Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Is my 2.5 years gifted and preschool choice

Hi All,

I start thinking my 2.5 years old may be gifted when i find that he can follow some simple instruction of LEGO which design for age7+ (he didn't do all the step correctly, but those simple steps he can) and many of my friends said that he is so bright.

He does know the alphabet (upper+lower), colors, shapes, numbers 0-10 and many opposites before by his 21m, by his 2 years old he can read 100 Chinese words and counts objects to 20 and he always like to play verbal joke and make us laugh. By 27m, he can read clock in hours, speak 7-8words sentences, spell his first name and some words, knows the sequence 0-100 and counts to at least 30 and know many traffic sign, By 30m he can do simple additions by counting fingers and can draw human object and write numbers, skip counting in 2, know month of year and days of week.

He initial what to learn, e.g. taking the letter blocks to ask me what is it, ask me how to spell mommy, ask me to teach him to read the LEGO menu, so i really teach him a lot because he keep asking, and he does like to repeat, repeat so many times for the stuff he is interested (e.g. repeat listening the same songs). In addition he is very "obessive" with shape and numbers and doesn't like to play electronic toddler toys like those fisher price toys and cooking toys.

My son has mild sensitive processing disorder that he is hypersensitive to light, sounds, touch and emotion too. He enjoyed playing with friends when he was 18-22m old. But now, he doesn't enjoy playing with them, even his old friends. He said it is too noisy.

I have brought him to mommy and me class and find that he loves art works and music and movement, but he always neglect other kids and doesn't play with the toys there much too (Only like shape puzzle and playdoh). I am thinking what kind of preschool is suitable for him, any suggestions? As he is so picky on toys (he do like Montessori toys, but when I observe the students in Montessori preschool, they seems do not have interaction with other kid during activity time, is it the case?)

I am so worry about his social interaction, as well as his separation anxiety, as i am the only caregiver of him, my parents are not living in U.S. I am so worry that it may be too hard for him to go to preschool by himself when he turns 3.

Thanks a lot for reading my post ^-^

Bumping this post and adding a link to your other related post and also a somewhat similar recent post, Is my child gifted?.

Most preschools are very adept at transitioning the child into an activity at drop-off time to keep the child's mind busy and focused on something pleasant and happy.

Good luck!

Do you leave him with other people at all? If you don't, you may want to get a baby sitter several times to get him used to the idea of being apart.

My DD cried so hard when we dropped her off for Kindergarten. We felt like the worst parents in the world. We peeked in 5 minutes later and she was already smiling and making friends. Teachers know how to distract and focus them on other things. Just don't hang around --- that's the worst thing you could do. Quick goodbye and off you go. Long goodbyes are hard for you, them, and the teachers.

Good luck!

Your son is certainly advanced for his age. My son recently turned 3 and we enrolled him in a Montessori school, like we did his big sister a couple years earlier. My son has no sensory or social issues. His sister was very shy seemingly since birth, though. The teacher immediately realized my son's unique talent and experience working with shy kids, and she paired him up another boy who is quite shy, in order to help coax that boy out of his shell. Of course, it wouldn't be fair to my little extrovert to work with a shy kid ALL the time, so she makes it a point to get him some social interaction with other kids as well.

Having both my kids in Montessori school, I have seen a focus on the whole child. My daughter found another shy and precocious girl in her class, and the teacher made it a point to make sure they interacted with other children as well... pushing them just slightly out of their comfort zones (with each other) in order to help them grow.

Before enrolling, I was worried that my daughter would only get the academic benefits (where she was already ahead), and lack the social interactions found at traditional preschools. As it turns out, she has blossomed very well at Montessori. She draws pictures for the other students (sometimes by request) and a few weeks ago she felt she just HAD to bring in a funny book we got from the library to read to the class. The teacher even took pictures of her being the center of attention, and reading her whole class the book. I wouldn't have imagined her doing anything like that a couple years ago, let alone advocating for the chance to do it.

I wish you the best with your decisions.

I second what 2GiftedKids says about separation anxiety, and add that you want to avoid what I've come to call caregiver-induced separation anxiety.

2GK kinda touched on it with the idea of separating quickly and not hanging around, but there's more to it than that. It's how you treat the separation in totality, from talking about it well before hand, all the way to the act itself. Throughout the process, there are opportunities for the caregiver to induce anxiety in the child, by exhibiting or exaggerating their own concerns.

Imagine what goes through a toddler's mind when they hear their primary caregiver say, "I'm going to leave you here for a while. Are you going to be okay?"

"Am I going to be okay? I don't know. Why wouldn't I be okay? What's going to happen to me here? I DON'T KNOW! I've never been here before! I don't know any of these people! Are they going to do something bad? Whenever something bad happens, it's always my caregiver who takes care of it... but that person won't be here!! OMIGOD!!! PLEASE DON'T GO!!!"

The fact that you're already thinking about your DS experiencing separation anxiety means you're at risk for inducing it. It's critical that you keep any concerns from leaking out in words, tone, body language, etc. Keep the mood on the positive, and ensure he knows:

1) There are adults present who you trust to keep him safe.
2) This is a normal part of growing up, and you did it, too.
3) You'll be there when the school day ends.

