Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DD doesn't want to go to school

Totally agree.

I would talk not only with the teacher but also perhaps with the principal. The kids who are having meltdowns are virtually guaranteed to be not having enough support. This is bad for everyone. If you can advocate for more appropriate support, everyone wins.

It may also be wise (this is for those kids and parents to decide) to have a process of disclosure where the class openly talks about what is going on with someone when they are melting down or struggling. We found that this helped kids not be scared and show appropriate empathy, which in turn helps everyone.

DeeDee

I'd like to add myself to the "school made me miserable" list.

My parents felt that I needed to learn to "toughen up" and deal with the world; but, being exposed to unpleasant things all day just made me more sensitized and intolerant of minor discomforts.

As an adult, I've learned to respect my limits when it comes to emotional and sensory stimuli. Otherwise, my physical and mental health really suffer. Over time, I have found some social and work environments that are mostly comfortable, most of the time. These are my home bases. Now that I have these in place, I find that I am more and more capable of coping with challenges. I feel that the momentum has slowly shifted from downward spiral to upward spiral.

It would have been great to build in that direction from an earlier age!

It does sound lime either there are kids in the class who need more help or the teacher is pretty bad. Kids do melt down sometimes but it shouldn't be happening daily. She may be like me in that when something bad happens and she is there she feels she should have been able to prevent it, she may want to protect the child from the teacher ir other children and can't , she may feel she has to fix things (I always want to fix aguements between family and friends - even when they don't have a problem), she could just be exhausted by the environment. You need to try and get her to work out what would fix the problem - and if that is something that can be done.

But please if it is in your power to do so don't let her be crushed by school.

I disagree with the first part of this. Noise and disruption is more than just "an inconvenience" for some of us. Even if the material is at the perfect level for the learner, it can be nigh well impossible to focus on it if your neighbor is chattering, some kid in the back is yelling, or the teacher frequently stops to reprimand someone.

As an adult, I wouldn't tolerate noise and disruption in my classes, so why should a child be asked to get used to it?

I suppose my view of a bad school sitution (apart from innapropriate academics) is being in constant fear of being physically assaulted, having that fear realized countless times, and living with a culture of absolute silence enforced not only by students but by the staff. Mere classroom noise seems utterly petty and trivial by comparison.

I was able to talk to DD's teacher yesterday. The teacher said that it had in fact been an especially "bad" week for behavior in the classroom. She was attributing the bad behavior to the upcoming Thanksgiving break. So, she said that she has started giving students who make good behavior choices the chance to have ipad time in the morning or at the end of the day. According to the teacher, yesterday was a pretty good day, because some of the "usual suspects" were ill.

DD is sensitive to noise. Still can't use a bathroom with the dreaded "Accelerator" hand dryers!

I feel badly for her as this must be very limiting. It may be an area to delve into further and explore potential causes. For example I've heard of similar responses from children who were adopted from desperate conditions, including orphanages in devastated areas, who subsequently needed help processing some things including loud sounds. On the other hand, I'm aware that sensitivity to noise can sometimes be an indication of ear infections which left undetected and untreated have lead to permanent decrease in hearing, even deafness.

If your child has Sensory processing disorder, the noise and other distractions become a matter of learning everything or nothing.

I have a child who himself becomes a distraction if there's too much distraction.

TRUE, but everything is relative and the fact that things could be worse doesn't mean you should tolerate what is bad.