Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy how 2 advocate for kid who appears happy in school

but is really not. I think that DS7 is genuinely happy to be around his friends and LOVES being the know it all and answering all the questions. So, to the teacher he appears happy. At home, there are non stop complaints about it being boring, nothing interesting, waiting for something new to learn etc.

We are likely going to advocate for a grade skip. It's a lot harder to do, I think, if your child appears happy.

What language do I use with the school to relay this message? (Also, I was thinking that I don't need to relay this information, as being happy or unhappy is immaterial here. It's an inappropriate fit and he simply deserves to be where he should be and he has ASKED to skip.)

What are your thoughts?

Have you read through the acceleration and advocacy threads? The Iowa assessment scale might also be a good start in framing your conversation with the school.

Not an expert but that's where I would start.

How about "I'm concerned about my child showing measurable gains in knowledge. Could you show me some pre-test and post-test scores of how he has improved?" Also is there any policy or opportunity about out of level testing you could use to show the need?

I second the advice above, and while I agree with you that happy vs not-happy shouldn't be in the equation - if he needs acceleration he should be accelerated - I would also add his "voice" to the conversations you have with the school. Since your ds is too young to be a part of the request for acceleration, you can speak for him. I feel it's important that the school know he is coming home and expressing upset over his school situation - and I've been in that position with my 2e ds many many times. What I do is simple - I tell the school staff "This is what is happening at home" and explain it, relating it back to what is happening at school. I learned from an advocate that I worked with that this really isn't all that uncommon - we tend to hear a lot about children who implode and have behavior problems *at school* - and those are the kids who get more immediate attention from the school staff - but there are a lot of kids who will act happy or at least compliant all day long at school and then come home and implode. It's important that the school staff realize this is happening, and when your children are young, you (the parent) are the person who relates that information to the school.

To get the acceleration, you'll need data that supports your request (testing, Iowa scales etc)... but you aren't only advocating for acceleration, you are advocating for an appropriate environment (through acceleration, accommodations, whatever) for your ds, and in order to do so, you need to share what he is telling you and how he is behaving at home when it relates back to his school day.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Been there, though my DD didn't look entirely happy, she hid it with compliance and a depression which they mistook for shyness. My DD is not shy, so that's a behavioral red flag for her.

I find in my advocacy efforts that it's best to ignore any conversations about happiness and focus on learning. If the school brings it up, I'd say, "That's great, but he doesn't come to school to be happy. He comes here to learn." Anytime they stray, I always redirect to that. I even put a statement to the effect of "DD needs to be learning" in her GIEP this year.

It's inevitable that they'll start with the "think about the entire child" line, with reference to socializing, sports, etc. Again, that can be easily redirected towards the core subject... "I am thinking about the entire child. I'm deeply worried about how his attitudes towards learning and coping with challenges will be affected if he spends an entire year in school not learning."

Thanks so much everyone!

Thanks for asking the question. Ds6 is going the same way. Not really unhappy but not learning much. The problem is they don't do skips, the teacher considers he is doing adequate differentiation and his creative writing is only grade level. And of course he isn't really unhappy.

Stay optimistic and persevere

Our district didn't do them either, teachers and school admins have been brainwashed by the 'whole child' myth. DW and I had to educate the district and it took several frustrating months to get there.

Our DD was compliant like Dude's DD but displayed OE's at times due her intellectual development being out of synch with her peers. She wasn't interested in the Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez saga etc. preferring instead to talk about things like why Pluto isn't considered a planet anymore or Egyptology etc. Thisled to some girl bullying and social isolation which in turn exacerbated the OE's.

Overcoming the 'social maturity/whole child' nonsense along with its associated 'autotude' took several tries. At first, the school counsellor needed to be on board but she just wouldn't listen to reason or the weight of evidence that being held down actually makes social maturity worse. Luckily, DD's teachers were very supportive and we were able to leverage their influence with the principal (also the super because our district is small). In the end, it took a one on one walk through of the IOWA Scale with the district super to get the skip taken to the school board.

The really cool outcome is that the school board needed to vote on the skip but the the combination of DD's WISC/WJ III results AND the Iowa Scale were so convincing that the board passed not only the skip but a motion to adopt the IOWA Scale as the yardstick district wide to determine the appropriate steps for bright kids in the future as well!

So far, the skip is working DD is just giddy about school now - do not want to say too much for fear of jinxing her...

Yes, private testing is expensive but we have seen the results and they are worth tightening our belts a bit last year for sure. DD's 2nd grade teacher did a complete 180 when she saw those results - she went from thinking that we were THAT kind of parent to actually publicly stating to others that she understood why DD wasn't interested in extra work sheets when she finished work way before everyone else now!

It is also important to note that if you are in a large enough district with properly trained and motivated staff, differentiated instruction can often be provided effectively 'in grade' but our district is so tiny that a skip,was really the only option.