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My DS just started preschool. He is in the 99th percentile in height, so he does look a year older than he is, so this helps disguise him as a typically developing child. The program is for 24-36 mos and he is 30 months.
After school, we all go to the park and talk while the kids play. I need advice on what to say when the parents notice his advanced language/cognitive skills. I have been saying things like (cringing as I type), "He's one of those kids that focuses on language, not motor skills". But as I move through the "denial phase", I know this isn't true and now I feel like I'm lying. I need to respond in a way that is truthful, casual and not apologetic, however respectful and sensitive to the what other parents might be feeling about their child's development.

Questions for you:
#1 What is your response when someone says, "Your child does what? I can't even imagine mine doing that!"

#3 Is this issue something that I need to just learn to live with and not worry about others judging us (because I know people think I'm drilling him with flashcards)?

What has your journey been like with new parent-friends?

Thank you in advance

ugh. I hate this. I'm not sure I have good advice, but merely wanted to commisurate. But what DH and I have taken to doing (after being quite annoyed by several parental responses to our DS3 is this: Say the minimum, and don't offer information unless specifically asked.

ex: Parent of another kid in DS's preschool seeing DS writing a sentence on a magnadoodle.

Parent: "Wow, he can write?"
Me: "Yeah...he really likes letters." (that's my go-to for the 'my kid can't do that' statement...I say he's really into math, or letters, whatever is in question.)
Parent: "When did he start writing?"
Me: "Oh, I don't know, he's been doodling stuff since around 2 or so." (understatement, but close enough).

End of conversation. (and it's even worse when they remark upon his prodigious counting skills and I seriously fight to the urge to say, "counting? What about multiplication? )

Basically, as annoying as it is to pseudo-hide this stuff...I just got fed up with the skepticism, questions about drilling, etc etc. So we stay pretty mum about the whole thing. (that's one nice thing about this forum!)

Another 99 n 99 here, who's seven now. We'd say "Yep, he's got his own plans; I try not get in his way as best I can."

Especially since your DC can HEAR you and understand it - I remember vividly when I realized that - it had been about me up to that point in terms of fitting in with other parents then. And as Mon says, it becomes about the other parent. Then i realized it was really about him and if i wasn't always his champion no one would be. That's when I stopped talking - if someone asked I would just say simple things, yes he is, or thanks, or what ever was simplest - because not only did I nott want to be denigrating him I also didn't want to be highlighting his out of level skills. I just wanted that to be just him, normal, just who and what he is. These issues come up all the time when little - like the age on the toys - had to explain to DS that it was for choking not brain age (term I got here).

Good news is that it fades as they get older - parents stop focusing on it as intensely although its still an issue - DS is in a gifted school getting some additional stuff in his area of skill and made the mistake of saying something to the middle school teacher and two other parents immediately wanted to know how do you know him, why does he know your kid. And I texted my DH - oops shouldn't have said anything!

DeHe

Love the 99 n 99 quote. As he continued to grow in the 99th, I worried that his size would be a social issue, I never imagined he would be in another 99th. : )

I just want you all to know how incredibly helpful your responses have been to my DH and I. I am full of anxiety as we go through this journey and you gave me great tools to work with, read them to my DH as soon as he got home tonight.
What I learned from these responses: keep it simple, talk about interests rather than skills, don't downgrade any of his skills to fit in with any groups, oh and also, we'll be in a secret society forever (LOL/oh well).

I always said something like, "Yeah, he likes words." Or "He likes to talk." Or whatever. I tried to make it about preferences rather than ability.

My hubby has a good friend whose wife used to say things about me "teaching" or "drilling" my DD8, and it used to make me SO CRABBY. Then I realized that it was more about her insecurity as a parent than about my daughter's intelligence....

Now I just laugh and say, "DD is DRAGGING me behind her as she rockets through things!" because it's the truth!! DD always laughs so hard when I say that, because she LOVES the visual she gets from it!

Indeed, I always say something to the effect of DD being really into xyz and dragging us in her dust You definitely have to get used to the feeling of being behind the 8-ball; DD prides herself on asking the hard questions that leave us (and we are brainy, I swear!) blank-eyed and slack-jawed ... lol
I actually started keeping a list of those questions

I never discuss, share thoughts or ask for opinion with moms who I meet in the park. Nor do I discuss DS with coworkers or relatives. I have 3 friends IRL with very gifted children and to them, I turn for advise, opinions and info of the btdt variety. Both my husband and I do not like being discussed behind our backs - which is what was happening when we were freely sharing our child's milestones at work and with friends. So, I have learnt to divert the conversation, look dumb, give very vague answers like "we are a talkative family" or say things like "your DD is such a good artist" etc.