Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Child asking for IQ score

DD was feeling very different than her classmates and asked some related questions. I did not give her any specific info but did explain to her that she had a natural ability to learn easily just like another friend found gymnastics very easy and another was a very good singer etc. I also explained to her that hard work is the most important thing. I just did not want her to feel particularly good or bad about being gifted it just is something that is, if that makes sense.

We googled one to use when we talked to the school.

I think that you need to address a few issues with her. I think that you should let her know why you had her take the test, i.e. Mom wanted to see if you needed a different program in school, and why you don't think that it is good for her to have the number, i.e. I've seen too many people place artificial importance on the number and get into a fixed mindset. I also think you should listen to her about why she thinks it's important to know. Once you know that, it might make it easier for you to address it in a way that you feel comfortable.

I've only had one of my three kids tested and she is HG and dyslexic. The 2e aspect made it easier to talk about how different tests measured different things. We ended up having a conversation about her results to allay her fears. She worried that the test showed that there was something seriously wrong with her and mom was trying to hide it from her.

This may be totally off base. Maybe your daughter is worried that she has disappointed you and that you are ashamed of her results. Her laments about being "average" may be her way of seeking reassurance from you.

This is our DD in a nutshell.

Why are you reticent to tell her if she wants to know? This isn't clear to me.

Honestly, IMO, the decision to have access to this information strikes me as being the child's. She has a right to know important information about herself. If she wants to know if she has a talent, she has a right to know, and I think it's very odd that a parent would deny her this, given that she's asking.

It's hard to develop a talent if you don't believe you have one. Her belief that she's average can hinder her in ways you may not have considered. Gifted students often suffer from underachievement, and it's possible that for some of them part of the problem is thinking "those high achievers are smarter than I am," when the high achievers just know how to study.

I know that some people on this forum have said that they wished they didn't know their IQs, but none of you are this girl. Knowledge about something like this isn't necessarily damaging; it's how the grownups deal with it and teach the child to deal with it that causes problems.

You may want to consider if she'll resent you for not being honest with her, as well.

Everyone had responses that were helpful. Let me state that we have had talks with her about her "giftedness" - thus, the book that I bought her so that word "gifted" could get fleshed out a bit. The woman who did the testing talked to DD about her results. I have talked to DD about her her "fast brain". I didn't feel like I was withholding information; I just wasn't keen about mentioning a number. I had read quite a few people mention here that that wasn't a good idea. I really like the ideas of showing her the bell curve as she is very visual. I will see if that satisfies her curiosity.
Let me state that DD is very convinced that she is not as smart as her sister(who is one of those MG kids who is a leader and super organized). We are really working on DD's self-esteem issues. I am trying to figure out how doing more explanation could help her see herself in a better light. This is very tricky for us - we have just started navigating the gifted world, and we are not very sure of what we are doing.
I hope that we really don't come across as not being honest with her - perhaps just not knowing how to handle this very new information about DD?

My ds 11 asked me this just a couple weeks ago. He is in his first year of middle school 5th grade. I asked him why, he just shrugged. I told him he would have to give me a good reason why (I figured it was kids at school comparing or something). He said he was reading an article on the top 10 IQ scores. He commented that his birthday was the same day as Stephen Hawking so he was just wondering. So I gave him the range answer, I got it from the Hoagies website. That seemed to be good enough.

He read A Brief History of Time about a year ago and did some Googling about Hawkings bio then. I think that got the wheels turning.

Update:
I pulled DD over to the computer a few minutes ago, and showed her the IQ bell curve. It had a little picture of Einstein over to the right. I explained that I was showing this curve so I could answer her question about her IQ. I pointed out where the 100 is and how a bell curve worked. Then I pointed to her general area. She got this big smile and a new awareness crossed her face. I hope that she understands - really takes it in.

When I got my IQ score in elementary school it was explained to me in quotient terms -- if your IQ is 150 and you are 10 years old you are as smart as a 15-year-old. Mental age stops increasing after the midteens, so this definition of IQ is not universally applicable.

Once I had a discussion with a school counselor where he said "we usually don't let kids of age X do Y", and I replied, "given my IQ, my mental age is actually much higher than X and I should be allowed to do Y". He thought this was arrogant and did not agree.

So if you tell your child she has a high IQ, she may decide that is able to learn things and make decisions usually reserved for much older children. I think this attitude is generally valid, but it could have drawbacks. My 10yo son has not taken an IQ test, but his SAT math+reading composite score overlaps with the scores of students at good 4-year colleges. I think he can study some subjects at the college level if he puts his mind to it.

I don't think showing them a normal curve is a very good idea at all. It does not represent them as a part of their immediate peers and community at all, and it exaggerates the rarity of the high scores.

Assuming my family is similar to yours, then our children, as relatively affluent children of highly educated parents are going to be surrounded by relatives, family friends and classmates who are largely affluent and educated - these correlate with higher IQs. I doubt any of my friends children have an IQ much below 120 or 130. The real balance of the curve, the people with IQs below 70, are not going to be in your children's classes. And for a PG, their counterpart at the other end of the bell curve with an IQ of 55 would not even be at a public school (I assume, don't know that much about special ed).

But the kid you're showing that bell curve to doesn't understand that and would get an inflated sense of their own brilliance.

this pic illustrates it better than my words do
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_NTpL_Vt8y...iAbNLCBA/s1600/100622+IQs+compared+2.JPG