Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Infuriatingly Forgetful

My husband and I need some advice.

Our son, (6.7) has had an ongoing problem with selective hearing loss. Or so it seems. Maybe he has auditory processing disorder or something, we don't know.

The problem is summed up nicely by an example from this morning at school drop-off:

DS' backpack had a note in it that needed to be given to the teacher today. I attached it to his vocabulary notebook (that was supposed to be returned yesterday, but he forgot) and told him when he gets into class, to give the notebook and note to his teacher. I even opened his backpack and showed it to him. He looked as if he was paying attention and so I put it back and quizzed him, "Now what are you supposed to do first thing when you get into class?" He answered give the teacher his note and vocab book.

Well, not one minute later, he's out of the car and just walking off. Leaving his backpack and lunch on the front seat where it always is. He gets about twenty feet away from me and turns around and waves goodbye. I say, "What is WRONG with this picture??!!" He just hesitated. I said, "What did you forget?"

Only then did he realize he didn't have his backpack and lunch.

He's been in school since the first part of September and the routine is the same every morning, so it's not like he didn't know to put on his backpack and take his lunch.

My husband thinks he was so busy in his head trying to remember to give his teacher the note/notebook that he forgot the backpack it was in.

This is a classic example of what we deal with off-and-on with him. We give him instruction and it's really like "in one ear, and out the other" without making contact with his brain.

Does anyone have an idea of what is wrong with him? Is it just immaturity? We thought he would have outgrown this by now. We're concerned he is missing important instructions in class and not telling us he needs to bring in things. Like his reading minutes log, for instance-of which on his progress report the teacher gave him a fat zero when he has in fact logged in over 600 minutes so far! I sent that today, too.

Does anyone have an idea of what is wrong with him?

Yeah-- he's six.

Honestly-- even teenagers do stuff like this with some regularity. It's because they are still getting used to the cognitive controls, that's all.

This is why children lack certain rights and responsibilities under the law until they are a lot older. They're pretty flaky until the executive development is complete, and with HG+ kids, that's not until their mid-20's, it seems. Actuarial science doesn't lie, there. There's a reason you have to be 25 to rent a car. LOL.

My husband wants to ask the teacher to send home notes with DS to help him remember, but I said that is just going to enable him to continue along as he has been.

Sympathy. I agree with HK - nothing you say here suggests he's out of the ordinary in this respect for a 6yo. Of course it's possible that he's doing this kind of thing even more than normal - but honestly, I don't think many 6yos can be trusted to remember to do something at a given moment, even once, i.e. I think a 100% failure rate at that kind of challenge is still within normal.

Well into the 20th century it was common for young Americans to find jobs and get married in their late teens and early twenties. There are countries today where if you want to be a doctor, you take the pre-med courses during the equivalent of our 11th and 12th grades and then take a competitive entrance exam for medical school. To some extent, children will grow up faster if they allowed and encouraged to do so.

I was super forgetful as a kid and my mom was a complete enabler. I would leave stuff at home, get sent to the principal's office, call my mom and she would bring it to school. This happened a lot.

I out grew it.

I didn't end up dependent on my mom to help. In fact by high school I was probably unusually independent. I worked, had a packed extracurricular schedule, was in the top of my class, registered and drove to my SAT and ACT on my own and did all my college and scholarship applications on my own with no parental involvement or even awareness.

So at six I was constantly hearing "That girl would lose her head if it weren't attached to her body" and ten years later I was completely independent.

Beyond the age part, absent-minded professor is an archetype because it exists. I think there is a mixed blessing in the configuration of some gifted brains, where it can be 100% on focus on a single task. So anything being reinforced in short-term memory is at risk once they've turned their exclusive attention to something else. Also that 100% flow state is an enjoyable place, so may take longer to balance out for someone wired that way.

I was thinking about the term executive function, and how often I see C level executives with executive secretaries. They are inseparable, because the executive is 100% on game running the company. Schedules, appointments, timelines, briefcases, anniversary presents are the domain of the person 100% on game in managing a wide range of interrupt and time-based functions.

For some kids they have great executive function in what they've specialized in, but what they really need to develop is their executive secretarial function.

Somewhat ironically, teachers seem to have the same issue in reverse.

I'm feeling encouraged that this will work itself out. Meantime, anyone have a recommendation for a good downer for mommy?

I was going to ask if you had borrowed my (7 year old) DS. :-) He will put his shoes, which are next to his backpack on, and walk write out the door, sans backpack.

Perhaps I am enabling, but on a crazy morning, I have been known to toss said backpack in our van myself before anyone heads out the door.

We've been having some of this discussion in the 2E section, here:

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted..../Remembering_Assignments.html#Post171364

I bought the book recommended in the middle of that thread, and have been reading it -- I hope it provides some help. Mine is 11 and only has his head because it's screwed on really tightly.