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Hello, I'm new here and wondering if anyone else has experienced any of these personality issues with their kids. My HG son, age 7, is extremely stubborn, negative, rigid, and frankly anxious and depressed. We took him to a neuropsych for testing and she said these are classic HG issues. She said that my son is immature, and the conflict between being HG and his immaturity is causing these issues. My daughter is also gifted, although not quite to the extent of my son, and she has none of these issues.

He also refers to himself in the 3rd person, which I have never really heard another kid his age do. He has been doing this consistently for over a year. It just emphasizes his "otherness" to the world.

He can be funny and delightful, but he can be really difficult to be around.

Because of all this, he has a hard time making friends. He tells me that he has to "trick" people into being his friend. A lot of his thinking is just so wrong. I asked the psych if this is what mental illness looks like at his age and she said no, his thinking is not disordered and she was not concerned.

We are taking him to a social group because his social skills need work, will be taking him to occupational therapy to address his writing aversion, smell hypersensitivity and hypersensitivity to pain. We are doing cognitive therapy, trying to address his negative thinking. I am discouraged, he has been like this his whole life and I want to help him. Anyone been there or have any observations? thanks

Welcome JenT! I recognise some of what you say from my own childhood - but not from my own DS, and I'd be very concerned in your place. OTOH, it sounds as though you're already doing most of the things that might help. I wonder whether the psychologist was just trying to reassure you that his perception of reality is OK, he isn't psychotic? Otherwise, being unconcerned seems an odd reaction to someone having a really hard time, tbh.

The one thing you didn't mention in your post was your DS's educational situation. Many of my problems were (I think) caused by substituting perfectionism for real challenge because I couldn't get any of the latter (and didn't know how to handle it anyway). How is he getting on at school (if he's in school) and how does he feel about it? Could there be some of that for him? I could imagine that a writing aversion might make it very difficult to get him proper differentiation or acceleration if he needs it, but that could be a chicken and egg situation.

Was he formally diagnosed with anxiety and depression?

Collinsmum... He was in a regular 1st grade class and he did say it was boring. Although you are right, his issue with writing makes school a struggle. Now that he is identified as gifted at our school he will have a pull out class 2x a week for an hour. It's not much, but I think he will like the GATE teacher and I am hopeful that he will enjoy it. He is a perfectionist and he gets irritated if he has to work at anything. Not good life qualities.

Ultramarina... He was not formally diagnosed as anxious and depressed, but I think he is. The psych says he is typical highly gifted, we have talked about it several times. He doesn't seem typical anything to me. He is exhausting. So stubborn and he still has the occasional tantrum.

Has he done any group therapy? I'm thinking that could really be beneficial for him to learn how to relate to other kids better.

He did group therapy at school last year. The counselor dropped him because he was "sabotaging the group". Although that does sound like my son...he is like a junior attorney, loves to argue... it didn't seem fair to him. I will address it again with the school in the fall.

Has anyone tested for Asperger's/autism? (The ADOS is a good test for ruling this in or out.) The collection of issues you described, together with the linguistic quirk about naming himself in the 3rd person, is all very typical of kids on the autism spectrum.

I would not be inclined to see these issues as stemming from giftedness alone. My DS11 (who has Asperger's) went undiagnosed for a LONG time because he is so verbal and bright that nobody (including many professionals) believed he could be autistic.


Those are a very reasonable collection of things to try, and I would bet you would see progress on the specific issues you're treating. I am a big believer in CBT. (Our family has also had success with ABA (behavior therapy)-- they helped correct our son's pencil grip and writing fluency issues after the school OT failed to do so, as well as solving countless problems at home and school.)

How is school for your DS?

DeeDee

Thanks everyone for your help. I really appreciate it.

School is a struggle for him. We were really lucky to have great teachers for him in K and 1st, and they made it work. Thank goodness for them.

His rigidity shows up at school, he always says that nobody will play with him. When I talk to him about it, he says that he wants to play a certain game but with no outs. The other kids don't want to play with no outs, so he just spends recess by himself. It's basically his way or the highway and that's why he spends a lot of time by himself at recess.

In addition, he has made his mind up that nobody likes him. Even when I see him playing with other kids and being happy, he will deny that it happened when I ask him about it later. He says he "tricked" the kid into playing with him and the kid doesn't like him. My son is such an unusual child.

I thought he was on the autism spectrum for years, but my husband is a pediatrician... he says no. The psych says he is not. The social group we take him to uses ABA and almost all of the kids there are on the spectrum. My son fits right in, so if he is not on the spectrum, he is a neighbor of the spectrum. lol

As a person who suffers from generalized anxiety, I can tell you that, in my personal experience, it could be responsible for all of the behavior. Anxiety may cause rigidity, negative thoughts, social awkwardness, and eventually depression. My DS6 also has some moderate anxiety (lovely to wonder if his anxiety was caused by nature or nurture! Probably both).
It's wonderful that you are helping him at a young age when he can develop better coping and social skills.

You are doing all the right things. You are a great mother. Just keep on going.