Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Offshoot of Parenting Arms Race Thread

I don't see him heading that way. He is not very people oriented. Ds4 maybe and he has a more optimal IQ.

It is more the potential of finding a group of HG+ people in a small city in a small country. Small has heaps of benefits though and we have no Ivy League system and only a few courses are heavily contested (most of those have more or less free entry into the first year then take only the top x number into second year).

I suspect it has more to do with changes in our ideas about parenting. People have warmer relationships with their children than they did a few generations ago. Less yelling, more playing. And more sheer time spent with the kids. It's easy to dump on this as overprotectiveness, but it also signals that you just like having your kids around.

There also aren't groups of kids wandering around the neighborhoods.

I've seen that musical.

This sounds like the power of a self-fulfilling prophecy? People looking for a positive experience, find a positive experience. There may be a down-side too: People looking to be victims, can unfortunately find that experience as well. There is good and bad in everything. With flexibility, resilience, grit, and a sense of humor, people can find joy and wisdom in their experiences.

In light of the psychological inclination to be pleased with one's alma mater, this makes great sense. For many families, this also does not preclude applying to the Ivies.

Um, no.

Granted, I think I have college PTSD. At this point, I'm tired of having recurrent nightmares about it.

Good to know.

I think my kids have the academic wherewithal but perhaps not the special skills/extracurriculars and "leadership." That's kind of sad, but that's how it looks to me, though DS may be more up that alley than DD. There is probably a good chance they'd get into my or DH's alma maters (SLACs--not Ivys, but top 20) due to the legacy advantage.

With DD, I'm concerned about getting her through school with mental health intact. That will be primary. She is on track for a very competitive high school experience. I'm not sure how it's going to go.

DS is more mentally centered, but interestingly, has more perfectionism issues at this time, which will be a real problem if they continue. This may be because he is totally underchallenged, whereas DD is getting at least some stretch. The perfectionism is one reason to keep him very active in chess, where he is surrounded by other very bright children and needs must lose from time to time.

DS7 didn't warm to the notion that going to college normally includes living away from home. Based on that knowledge, he is currently only interested in ones we will live near so he can live with us. I'm guessing that will change.

Between DH, myself and our siblings, we have a nice mixture of colleges (large public universities with some highly-regarded programs, schools like Duke, Notre Dame, private northeastern non-Ivies (very competitive)).

He's started to ask about Duke and I've explained that many people want to go there, so not only does one needs excellent grades but also other activities. I'm not pushing past that at this point.

Based on my own experiences in conducting admissions interviews (for a top-ranked MBA program) and in conducting intern interviews for a major corporation, my goal is for my children to stand out as logical, personable, smart (!) and well-rounded individuals. The kind of people who can start their own businesses and keep them running or be welcome additions to any company. Critical thinkers who have compassion for others. What I hope they aren't is the kind of candidate who has no good answers for why they did something, what they learned from it or what they care about most deeply.

Between now and college time, I harbor some fantasy that the current "parenting arms race" will burn itself out.

I harbored that fantasy as well. Right alongside the "but I'm above all of that so I won't let it get to me" fantasy.

Well, it didn't, and while I didn't actually much succumb to the voices whispering in my head, they were certainly THERE, telling me things that I never thought I'd find myself thinking.