Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Not-really-brag-so-much-as-quirky- anecdote thread

When our DD tried that out, we nipped it in the bud. We told her that Mom and Dad are titles of respect, much like Father/Reverend, Officer, Your Honor, or Mr. President. She's not on a first-name basis with us for the same reason she's not on one with her teachers... it's a subtle reminder that, while we're perfectly happy to follow her lead in some things, we can and will pull rank when we feel it's necessary.

Maybe because the lesson took hold early on, it hasn't been necessary to reinforce this lately. But I can say that in her toddler/pre-K years, she needed regular reminders that she wasn't in charge. This was a child who was convinced that everything we did revolved around her, when the fact was that only MOST of what we did revolved around her.

my DS3 does that sometimes...not often enough to really make him stop, I think. I think he just thinks it's fun. Just like he now thinks it's fun to call everyone by their names backwards. aka: nana is anan and mama is amam, etc etc. ...sometimes, when i call him by his real name, he corrects me with the backward one: "no, mama i'm [insert backward name here]". what a silly kid.

Love this thread! Here's a Halloween themed one that happened here:

An older kid at school told my DD4 about "Bloody Mary" last week. DD came home and said "Mom, a girl at school told me about Bloody Mary. Why did she tell me that story? I don't like that story."

I said, "I have no idea why she told you that story but I hope you know that it's absolutely not real. What did you do when she told it to you?"

DD's response: Well I was thinking about what kind of medicine Bloody Mary would need because she needs help!

That's true for my SO and me as well. I wonder how much of that is generational or our parents knowing that we were going to do what we wanted regardless of parental input.

I remember reading Anne of Green Gables and Marilla telling Anne that as long as Anne calls her by her first name with respect, then it is respectful or something like that and that always made sense to me.

My Swedish friends called their parents by their first name and I didn't think that was odd.

So all in all, I don't mind DD calling me by first name and I don't think it's weird that it doesn't bother you either but we might be in the minority on this in our cultural context.

Dude I just don't have any sense of respect from it as a title. Possibly less so than actually acknowledging me as an actual person by using my name than "mum".... But then we call our drs Dr Firstname and often the teachers are firstname too (the kids teachers choose what the kids will call them and hey have no trouble calling people by the name they request)...

Respect has just got nothing at all to do with a title to me. We use Dr as an identifier with the kids, so they understand they're seeing a Dr; we just call them "Firstname" when going by ourselves.... Again except for older generation specialists who clearly don't use their first names ever, when the same as our children we use whatever name makes people comfortable because its polite to do so... Respect is in your behavior, not titles for the sake of them.

Interestingly, despite having wills of iron, especially my HG+ middle child, they are not currently inclined to test or disrespect random adults out in the world the way some of my friends kids do, who are far more obsessed with titles, obedience simply because an adult has spoke, and traditional manifestations of respect that we are...

I have been thinking more about this, I'll ask my husband later, but if anything I would say mum/dad is affectionate not respectful. I should also note I was raised in circles where most of my mums friends worked very hard to get their kids to use their first names and my own mother was deeply distressed that I stuck determinedly with Mum. She's gotten over still being Mum 30 years later...

I agree with Dude about children not calling adults by their first names. It's a matter of taste that will not be settled here, and I would not call people who don't mind their children addressing them by first name "weird". I do dislike enforced informality, which can be as oppressive as enforced formality. When I was in graduate school, the leader of our research group expected us to call him by his first name. It was practically torture for our Korean post-doc to call him "Jim" instead of "Dr. Smith". In Korea that would be unthinkable.

Yes-- we are quite informal ourselves, but definitely encourage our DD to refer to adults with their proper titles unless specifically asked to do otherwise.

Particularly earned titles-- to which I include Dr. as well as Mom, Dad, and to some extent Mr. and Mrs. (because adults DO generally speaking have life experience, and she should respect that until she has reason to lose such respect).

It has been difficult for DD to refer to adults by their first names in professional/formal/educational settings. I also think that to some extent it is culturally insensitive for some Americans to insist upon it.

On the other hand, I've had difficulties with the school personnel on occasion because I would FAR prefer to be on a first-name basis with a 25yo teacher of my DD's rather than use titles... and honestly, no WAY am I going to be {Howler} while I stick with "Ms. Stickler" for the teacher. I did have a school administrator that didn't learn this lesson the easy way, however...

It's either first names or titles there. Mine isn't Mrs. Sorry. That's not an attempt to establish dominance, it's a matter of proper title. Like I said-- I think that first names is better between adults. LOL.


At any rate, some people are REALLY offended by not using titles. I consider this to be the equivalent of using informal forms of address in French or German-- sure, among peers it may be encouraged, and with close family, again, might be fine-- but generally in a professional setting it needs to be erring on the side of formality.

It just makes a better impression when you're dealing with the unknown when one defaults to the more formal means of address.

I think for me it comes down to being able to tell what people want to be called, and we expect our children to name people as they indicated they'd like to be named. At the medical practice we use the Drs generally introduce themselves to kids as "Hi there, I'm Dr. Firstname", to Adults they'll say "Hi Firstname, I'm Firstname Surname." If they're using my first name and not using their title I'm not going to. Specialists from previous generation "Hi Mrs Surname, I'm Dr/Mr/Proff Surname" gets calle whatever they name themselves...

And I know my kids are completely able to refer to the same adult by up to three titles based on context with no crossover and difficulty... At a previous school all female teachers were Miss Surname, married or not (I have NO idea why), so teachers known outside of school were Firstname in social setting, Mrs Surname in certain settings and Miss Surname at school...

I have no investment in being called mum or not, my husband and I both talk about each other as both Mum/Dad or by name and I honestly don't even notice what my kids call me as long as they speak respectfully to me. Mum, Mama, Mummy, Firstname... They're all me... I'm pretty sure none of them are using my first name much at the moment by I can't honestly remember because it doesn't register.