And, only if he asks, I'd let him know that if there are any major problems, they'll call you, and you'll be right there.

As for Montessori... sometimes it works out great for gifted kids, and sometimes it works out badly in spectacular ways. It mostly seems to hinge on the personality of the child. Gifted children who possess the traits of silliness, creativity, and independence do not take well to the emphasis on structure, where every work has to be completed properly before moving on, and each can only be used the way it was intended. If that describes your child, I'd suggest looking at other options.

Most likely the anxiety your son is feeling has nothing to do with the traditional form of separation anxiety mentioned previously nor is it related to what you project as a parent at this stage in your child's life. Some children with SPD may have an INTENSE form of separation anxiety DUE to the emotional regulatory issues associated with SPD - this is beyond your control due to the immaturity of their nervous system and is something that can only be managed through therapeutic intervention, parent education, maturation of the nervous system and the development of coping skills over time by both parents and child.
The primary caregiver is usually the only tether connecting a child with SPD to a place of security when their nervous system can't correctly interpret messages from their senses. It doesn't matter what steps you take to separate or how calm you remain if your child has this "firecracker" response to their environment, so don't blame yourself nor follow the tide of what you think you "should" do.

The second component of this situation is your concern about social skills. What initially appears as a social skills problem and ultimately develops into one is a child's withdrawal (in this case you say that your child avoids noise) from social situations due to sensory over-responsiveness. You mention that your son used to enjoy his friends, but now says they're too loud. That's a very important piece of information! His social skills haven't changed, but his ability to tolerate noise has decreased thus his ability and desire to be around other children (usually a noisy bunch ;)) has also decreased. Perhaps you can find more compatible friends for your son and keep playdates small (1-2 children).

The KEY is picking playmates and their parents wisely - parents that respect your son's sensitivities and also scaffold and coach their children, when needed, through social situations. Give him time to benefit from occupational therapy, and specifically ask your therapist for advice on noise sensitivity. My son has acclimated over time to many noises, but it's still an issue. Preview any potential enrichment classes before taking your son for the dreaded "too many kids, too much noise, too bright" factor, and stick to mommy-and-me instead of drop off for now. Think small and calm classes.

Consult with your OT and read plenty of books about SPD, because the behaviors you see that appear one way may actually mean something quite different. Add in the giftedness and it gets really confusing!

I completely understand your concerns. Don't put any pressure on yourself or son to attend school if now is not the best time. Now may be the time to focus on helping him with the sensory challenges first, so he'll be ready later on for school. I wish you all the best.

Books on SPD:
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Senso...=1393521410&sr=8-3&keywords=lindsey+biel
http://www.amazon.com/Out---Sync-Ch...521451&sr=8-1&keywords=out+of+sync+child
http://www.amazon.com/Sensational-K...3521475&sr=8-1&keywords=sensational+kids

My experience is very different. First of all, some Montessori schools allow manipulatives to be used outside of their intended purpose, while some do not. It depends on the school (it may depend on the teacher if the school has no universal policy). Secondly, Montessori schools I have experience with focus strongly on developing independence. I actually can't think of another preschool environment where the children are afforded as much freedom in directing their own activities, nor where the expectations for personal responsibility are as high.

Here's a link that addresses creativity in the Montessori classroom:
http://partners-in-parenting.typepad.com/pip/2009/04/does-montessori-stifle-creativity.html

I will add that my daughter had selective mutism before going to school. During play dates with loud and outgoing children, she would freeze up and cling to her parents without saying a word for as much as an hour before she would be comfortable enough to join in and play. Usually Montessori classes are much quieter and less rambunctious than other preschool environments, but still there is variance. My daughter really needed an environment that was unusually quiet and orderly even for a Montessori classroom in order to feel comfortable. But after almost 2 years in Montessori 1/2 day every day, all that seems to be behind us now.

My reply to OP is here

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....2_5_years_gifted_and_pre.html#Post182773

EmeraldCity,

My DD had sensitivity issues to noise and texture until very recently. I never thought of it as a disorder but in retrospect, her symptoms were not all that mild. They did not interfere with her ability to participate in group activities but I was always there and she tends to put on a performance in public only to fall apart at home.

Speaking of falling apart at home, we spent one morning at a play-based preschool with 24 students and 3 teachers. DD did well but when she came home, she was out of it. The following day was probably the worst day we've had together. People told me she'd adjust eventually but it wasn't a chance I was willing to take.

So I definitely hear you. Your DS probably could take so much of it.

It's wonderful that you are able to organize playdates for your DS. I just never could do it consistently so I picked a small nature-based program that tends to attract families who are on the same wave length. I feel like we're on the right track finally and I don't have to worry about school until K.

BTW, my DD eventually grew out of her sensitivities. We were at a restaurant yesterday and the noise level was driving me crazy so I wanted to leave but DD wanted to stay and didn't seem to be bothered at all. She also grew out of her sleep problems. I know it might not put your mind at east much but it can get better.

Mana, thank you so much for the encouragement and support.

I'm so happy to hear you found a program for your DD!!