Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums College Young college student-- Rush-- Y/N?

Looking for some ideas here.

DD14 has been entertaining the idea of participating in Rush Week next summer when she is (barely) 15yo.

Now, I don't really know if she'll even be permitted to do so, number one, and number two, DH and I both have some very, very serious reservations about the Greek system which are based in our first-hand observations over some forty years (and at no less than five public institutions, ranging from 10% to 95% Greek).

I personally think that the Greek system is bad, bad news-- and probably even WORSE news for a very young college student like my DD.

I can't think that she'd actually like it anyway, and she certainly would have a great deal of trouble living in a sorority house given her hard-core food restrictions and her age (um, six YEARS 'underage' for alcohol, and a solid three years for 'age of consent' in our state).

So I'm not sure that I see the point of all of it, either way.

But I am willing to be convinced if others here see a value in sorority life and membership that I'm perhaps missing.

My experience suggests that sorority sisters tend to be clustered around the mean of the institution's scores and ability, and that they tend to (at co-ed institutions) value femininity and sports, but also skew wildly toward "Barbie" culture-- emphasis on physical appearance, conformity with gender norms and view sexuality as worth, etc.

What am I missing?

No. Emphatically.

I call shenanigans!

Well, that could mean a lot of things, Jon... on the entire system? Rush week in particular??

Or just on the idea that I might be open to the idea... (hmm-- think I stated emphatically that I'm going to require convincing)

Some background here-- this is an interest of DD's primarily because of one older young woman that my DD knows (and admires) through a club sport on this campus. She is a sorority member, and has encouraged DD to "check it out," as did a young woman in the lab where she interned last summer. DH isn't quite as dead-set against it as I am, knowing one of the two young women in question.

Neither of those individuals was aware that my DD wasn't 17-18yo, though. I know that because one of them was recently STUNNED to realize that DD is only 14.

Or that your DD is deliberately winding you up.

My immediate response is to agree completely with you HowlerKarma, however, I quickly realized my experience with any sorority is zilch and my thought pattern is based completely on fraternities, not sororities, so my thoughts have limited validity on the subject.

Generally speaking, for the gifted students I know, a fraternity / sorority is far too much of a distraction, causes drama, and doesn't contribute toward the ultimate goal of college in any form.

I'd suggest talking with your daughter about the issue and about her preconceived ideas on the topic. Keep in mind though that a desire to participate in rush week doesn't equate necessarily to wanting to be in a sorority. Our eldest DS wanted to participate in rush week as well, he did so and that's when he found out that the Greek system wasn't something he wanted a part of. Perhaps the wise thing her to do is let her participate in rush week and talk with her at length about her experience doing so.

I think the majority of incoming students want to experience rush week, if for no other reason that to meet people and most people want to be wanted by "popular" college groups. That doesn't mean though that they'll sign up on a long term basis for it.

I think it's important to discuss what groups with positive focus are available on campus, there are a lot of them and I'm certain that numerous cater to her particular passions. She's looking to expand her world, no doubt she's been ready for that for many years, help her to do so wisely. She may be going off to college, however, that doesn't mean we stop being parents that help to guide wise decision making.

That was my first thought, yeah-- so I dug a little harder, (as Old Dad suggests) and figured out that she's looking for a built in social group, one that is service-oriented and serious about scholarship...

well, I have my doubts about the latter, let's just say (based on experience), and I'm not sure that she's going to get much of either of the other two, either, given what I understand of Greek life and given her innate differences from the majority of sorority girls.

I'll just add this here, since it's one of the most cogent bits I've seen recently on the subject:

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/02/the-dark-power-of-fraternities/357580/

Much of that applies as much to sororities as fraternities, at least on co-ed campuses, I'm sorry to say.

My cynical observation about sororities is that they exist mainly to provide "dates" (or date-rape targets, anyway) to fraternity row. From the sorority side, they seem to exist mostly to provide better housing and food, and 'staff' to princess types whilst they seek MRS. degrees.

Like I said, I'm willing to be convinced that this isn't so, but it's not been my observation.

DH is much more open to this than I am.

Which is weird-- because he is the one who is all squicky about her even going OUT with a classmate that she knows well and who is well aware of how old SHE is...

My feeling is that the question "Should I do rush week and pledge a sorority?" needs to be answered as follows;

Sure, honey! Let's get you a tramp-stamp and some plastic surgery for graduation, while we're at it.



[Sorry if my views on this are offensive to anyone who is or has been a part of Greek life-- I've admitted that my experience and opinions are anecdotal, and as such, may well be idiosyncratic or non-representative. It's why I asked.]

To me, the primary problem here is her chronological age.

Also, your DH is experiencing some sort of significant cognitive dissonance.

No matter how you personally feel about it, your daughter is going to be away from you and your influence is going to be greatly limited. I'd suggest using the time well teaching her how to make wise decisions on her own rather than attempting to mandate specifics about her college experience.