Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy 7 yr old & existential angst

I reminded DD7 that her birthday is in 4 more days woohoo. She started crying that she'll never be 7 again. Same thing last year about never being 6 again. I'm a little bit smarter this year so I delved into it with her. She told me that it makes her sad because before you know it "I'll never be ALIVE again." She proceeded to cry harder and finally told me that's she's really been upset and worried her whole life because she is afraid to die, and thinks that God is mad at her for being afraid, instead of just being happy to come and see Him (her language). She doesn't think she can talk to a minister about it because they are "too Godly", whatever that means. Thank goodness we have a counselor all lined up for just this type of thing, who met with DD a few times over the summer. I'll be calling her first thing in the morning. I knew these kids were way ahead on their existential angst, but I didn't think it would be a HUGE thing that she was hiding for over a year......Any ideas of what to tell her would be incredibly helpful. We are Christian and she is OK with old, sick people going to Heaven...... Thanks!

I read this but wasn't quite sure what to say! I did recall today having had a phase (around age 8/9) of having to do certain rituals before I went to sleep (make sure my nose was above the blanket and pillow so as not to suffocate, say a certain prayer I'd created to ask for protection against all sorts of things, etc.) so I wouldn't be as likely to die overnight. It was instigated, as I recall, by two TV episodes (Little House on the Prairie and Waltons) that dealt with rather violent/sudden deaths. I did get over it. Eventually. Never told my parents about it, of course.

I don't say that to make light of your DD at all. Just to say it may be somewhat common to develop these notions, at least for gifted children. I hope that your counselor has some tips for what to say and do.

Maybe talking with her about God being glad to see people happy, too, might help? Seems that she has internalized the belief about heaven being the ultimate goal, but that she needs to know/believe that God is ok with people being happy on earth, too.

Oh, if only our two kids got together on this. They would commiserate in existential soup.

For us, DS (now 6.5) had his major crisis last year. He was the opposite of your DD, though. He'd lament that he wished he could BE in heaven where he can live without____fill in blank with pain, hunger, fear, etc. We had to walk a fine line with that one. We told him that while we believe it's true when one is in heaven they no longer have the struggles they do here on earth, we told him God would NOT be happy to see him before He's ready for him to come because DS has a mission to fulfill in his life first. That seemed to help us, anyway. He no longer makes those comments, but now has moved on to talking about his future wife, kids, and careers. He's even drawn a blueprint of his future home!

Remind your DD that God made her with the ability to be afraid and won't be angry with her for something she can't help. Just as He won't be angry with her that she sometimes thinks mean thoughts, lies, etc. She's still in her corporal state and God understands that and that's why He gives us good help when we need it. (Such as a Sunday school teacher, minister, best friend, etc.)

Perhaps your DD will feel better if she knew God has a whole, wonderful plan for her life and as she moves from year to year, she is uncovering it and working through her fears. Sort of make it sound like a mystery unfolding...which it is!

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” —1 Peter 5:7.

Best subject line EVER.

Is there something with 7 year olds and existential angst? My daughter is in the same boat. This weeks problem has been that she doesn't want to grow older because there is so much to do. Three years ago it was who made god? I am so glad I found this forum.

"Who made God"-that's a good one! When my sweetie was 4 she decided that God does the work during the day and Jesus does it at night, so God could sleep, since He's much older than Jesus. She also told me that God HAS to have a wife to do wife stuff so God could do God stuff. (not sexist-my husband does most of the "wife" stuff at our house! Don't know why she calls it wife stuff, but she does!)

I love the way their minds work! And we are now talking to a counselor about the whole angst thing, and it is helping, thank goodness!

Required reading for parents of kids like this by James Webb:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowskis_theory_existential_depression_feb09.pdf

Thanks for that cite. I looked at some of the info about this two years or so ago, and had forgotten about this one. I think it will be very helpful!