Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Failing and Acting Out

DS is not doing well in school, rather suddenly and almost every way there is not to do well. Second year of middle school. Been mostly good to now, only little bumps that we got past.

But now we're here: suspensions for hitting, bullying reported, lying, failing classes, hiding report cards, depression, poor social interaction, refusing to eat, refusing to participate in extracurriculars, skipping afterschool.

We have health and mental health care lined up, but anybody been in this situation and want to give me a little BTDT peace of mind that we'll get through this? That he'll get through it? How'd you do it?

This can be stressful for all of you. Lining up visits with professionals is a wise decision. Do you believe the school issues are related to giftedness?

It sounds like he could be being severely bullied, but is terrified of retaliation for "telling", so is acting out in the hope that someone will take the "hint" and figure out what is really going on.

Thank you all. It makes me feel less alone to be able to share this with people who might understand.

Portia, that is a great idea. Very good example. Tricky, yes, with a middle schooler. But that makes me remember a time I chaperoned an activity and what the interactions were like. I'll think of another way to chaperone something. He definitely feels threatened, but cannot (or won't) articulate why.

Indigo, I do think they are related, especially wrt sensitivity, perfectionism, and lack of challenge. He's explicitly said he is not working hard because the lessons are not new material, and tedious. And this is my curious kid whose face lights up when he learns anything new; not a "bored" kid.

Homeschooling would be difficult for us to swing, but I can see the value in that option, so I'm leaving it open.

He is failing because he doesn't turn in homework. Some of it is indeed tedious and repetitive, even in the AIG classes. I bet I don't have to explain why I think "well, just do it if it's so easy" while understanding why he doesn't.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the guidance counselor. Again. To talk about how to make this work. Again. I think I'm just going to have to micromanage the whole situation and get daily reports from them. We are in a high poverty district so they really are overworked and overwhelmed with kids' basic needs, but it's no excuse for letting my kid flounder.

A lot to unravel, yes. I look forward to reporting some small successes (a lot has gotten better these 10ish days at home) when he returns to school this week.

Been there, I am not sure the situation is exactly the same but DS (14) just melted down completely the 2nd half of 6th grade. It's a long story. Major social problems and homework anxiety, it wasn't fun. I believe the problems were exasperated by puberty. Around the time he turned 12 he just couldn't seem to handle his emotions. Things were a lot better last year in 8th grade and have improved further this year in H.S.

Good Luck.

He is by far the first gifted kid to not do his homework because it is tedious. This is a perpetual problem around here. (DS 14 in 9th grade) While I do work with the teachers, I don't let my son get away with it. He has to do every bit of homework even if the teachers won't take late work.

In addition, learning to keep track of all the homework is a skill that many students struggle to master. Middle school teachers can be very strict, especially when they have hundreds of students.

The worst part of doing tedious, boring, repetitive, and ultimately useless homework is feeling a little bit of your love of learning die each time. Particularly when that passion is tied heavily into your self-concept. I think a system that has passing hinged on completing practice type homework is seriously flawed and misguided. If homework would've had more than a single grade level reduction for me in school, I probably would've dropped out of high school.

I'm giggling right now, because this all reminds me that I started a new job this year, and they told me I had to fill out a timesheet. A timesheet! I didn't fill it out to see if they would pay me anyway. They did. Yeah, I don't like busywork either.

bluemagic, you give me hope, thank you. I think if we could get over this hump, maybe 8th grade would be good.

I had several conversations with adults at school this week about paying closer attention. He goes back tomorrow. Guard rails on, plans in place, fingers crossed.