Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Younger Child passing by older

We have a similar issue with 10 yo dd and 8 yo dd. Dd#1 has learning differences and dd#2 is HG and has a killer working memory. Dd#1 often gets frustrated with it but I just try to keep emphasizing that they both have their own set of strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately for dd#1 her strengths are not strengths that are highlighted in an everyday elementary classroom with traditional instruction and minds.

Definitely an issue in this house too. Our boys are 19 months apart and while the older DS5.5 is now learning to read cat / hat / fat, the younger one has been reading words like that since just after turning 2 and is now at close to 4 years old interested in reading childrens books titled "Quotations from Shakespeare" and alike. The younger one picks up everything instantly but because of being very 2E you don't know what he knows unless you spend every day with him. The older one is only slightly 2E. The older one rocks when it comes to math but the younger one could learn what the older one knows in a matter of couple days if he had interest in it. They are still too young to realize they learn with different speeds but I'm sure eventually it will come up.

FWIW, I haven't had time this morning to read any of the replies, and I apologize for that! I just wanted to throw a brief thought out there.

We don't have the same exact issue at our house because our obviously way-out-there kid is also the oldest sibling. OTOH, we do have some very large ability and achievement differences among my kids. Plus ds is one of those kids that the other kids at school seem to always label as "the brain" etc. So ds sticks out. He qualifies for programs that his sibs don't necessarily qualify for because of his IQ and achievements.

It's also rarely been an issue - every now and then something will be said but nowhere near as often as other things come up in terms of fairness, sibling squabbles etc. It's just a part of who he is, same as our youngest is so far beyond the rest of us in athletic ability. Maybe it's helped that our EG ds is also 2e so he's had his share of struggles, our youngest is also 2e and has her share of challenges, and the non-exceptional kiddo caught in between has had medical challenges - maybe that's made it easier for each of them to see that we all, as human beings, bring different talents and strengths to the table and that we all have our challenges. I'd like to think that another part of it is that my dh and I have tried our best to pass on our values in the way we live, which include believing that everyone is special and we are all in this together. Being smart is cool, but it's not the only thing in life

polarbear

From my personal experience being on the younger end of this: praise effort and use double-standards. Bad enough that school can be too easy without parents over-concerned about "fairness" setting the performance bar even lower based on an older sibling.

And watch out for emotional bullying (teasing, deprecation.)

It surprised me how many on this forum have younger children higher on the scale than their older children. How many studies have been done that show the eldest to typically also be the smartest (for whatever reasons). Interesting...

For us DD9 is HG and DD8 is EG/PG - depending on the chart you use. DD8 was a total shock for us because we were just hoping she would score well enough to qualify for the gifted program at school. After all the reading and research I did after DD9 was tested, I still didn't have a clue with DD8. I just kept thinking and saying, "but she is so social".

I believe DD9 may actually be higher than her tests results say because she just goes with the flow and doesn't get too worked up about answering the questions correctly. She is also our child that will give a wrong answer just to see if you catch her doing it. DD8 on the other hand will really think things through before answering and is more deliberate. She is the pleaser and wants to be right. However, I also still have a gut feeling that DD8 has something else going on that we just haven't figured out yet - possibly mild dysgraphia.

DD8, by IQ and desire to do well, could end up passing DD9 up at some point. We are not there yet, and I'm not really sure how DD9 would take that. I've often said DD9 is very apathetic, so if she sees her little sister breathing down her neck maybe that would snap her out of it. I could just as easily see it going the other way and taking DD9 down even further.

We try to keep things pretty level with both girls, but I think a little healthy competition can be good. They have some similar activities and things they both like to do, but we also try to give them other activities they can do without the other being involved. This gives them each somewhere they can shine without feeling like they are competing with their sister. They are 2 grades apart, so once they reach high school they will be on teams and in groups together for a couple years. DD9 seems to be the more athletic of the two, but again DD8 is more determined.

DD9 already has a GIEP and DD8 will have one by next school year (3rd grade). I'm excited for them to both be in the gifted program at school and I hope their class schedules work out so they get a chance to work on things together. I think the gifted teacher will be a good resource for us then by being able to see where one might be stronger in a certain area than the other, etc.

They really get along very well. Once they become interested in boys and both are eyeing the same little stud...now that might be a totally different situation all together. LOL!

thank you everyone for sharing your stories, ideas, anecdotes and suggestions!

I appreciate it and am also quite stunned by how many families are/have experienced this.