Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Finding Help for our Kindergartner

Fellow parents:

We start cognitive testing next week with a Developmental Psychologist. Our son has social/behavioral issues in educational settings. What if he doesn't want to do the test and we don't have proof of what we know?

Many at the kindergarten are mystified by our son. He might end up twice exceptional, but no one is convinced he has ADD or ADHD. We aren't convinced, the principal isn't convinced, our pediatrician isn't convinced, no one is... (sigh). He has some sensory issues, which fall into that over-excitability category. Heightened senses....and sock issues. They told us they didn't have time to figure out his "quirks". The school repeatedly points to the spectrum which we have ruled out twice. They are rude!! I honestly feel they have had no training in recognizing gifted traits. They told us that he only talks like an adult because he hasn't been socialized properly. (They somehow missed the fact that he was in the public pre-k program and his teacher suggested he was very probably gifted!)His intensity, endless curiosity, and sense of humor are all some type of disease to the school.

I hate sending my son to school everyday. We live in a small community with few choices on schools. I am considering home schooling, but I am not sure if I have the intelligence or the understanding to handle all those intense gifted traits. HELP!

Welcome! Lending support in hoping the testing goes smoothly, the Developmental Psychologist clicks with your child, and can bring out the best in him... unlocking the keys to further progress.

Sometimes it helps to share articles/resources about gifted characteristics with key individuals? Might his teacher be interested to join Davidson's Educator's Guild? Would your son's former preschool possibly complete a list of gifted traits observed, to share with his current school?

There have been several recent threads on homeschooling resources, here is one... (link)

There are some great books, including
Living With Intensity (link),
Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children (link),
and support articles on SENG (link)

Hopefully other parents will also post some encouragement and resources.

Welcome. You have come to the right place. This board has been a wealth of information for me while taking a similar journey to yours!

They probably haven’t! We had a very similar situation with our DS7 back when he was in K. Every behavioral problem could be explained by his giftedness and undiagnosed 2E. They just didn’t see it that way and preferred to blame his behaviors on bad parenting. I think they believed that the definition of giftedness is synonymous to what we called the “teacher’s pet” growing up. (Do they still use that idiom today? And I mean no offense by using that term – it was what I was called throughout my school days ;)) Anyway, we had him tested over the Christmas break and his scores came back in the gifted range with potential 2E issues. We never sent him back to the school and started homeschooling the next week. It was the best decision we’ve ever made.

But the school won’t even recognize those intense gifted traits. You will always have to be his number one advocate, whether you continue in a traditional school setting or decide to homeschool.

I must admit the first few months of homeschooling were definitely a challenge for us and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. This is okay! There are so many resources and curriculums out there and with some time you will figure out what works with your child.

You may want to take a look at the Gifted Homeschooler’s Forum http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/ and Hoagies’ Gifted http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/ if you haven’t stumbled onto them already.

Beware of short (15 or 20 min type) screening IQ tests given by a developmental pediatrician in a hurry. DS's score in the pediatrician's office on a brief screening IQ test was fully 25 percentile points lower than his subsequent wisc score.

On the school situation, until you get more information and figure out how to proceed can you keep him home some mornings or pick up early for a while, throw in a full day off here and there. Ask the school how their attendance is recorded (for example a school may count present by 10:30 in the morning as full attendance) and minimize the impact on his attendance. A pediatrician or psychologist can also write a note to excuse a longer absence. You may get a standard form letter home from the school at some point about tardies or absences but usually the principal and teacher don't begrudge "recharge" hours or days if the parent handles it in a way that doesn't hurt the school's funding.

If your son is quite mature in his speech, can you have a direct conversation with him about the testing? Does he like puzzles and logic type things? Let him know that the testing can be fun and that doing his best to give the answers they expect will be a useful part of getting him work that he may find more interesting/excited.

I hope this testing helps. We will talk about the test. At least a step in the right direction. I hope they can tell me what is going on.
He embarrassed me today at the school party. He didn't like the food and was hungry and moody and mean. Give him food and he is a different kid. Sigh... I think I need therapy!

Most kids enjoy testing. It is doing puzzles and playing game with an adult who is completely (almost) focused on them.

As others have mentioned, children often find this type of testing "fun" or at least not terribly upsetting. The psychologist will also give you feedback re your child's behavior during testing, ie, were they on track and focused, did their attention wander, were they bouncing off the walls etc. If he doesn't want to do the test, you won't have the test results that you won't, but you'll have another tiny bit of data - that your ds refused to take whatever part of the test. Sometimes it simply takes time - a lot of time - and more than one journey through testing before all the pieces fall into place and we are able to understand what's going on with our kids.

