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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 639
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 639 |
atleast according to their parents.
We strongly emphasize that modesty is a virtue in our family - the kind of modesty where you don't brag about how good you and your life are as compared to other people around you. We always laugh and shrug off any questions about our DS's achievements or abilities in social situations saying that he is a little boy being happy and having fun and going through life with curiosity and soaking up experiences like a sponge. We have not offered even a single bit of informaton on things that he seems to excel at so far.
We went to a party with kids who have known DS since birth - there were 24 kids - and each and every one of the parent was gushing endlessly about how extraordinary, special, talented or superior their child was. I kept hearing "genius", "natural athelete", "does everything better than his team mates", "future grandmaster", "piano virtuoso and future Carnegie Hall performer" etc etc - you get the idea. These are kids who are playing TBall and Soccer for the first time in their lives (no tournaments so far), been playing piano for a few weeks (no recitals, no auditions), going to overcrowded afterschool chess clubs (no tournaments, no USCF ratings etc). Nothing wrong with these kids being where they are in their sport or art or academics - they are all just 6 years old and have plenty of time to explore, grow, learn and flourish. But, does this level of success and progress warranty an hour's worth of animated discussion involving hyperboles? I would not even mention my child's musical aptitude if he had only 3 weeks of piano lessons under his belt. To me, my child is good at martial arts when he gets a black belt, not when he has gone to classes (not regularly at that) for 3 months. Michael Phelps is truly extraordinary as a swimmer - not a 6 year old wearing flippers and learning to float. As for basketball - too early to call a 6 year old with impulsive behavior on the basketball court a LeBron James in the making.
Which leads me to my question - does this kind of "bragging" act as a positive reinforcement to motivate these kids to go on to achieve above and beyond their abilities? And do parents who treat modesty as a value to be cherished and respected and tell their kids that they are capable of doing better and need to strive to be great do a disservice to their kids?
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 2,157
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 2,157 |
How odd. I can't say I've really heard anything like that before. I get extremely uncomfortable even using the term "gifted" with other parents, for instance explaining that DD is in the gifted program--and I only bring it up to close family members or if it's relevant to the conversation, for instance we're talking about school choices (and usually only if the other parent has a "gifted" child as well and can relate).
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,498
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,498 |
And do parents who treat modesty as a value to be cherished and respected and tell their kids that they are capable of doing better and need to strive to be great do a disservice to their kids? The child who goes around bragging and showing off, who irritates others, doesn't have a good shot at later social success. We will continue to preach modesty and inclusiveness here. I routinely notice good things about other people's kids (kind things they do, smart or funny things they say) to mention to their parents, though. Just so they know that good things are happening. I think this helps people feel less insecure, overall... DeeDee
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,428
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Joined: Aug 2010
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"I kept hearing "genius", "natural athelete", "does everything better than his team mates", "future grandmaster", "piano virtuoso and future Carnegie Hall performer" etc etc - you get the idea."
These exact words? Wow. I have definitely heard "natural athlete" or "better than his teammates," but I have certainly never heard any of the rest.
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 313
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 313 |
I got one of those close relatives.
Not only do they brag about their kids. They put our kids down to brag about their kids.
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 299
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 299 |
Wow - I've definitely seen parents brag about their kid's athletic abilities- not a problem for me, even though my DS7 is not a "natural athlete" by any stretch. We live in a sports town and athleticism and sports teams seem to matter to the parents.
The only parent I've heard openly, frequently brag about her kid's IQ and musical ability actually has a kid who was playing by ear at a young age and an IQ verging on profoundly gifted- so he is truly extraordinary.
I talk with parents I know pretty well about DS, but primarily in the context of educational challenges and frustrations- I could probably tone it down.
I think six is an amazing year of early elementary school and learning- it's easy to be a bit too excited by their triumphs. I bet this same group of parents will calm down in a year or two.
I remember thinking my son showed early promise of swimming greatness- but when he started the summer swim team he was probably 3rd or 4th out of 10 boys. Good- not great. It made me more cautious in my thinking.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 669
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 669 |
When I say something like that I am completely joking...talking about my future olympic gold medalist gymnast who couldn't do a forward roll after a year of gymnastics...
...reading is pleasure, not just something teachers make you do in school.~B. Cleary
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,733
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,733 |
Where's howler karma? I think she must live in the same area ... I think she has made mention of experiencing this a lot in her "lake woebegone" lol
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 453 |
If the remarks were made jokingly among friends, if no kid or parent was put down and if everyone recognized them as light hearted hyperbole, I don't see anything wrong with that! However if any one of the conditions were not true, I would feel real uncomfortable with that kind of conversation.
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181
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I say the following as a teacher (more than as a parent):
When I hear about my students' giftedness from their parents, 99.9% of the time it is in this context. It amounts to a declaration of abstract "potential," or of abiding parental belief in their child's ability. And that is GREAT. Really. So much better than the alternative.
But.
What it means is that every conversation about giftedness should really begin with an extended semiotic analysis of the terms being employed.
Do you mean "gifted," or "Gifted," or "GIFTED"? In what context? By what measure? And how instrumental have YOU been in MAKING this happen?
And so on. Ad infinitum.
All of which tends to make me less prone to discuss DD's abilities and interests... because coming from me, as her parent, it seems pretty meaningless, really. This.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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