Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy UPDATE: Teacher disciplining disability AGAIN

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with these awful people. Others have had much better advice; I just wanted to suggest about the bottle--what about one of those 'cooler' foam sleeves, like they have at Target, etc. (I think originally for beer bottles but you've probably seen them). That should take care of the condensation, I would think. Unless she's just making stuff up to be contrary, which does not seem out of the realm of possibility.

Okay-- my take, based on what went on in that meeting?

Your classroom teacher is a rigid person who doesn't have a clue about your child's disabilit(ies).

She's also been talking to the principal and the math teacher, the latter of whom is (okay-- maybe even a little understandably) frustrated by your DS' in-class behavior which sounds as though it may be driven by an inappropriate placement. I don't think that the math teacher is inherently an enemy.

The classroom teacher on the other hand, sounds toxic.

Here's the bottom line: they think you're a helicopter mom from hell, and they don't believe a word you're saying.

SO they are LOOKING for evidence to prove you wrong.

Make a list of what you DO want from a classroom teacher and placement-- first on the basis of disability, and with input from any professionals (docs, OT, etc) involved in his diagnosis/management.

Then do that again on the basis of what his GT needs seem to be at the moment.


You don't need to share those lists with the school at the moment, but you DO need to be thinking about prioritizing and getting as much of the most important stuff out of them as you can.

I think that your DS going home for lunch is tweaking them. This is sending up red flags (for them) re: possible enmeshment.

I mention that only because I've BTDT with my own DD and her disability, also hidden, and also one that contributes MIGHTILY to anxiety. Most people think that we're helicopter parents-- when they learn the truth, though (if they ever really accept it), they instead conclude that we're remarkably "hands off."

Do you have an outside mental health professional helping you strategize here? If not-- I'd line one up. NOW.

Also-- CONSULT with an outside professional and get buy-in first, but then--

I'd withhold attendance until they have your IEP/504 meeting. Period.

Calmly inform the school (at the bottom of your letter of understanding would be ideal here) that you are, on the advice of Dr. Expert, keeping your son OUT of an undifferentiated setting which lacks basic accommodations for his disabilities.

Then-- DO NOT NOT NOT discuss accommodations with anyone again until they find him eligible. Trust me.

HK-- My take exactly. Math teacher has all her info from toxic main teacher who has her very worked up about understandable annoyances she does not understand.

We do have some complications. We had a Psych who is an anxiety specialist and supposedly knowledgeable about gifted (the latter not so much) who told us she didn't know enough about his other issues (true) and left our case. It was a bad fit but that left us suddenly without our mental health piece... And our family doc suddenly moved out of state. We had about 2wks notice. So we lost our primary doc piece. I am working on replacing but it is very hard to find that fit.

I think we are taking a mental health day today. He said this morning, "Mom school is really damaging me. I need extra time with Miss (OT) to undo the damage." He keeps using that word saying, "School is doing a lot of damage. It's the reason I feel so sick."

I am going to polish off my notes and send them to all attending. Then I'm going to spend today working on getting in touch with someone appropriate for medical and mental health.

My husband wants to contact a lawyer.

I think that legal advice is much lower on the priority scale than psych and medical at this point. Now, if the school were to fire back with truancy charges (not bloody likely) then maybe.

I wouldn't-- YET-- send that letter of understanding to the school.

I'd try to get in touch with your previous two professionals for a "quick consult" re: educational issues.

At least that will let you spitball on the bottom of your meeting notes, insisting on a MEETING to determine eligibility. Your position long-term will be MUCH stronger if you take the time to do that now.

Great advice from HK. I would also very strongly encourage you to get the book From Emotions to Advocacy immediately if you don't have it.

With regards to holding him out until the IEP is in place, in the bad old days of our district (3 years ago), they refused to grant an IEP on grounds of inconsistent attendance. This was for a child who needed OT services, but had missed a lot of school with scarlet fever.

I get the need to hold him out, but be aware that a school that might be disinclined to help can use inconsistent attendance a grounds to deny services.

You just had neuropsych testing done -- can that tester be brought in as an expert to educate the teachers?

Lawyers quickly beget other lawyers. Can you find an advocate instead? We've had great luck having a dispassionate person in the room who can keep the gifted and disabled aspects of my children in her head at the same time.

I have attended several of Pete Wright's workshops. The guy knows what he is doing. And I think that in this case he would strongly agree with Geofizz above re: involving a lawyer at this point.

Yeah-- no lawyer. Keep that in your back pocket and hope you never get there.

There really aren't "good" outcomes once you get to that place, just in general.

I also don't recommend withholding attendance just on your OWN judgement that it is the right thing to do.

It's very important to have an external expert that advises non-attendance.