I'm curious if it's a neuropsych eval that your ds is going through or what type of testing? Are behavioral surveys or executive functioning etc testing included?


It sounds like you are looking at behaviors and framing them from the perspecitve of gifted traits - that's not a "bad" thing to do, but I'd also caution you to not dismiss things such as sensory issues etc as OEs that are sometimes seen in gifted children. That may be what's up, but whether it's related to giftedness or not, it's still a potential challenge for your child and you'll need to figure out a way to help him deal with it.

Another tricky thing about sensory issues - sometimes they are just that - sensory issues, sometimes they are something different that just shows up looking like a sensory issue. Sorry I am not explaining that very well today!


I am not sure who at school has told you this? If it's his teachers, yes, that's true. They really don't have time to figure out what's up. They can give you valuable insight into what's happening in the classroom with behavior and academics, but they aren't psychologists or drs and they aren't trained to diagnose. If you want help with understanding how your ds is impacted with respect to academics you *can* request that the school/district perform an assessment for IEP eligibility, where a team made up of teachers, SPED staff and school psych will evaluate and potentially give you insight into what your ds needs to be successful at school. OTOH, most of us here who have 2e kids have also found that a private evaluation is much more beneficial for the long-term and in understanding your child, because that's where you'll be able to get unbiased feedback, you'll be able to ask all the questions you want to, and you'll most likely get a diagnosis along with treatment/accommodation/remediation/etc suggestions that you won't necessarily get up front from the school where the school might have to fund them.



Can I ask how you ruled out ASD? If it was through a developmental ped or a psych, then you should have a report, and if the issue is raised again, share the report with the school. If it wasn't an actual ASD eval... please consider that some of what the school may be seeing may be valid data. It might not be ASD - many different types of issues have overlapping symptoms - but the key is, the teachers are seeing *something*. It may feel "rude" because you don't like what they are saying it is, but try to focus on keeping the lines of communication open, and listen to what they have to say even if it feels rude. I really had a tough time with this with my own ds when he was little - he was not performing *at all* in 2nd grade and his teacher was convinced he had ADHD. I was convinced his teacher was stubborn and bull-headed and was misinterpreting gifted traits as ADHD. It turns out we were *both* wrong - but I am so glad she thought he had ADHD, because that's what sent us to a neuropsych who diagnosed what was really going on.


I wouldn't worry so much about how you would handle the gifted traits in homeschooling - those are things you are going to have to recognize and learn how to handle anyway as he moves through whatever school he goes to and you advocate for him. OTOH, I am glad I left my ds in public school when he was young and struggling, because I really did mistake a lot of the symptoms of his challenges as "gifted traits". He is absolutely gifted and he absolutely has gifted traits, but there were a lot of behaviors driven by his 2e challenges that I didn't recognize as challenges - and had I pulled him out and homeschooled him I supsect we would have worked around those challenges for several years still not recognizing them, rather than finding out what they were early on and having the early years to focus on how to accommodate etc, which was ultimately so important as a first step to allowing my ds to be able to take advantage of gifted programming later on in school.

Best wishes,

polarbear

If you get any feedback of that type you are very lucky.

We did do behavioral assessments. We as parents scored high on hyperactivity due to lots of talking, interrupting our conversations and low patience with taking turns. Teacher didn't rate any category enough to qualify for ADHD.

Have no idea about test results. First half went well. Second half he didn't want to cooperate. I really don't blame him! We drove for an hour and a half, waited another half hour for testing to start, did 45 minutes of testing, then had to navigate the messy hospital cafeteria, 40 minutes later he was back to more testing. I think he got bored with it. Two tests he didn't want to cooperate, and he finally decided he liked the paint marker and squished it. I asked the doctor how she felt about possible ADHD? She said she wasn't sure herself. She was going to think on it. So I feel again, no conclusive data. It could be ADHD and it might not be. Today I saw several children who were very hyperactive, all over the place. DS is more distracted. However, it just depends on what he is doing. Many things he can focus on for long periods. Especially if he is interested. Wait and see seems to be the name of our game. I'm so weary of this.

Sometimes I think you just have to let things play out. He is five and still has a lot of growing up to do. I guess we will wait and see. Academically he is doing great, and enjoys school mostly, and has friends. So I guess I won't sweat and just see how it unravels. Some friends went through the same thing with their dd and it took until 2nd grade to prove the giftedness. I guess I should be thankful the issues aren't worse. And enjoy his unique qualities. If it wasn't for the school I would be much more at peace with this journey. Able to enjoy my ds and not have to worry about analyzing his every waking minute.

And yes, this was a developmental psychologist at a children's hospital that is nationally known. She has ruled out Aspergers and autism twice.