest" - only the two kids in the class with highest score on the writing assignment get chosen. A few months ago my son was one of the three highest and so they drew straws and guess who lost out? ... you guessed it - my poor kid. Then, this month, the final sharefest of the year he wrote this great story and allegedly the teacher told him that it could be in sharefest but she wants to give someone else a chance so he doesn't get to do it. WTF? Someone else a chance? He's never gotten to do it! And, apparently, she told him she realizes he never got to do it but he was chosen for young authors (that is a completely different contest which was not judged by her and which he was chosen as a finalist and did not ultimately win. Oh and it felt like she did everything in her power to impeded his participating in the YA contest, e.g. she refused to give him his accommodations to write his piece and then when she finally had to because yours truly was on top of it of course she made him do it during recess!) I know I am being a pushy parent but like I have said before she just seems to have this goal of "knocking him down." And he really needs his strengths and talents to be recognized sometimes! I really want to say something about this. Should I? Sorry I sound like a crazy tiger mom ... hoping those of you who see how much our 2E kids struggle every day will understand a little about why I am so upset.

ETA The sharefest already took place and is over now... so it's not like I will complain and he will get to do it. I just really want to share with her how disappointed I am in how she seems to have a mission to downplay and/or not appreciate his talents.

Sounds hard poor kid. I sometimes wonder whether teachers think gifted kids don't need affirmation because they know they are bright. The problem is they don't because they feel nothing they do is good enough.

Exactly and they wonder why these kids underachieve and tune out... Grrrrrr This is especially important for a 2E kid ... Some things come SOOOOOOO hard for him. Really! But, see, that's another thing it has become increasingly obvious, at least to me - she doesn't see either exceptionality... all she sees is a pain in the a$$... with a B#@% of a mother. Grrr. She also moved his seat to the back of the room farthest away form his computer while he was at ATP. I thought it was slightly interesting she did it while he was at ATP as the times before he was there when she moved around the kiddos and he protested at being moved far from the computer. This time she waited till he was out to do it. I could be just totally paranoid but I am usually very perceptive about people... nevertheless, this is my kid so my emotions may hinder what is usually quite a talent for me. Still, it just feels like she is being vindictive or something and slightly more so lately.

Irena, first off hugs to you and your ds. Trust your mom instincts. I have always regretted not doing that and instead giving other people the benefit of doubt. However, I am not sure complaining would help as she may just get more revengeful. I don't understand why people like her become teachers. Sorry couldn't offer you any helpful advice.

Hugs, it's hard when this is really important to them. I have been there with both my kids, and this type of thing would really bother my daughter. My son would rather stay anonymous and it doesn't really bother him much.

Great advice MON but how would I start the email/letter? I actually wrote everything down and basically said (in my own draft I have said or sent anything) that all year DS has received very little recognition for his abilities and strengths by "room ---." There has been an extreme focus on the negative and so-called “behaviors.” (eg., gifted rating scale so low despite the fact that he is and has been all year the highest reader and the highest performed in math as well as ALWAYS trying so hard on any optional challenge work). Oddly, the negative focus has not ever included any mention of the fact that my son struggles immensely to write both physically and in actually knowing how to form letters, ect. (eg the AT eval teacher imput form where she goes on about "behaviors" but doe not mention anything about his writing problem.)

I understand your frustration. Although no teacher has ever thought that my DS was not bright, there have been times where I got the feeling that people have thought he is impulsive, undisciplined and not hard working - they resented that he does so well on tests, etc. and felt like he needed to be knocked down a peg or so. It does make me very angry especially because I know how much he has struggled in certain areas and how he does show persistence and discipline in cases where kids faced with the same challenges would give up.

I would let the issue go with this teacher – it is just going to cause you internal frustration, etc. and it will likely have no impact on them. One year I was so angry at something a teacher wrote on DS’s report card, I wrote a long email to the teacher that was highly critical of her teaching, etc. and was pretty nasty – then I sent it to my husband.

I think your DS should know how great his achievements are especially in light of his other exceptionalities and hope you can find avenues where his achievements can be acknowledged and appreciated – whether it’s a summer science program, or talent search testing or something else – I hope you can find a place where he can feel good about his efforts and what he can accomplish. Hugs to you!

I've been debating the same thing about a similarly bad teacher. DS's current teacher is fine but the last teacher was not, and I don't think she understands at all why we pulled him out mid-year. She has probably figured out so many ways to put us down to her co-workers and make us look like the bad guys. DD is still in the school, but DD is going to be out of there as well at the end of the school year. I haven't said anything (except for a very brief conversation at the time that I pulled him) because I fear retaliation on DD or that there would be negative consequences somehow. But now that we will be done w/ the school for good, I am debating what to do. I told everything to the principal and someone in administration but I don't think they took it seriously or reprimanded/talked to her. If they did, the teacher probably played innocent and figured out how to twist it around. I so badly want to at least email her and tell her how wonderfully DS is doing now that he isn't in that class and toxic school anymore, how badly she handled things (she was really passive aggressive) and how his new teacher did thorough assessments and is giving him very challenging work, plus helping him with writing which he strugges with. (The old teacher had said that any work above a first grade level would be unnecessary despite the high WISC, Woodcock Johnson, etc).

In terms of you, I would suggest waiting at least til the end of the year when he no longer needs to deal with that teacher, but there is a gossip mill and if she is hostile who knows how it will affect your relationship with future teachers. On the other hand, if parents never say anything or complain, nothing ever changes and people never see the light. I'm so annoyed that people like this are even in the teaching profession. And there are even worse teachers who never get fired or lose their jobs because of tenure and contracts.

Irena, I think you need to consider carefully what you want to accomplish before sounding off.

As far as I know, no teacher has ever thought of himself or herself as a bad, mean, or unskilled teacher. Nor do I think you can reform the ignorant or biased ones by merely pointing out how your child has suffered in their class. They will still blame your child; plus they will find you vindictive and pushy, and they will think you overestimate your child. This will aggravate you, and yet nothing much is likely to improve as a result.

Is your DS still going to be at that school next year? My focus would be trying to make sure that the bad teacher doesn't pick your child's teacher or poison that relationship ahead of time. I do think you should have a frank talk with the principal, and cite for him/her chapter and verse of the law that protects children with disabilities. It's OK to specify to the principal how bad it's been, and to request a teacher with specific traits. Fairness, understanding of disabilities, there's a list you can make here that will be positively useful.

Year's almost over! Hang in there!

Thanks all. I have totally calmed down. It's just the culmination of it from all year long, ya know? I am going to ask her about it, though... but not confrontational and depending on how she answers I will say that it was disheartening since he tried all year to get to do it and what a "good sport" he was about graciously "letting someone else have a chance" even though he has never had a chance himself. I have a few other questions for her so I plan to just work it in and not be adversarial but still point it out. I think asking her about it and pointing out indirectly that I have noticed is worth something. I am also gonna try to work in the same convo that I noticed in her 'teacher input form' for the AT eval that she failed to mention anything about his writing difficulties (she instead talked his being "argumentative," "oppositional" and "distractible" instead of mentioning anything about the very fact of why we need the AT eval in the first place - the fact that he can not write) - why ? Does she not see that as impeding his learning and functioning at school? I am just going to play very curious and confused. Why it wasn't mentioned at all? Anyway, we'll see... I plan on being casual and just playing really naïve and curious. And maybe I won't say anything at all. It just depends on how things are flowing. The year is almost over, thank God and there are certainly worse things.

But thanks to you all for supporting me while vented! The only people that really get it, I think, are the parents of the 2Es so thanks ...