Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy deliberate self harm resources

does anyone have good resources for DSH, especially as related to perfectionism? something practical (CBTish?) would be amazing...

The SENG website (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted, www.sengifted.org) has an article which may be of interest. Underachievement in Exceptionally Gifted Adolescents and Young Adults: A Psychiatrist’s View - See the archived article at: https://web.archive.org/web/20160420110520/http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/underachievement-in-exceptionally-gifted-adolescents-and-young-adults-a-psychiatrist%E2%80%99s-view

Some interesting points which jumped out at me in a quick skim of the article included: deliberate self harm (DSH) as related to maladaptive conflict resolution... a feeling of guilt for the unfair advantage of giftedness... mastering created obstacles as more gratifying than effortless success.

If I understood correctly, subjects are said to be in denial or only vaguely aware. Clearly there is suffering. Possibly healing the underlying feelings dissipates DSH...? That is to say, from reading this I did not get the impression that addressing the DSH directly was largely successful? Perhaps the DSH is a symptom of the underlying cause?

There can also be profound connections between affective disorder, DSH, eating disorders, and socially prescribed perfectionism.

This is the subtype of perfectionism related to the belief that OTHERS have unrealistic standards for you, and that display of imperfections will lead to social rejection (often from those closest to them)-- its most distinctive calling card is self-handicapping.


Let me see what I can find for you that might prove helpful-- understanding, of course, that a lot of the interventions for this TYPE of perfectionism (and for DSH, for that matter) are aimed at older adolescents and young adults.

It's rare behavior in children.

Adaptive and Maladaptive Aspects of Self-Oriented versus Socially Prescribed Perfectionism

This is a great review article-- explains pretty explicitly why avoiding maladaptive perfectionism is crucial.

Perfectionism and Depression: Vulnerabilities Nurses Need to Understand

There are some concrete literature suggestions in that article which might be useful as self-help tools if this is related to perfectionism.

Yes, unfortunately this may be a pressure many gifted kids face in an average day at school. Gifted kids, like all kids, have the right to be wrong. They are human, after all.

I think doubtfulguest's daughter is in a magnificently supportive homeschool environment.

thank you so much, HK/indigo!

i'm going to start with these links for sure. i'm not massively worried about the adolescent/adult focus - she's so *freakishly* self-aware for 5 y/o. she literally said to me last night, "i do this because it takes the pain from my feelings and puts it into my body, and that is much easier to deal with." i asked her to do a thought experiment: to think about what it would be like if every time she was frustrated, some random kid came over and punched/bit her. y'all should have seen her face - it was like the sun came out - she really got it, and i think she's ready to tackle the problem.

and you're both SO right. school is exactly where this came from - she never had it until last year, and now that we're homeschooling and everything else is really falling into place, it's time to fix this. she is definitely no longer clinically depressed, and is loving having new material to master - we have many squeals of delight these days. however, she is really having trouble trusting that even though we have yet to find much to challenge her, i DO NOT EXPECT her to have the right answers - it's like her entire idea of learning got twisted around. she's not giving herself permission to think, much less fail - it's like she's seeing her whole life as one big test.

and aquinas... you are the sweetest of humans. thanks for that virtual hug!

A book which seems to understand perfectionism very well and which many find supportive is "What To Do When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough". Another book you might like is "Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good". While insightful, these are written gently for kids, in a style that is fun and engaging.

thanks, indigo! i've ordered that first one. i have a book on perfectionism for helping my husband and i've used bits of it already with DD5, but one that's aimed at helping kids would be extra awesome.

Since suicide is the ultimate self-harm, I will mention a book published this year, "Suicide Among Gifted Children and Adolescents: Understanding the Suicidal Mind" by Tracy Cross. A few pages are available online at Amazon.

The Feeling Good Handbook, by David Burns is a great self help book for Anxiety and Depression. Outlines several CBT skills that can easily be incorporated into life, however it is not geared toward children so might have to be adapted.