Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Sunday School refusal-HG 7 year old

Hi, I'm posting here as DS7 is having difficulties with Sunday School. We are LDS so I thought I was more likely to be able to get a US site. DS7 has been bored with Sunday School for a long time, he says he doesn't get taught anything he doesn't already know. He now has trouble with friendships as the other children see him as naughty. Sunday School at our church is strictly by year of birth and he is the oldest in his class. I have been told for for the last two years to keep bringing him but now his behaviour has escalated it has been suggested I take him home. Recently things have been done to try to accommodate him but it is two years too late, I tried to explain the problems he was having then, but it is only since his behaviour has deteriorated that I feel anyone has listened. I'm worried that he won't go back if he stops going but I don't know what to do otherwise. Anyone been in a similar situation? Thanks.

I don't have any parenting experience in this area (we rarely go to church). However, I did experience this as a kid. My mom's solution was to bring me with to her Sunday School class. Personally, I found it a lot more interesting! Also, are there any other churches around that you could visit that have better Sunday School policies?

I'm a little confused. You're the parent and he's the kid. It sounds like he sort of "wears the pants" and you don't. My daughter doesn't like "Sunday School" but she doesn't have an option in the matter. It sounds like you and your son have the problem not the Sunday School.

Hey, LDS here. Yeah, January/February birthdays are tough with the age system -- my daughter is a January birthday and may have the same problems. I've also taught Sunday School for varying Primary ages.

It sounds like you are not from the US? Where are you from? (I'm from the US, so don't know how much of this will be applicable to you.)

First, I am shocked that there has been a suggestion to take him home. I have never seen this in my experience with the LDS church -- even with the very-disruptive ADHD child, even with the severely autistic child (although arrangements were made to deal with that particular case). I agree with your intuition that he might not ever go back if he stops going.

Does he see the other kids on a regular basis for playdates, church activities, etc. in situations where he will NOT be acting up? If he has a strong social connection and peer group to share Sunday School with, perhaps that can motivate him not to be "naughty." This isn't always going to work (for example, it doesn't always work with the ADHD child I mentioned above), but it does provide a foundation and can, I think, ameliorate some of the worse conduct.

I also am surprised that he's been bored for two years straight. Our Primary focuses a lot on art projects and games to help the kids digest the lessons in a more fun way. Does your Primary know about sugardoodle.net? BEST WEBSITE EVER. If the teachers don't use this website, they should.

Another solution is to call you or your spouse to be the Primary teacher for that particular year, assuming he's more likely to listen to you than another adult. (This happened to me one year when MY kid was the kid who was acting up.) At the very least, you can tailor the lessons a little more to teach him things he doesn't already know! Or work with the teacher to give her/him ideas as to what might motivate your child. I can tell you, as a Primary teacher who's been in that situation, that I would be abjectly grateful for any guidance a parent could give me with a difficult child.

Another solution we have used in my ward is to call the parent as an "auxiliary teacher," or for the parent to unofficially be available to pull the child out of class when he gets too disruptive. This happened for a while with one class I was teaching (5-year-olds) -- the mom had to stop by every week and pull her kid out. After a couple of months of this he settled down.

Anyway, without knowing more details (do you get along with the teacher? What does s/he say? Does your child behave in Sacrament and Primary?) I can't give more specific solutions, but hopefully these are helpful.

When it comes to religious beliefs, the beliefs are 100% the property of an individual. So in that respect, the kid most certainly does wear the pants (whether you like it or not, and most parents don't when there are differences of opinion in this area).

momofone, would your son be happier at home? If he's miserable and you're miserable and the other kids and the school aren't happy, maybe it would be better to take a break.

can you explain-- I'm not sure that I'm understanding this part of your post.

I mean, I understand LDS and I understand US-- I'm unclear about the bearing that the one has on the other statement, and whether that is about your POST, or your situation with your DS.

If you are outside of the US, I agree that it might be difficult to find "another" house of worship given the LDS part of things.

Would your faith community still acknowledge training within that faith if it happened at home? Through a non-Sunday School method?

This is what I've always done so far, him not having an option, and that has led to this current situation. He has gone from complaints to this current behaviour that only happens in church. I feel it has escalated because I have made him go despite his protests.

He believes what is taught, speaks about the same beliefs at home. The class has not been appropriate to his development since having a great teacher when he was 4. As far as I know, the situation will be the same if we attend another chapel.

Sorry, I'm on my phone so there are typos. I meant that in the US I may be able to find people who are familiar with my church, or Sunday school in general, compared with a general parenting website in my own country.

I will try taking him into the adults class again for the time being but I wanted him to connect with the other kids and have friends in church. He would be happier at home, yes.

Hmm, it looks like my post earlier for some reason didn't show up until now (see 12:12)? Anyway, I'm LDS.

If you're taking him into the adult class, perhaps you could supplement church with playdates and other social activities with the other kids in his class? Then maybe he would be more amenable at a later date to going back to his Primary class. A couple of parents and I have had some luck with this when we had kids who really hated going to class. Does your ward do any kind of playgroup or kids' activities on a regular-ish basis? (My ward does, but in the US I think the number of kids in Primary tends to be much larger.) Have you talked to the parents of other kids in his class? What do they say?

If you can't work on it from the teacher's side, as I suggested in my other post -- and this should really be the thing to do; but I got the sense from your post that his teacher and the Primary presidency are all saying that there's nothing that can be done, and they aren't willing to call you to a calling that would let you be able to help? -- I wonder also if it's possible to work on coping mechanisms with him... if he gets bored, maybe he can make up his own story that illustrates the lesson. Or see how many scriptures he can think of in his head that fit the lesson. Or whatever. I mean, he might then get a reputation as the kid who is daydreaming, but that's better than the kid who is acting out

Does he behave in Primary proper? Does he like Singing Time or Sharing Time?

I think this is it, they do a lot of colouring in based craft which DS7 has never been into. So it is not that his teachers have not been making the effort, it's just that he does not appreciate activities that the other kids are happy with. Then the curriculum is a two year curriculum repeated from age 4-7, most of which is simple values and church teachings, or scripture stories he has read multiple times. The material will change next year when he is 8 so I am hoping he will participate again then if not this year. This year his class of 7 year olds has been grouped with the 8-12 year olds for the combined part, but as he is now refusing to go he doesn't even know if he likes it or not.


We are in Australia.

He sees one friend outside church occasionally and used to look forward to seeing this child at church which did help a lot before. They are still good friends but it is no longer enough to make him want to go to class. He happily plays outside with the other children after church, if we stick around, but I am often stressed by his behaviour and just want to get home.

I can't be called as a teacher as we are meant to be in another ward since we moved out of this one, but neither DS or I have friends in the other ward. Also I would not be up to the task at all. I know I wouldn't be able to do the job myself so I am not complaining about his teachers at all, it is DS who just does not fit in with the class/program. I used to help in his class when he was 4, he was already a challenge then but his teacher was amazing that year in keeping him engaged. I found I was a help with another child but DS acted out more when I was there in class. He behaves in Sacrament as I let him read books after the Sacrament has been passed, but he currently refuses to go to any of Primary. I tried giving his teachers some insight about DS after he was tested as HG at 5 and I was all overwhelmed by it all...didn't go down well .