Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Ped told my dd public school not working!

So, my 10 year old dd, had her 10 y/o check up. When she asked my dd how things were going, my dd told her how much she hates school, how she is so bored, etc. This went on for about 15 minutes. Then the ped turned to me and said, "well, this isn't working, can you homeschool her again or find a private school?" UGH. I totally wish it wasn't in front of my dd, although, in the doctors defense, I truly think she is worried for my dd, as I am too. Personally, I am worried if we keep her in public school, where she was bullied, again, that she will end up seriously depressed. We already tried Zoloft, with little success for what we thought was anxiety. But it is only anxiety about school, nothing else. Like, she can perform on stage in front of thousands of people, and have no issues. But put her in a classroom with 30 kids, get bullied, and that's it. So, I tried homeschooling her for 2 years. First year great, second year she hated it. I had her psych tested to see where her strengths/weaknesses were to see if I could better challenge her. Still didn't help. She is a major extrovert, loves the social world. There is a private school, a very expensive private school ($15,000) a year that would probably be a wonderful fit for her. I feel like a commercial when I say how do you put a price tag on your child's happiness, but that is where I am at now. She is going to go shadow next week, and see what she thinks. The problem is that I will probably love it so much I want all 3 kids there. Then it is really pricey! Any advice? Thoughts? Any been there done that?

I think it's probably better to have this recognized by someone outside the family. If a health professional suggests getting out of the school, I think it's good to heed that advice.

I would be wary about just thinking the private school will solve all problems, especially at middle school age. We toured an expensive private in our area after hearing so many wonderful things from other parents, but were completely underwhelmed when we saw it. DS even said he would not want to go there. What is wonderful for some families/kids just isn't always a great fit for kids who are really out there. There are a bunch of threads about what to ask a school you are touring, I would suggest googling those before touring the private. Make sure you have a good idea of the things on your list that are nonnegotiable. Does the school group kids of like ability? Can your DD move up to a different class if the class she is placed in isn't enough if X subject?

Another thought -- are there any homeschooling groups around you? In our area, there is a decent-sized group of people who homeschool their GT kids, and they offer classes. I'm not sure what size city you are in, but if it's big enough, there is possibly a decent homeschool group you could connect with.

Good luck!

Gee, I think it's important to have HCP input, but I would be mad that she said that with my kid in the room!

Kids that have this kind of adult conceptual reasoning, though-- if they also have equally advanced social skills, it's really, REALLY easy to forget how young they are.

People did it all the time when my DD was little. They'd suddenly look at her and really SEE her, and I could watch the penny drop when they connected what had just come out of their mouth with her age and CRINGED inside.

Like the (wonderful) children's librarian that discussed a really awful anaphylaxis fatality in front of DD, then 5 or 6 yo. She took in every word-- the librarian was HORRIFIED when she realized, but I reassured her that I understood that she'd meant no harm. Luckily, we had already opted to shelter her from pretty much nothing... but-- this is also a good argument (IMO) to NOT shelter this kind of child; others WILL tell them things that children should not be processing. The better strategy (IMO) is to let them see the world more or less unfiltered, and convey the message that NOTHING is off-limits for discussion with you as parents.

We've wound up having some very strange conversations in light of my DD's age, but the bonus is that she doesn't fester on things that bother her in the media-- she talks to us about them. Precocious kids in particular, it's almost inevitable at some point that they'll be handed something that they can (cognitively) understand, but emotionally cannot process or come to terms with.

This isn't that extreme, of course. I'm just pointing out how even really good professionals who are used to working with children can very readily forget how old a HG+ child (with this particular profile) actually is and say things in front of them that they should not. We've handled this kind of situation with a blanket; "This is really too 'big' a responsibility for a child. It's an adult responsibility, this choice/decision-- so your parents are in charge of the decision-making here. Okay? We'd like to know what you think, though, as we talk it over."

That lets the child know that s/he isn't in charge completely (that YOU are) and that you still value his/her opinion because it concerns him/her.

Are there other public schools in your district worth considering? I know that in our district, switching out of the school your residence is zoned for is not easy, but I know of more than one family that was successful. In at least one instance, the case was made based on bullying.

That's a really good idea-- at this kind of cost, a lot of effort to find another more-or-less free placement seems well worth the invested time and energy.

Do you live in a state with any virtual schools? That's another angle to consider.

have you considered unschooling? It's at home, with no set curriculum, so no barriers at all to her interests. And there are many unschooling groups around you can find for her to mix with and work/play with...

It's the only thing that works for my oldest (extrovert, highly social, anti anything that resembles school work), and it works well for my middle child (introvert and into workbooks etc)

Great way to see how kids are processing and interpreting, so parents can offer guidance and alternative views.

This is a benefit that serves a person well throughout life.

Thanks all. Well, I am open again to homeschooling, if we need to go that route. But, my dd really does want to try and be in a school. What we are realizing, is that she is having a lot of anxiety with this ps, it is huge, not making any accomodations, etc. I am touring the school this week, while she shadows. We are hoping it does work, but yes, a back up plan is homeschooling. We don't want to try another ps here, they are struggling with the common core thing, funding, and she has had enough schools - the private one we are looking at goes through high school.
Well, we will wait and see- but yes, I am looking into all the advice you all been given me. Thanks.