Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sore loser

I also wanted to pass along that this is a perpetual topic on gaming boards - how to help kids develop the ability to lose (and win!) graciously. If you look here, you'll find many threads worth of discussion. It's not generally targeted at gifted kids, but I suspect that the children of board gamers are, on average, a little smarter than the average bear.

ultramarina, mine is also the weepy sort; tears well up and then the silent treatment. My son really isn't competitive by nature, except when it comes to chess. He used to be a bit with Uno, but he doesn't play anymore. The only games he enjoys are ones that his friends can't play. So, he's really only ever played against adults.

I an hoping that, since he is so pedantic, he will follow the rules and etiquette on the day anf behave. I figure his behavior is that way because he is comfortable with us.

I don't want him to give up, and I don't want to encourage that, either. He has wanted to do this for a while, and I feel it's better to guide him to better behavior, rather that punish him for having feelings (albeit, "immature" ones)

I just wonder if there is some way he could practice playing with someone other than you, in a situation with a bit more pressure, but not as much as the tournament...you know, to ramp up? Any chess clubs for kids in your area at all? Can you just find an older kid he can play with? It's true--he may not be that way at all with those other than you. With my DS, the worst of all is to lose to his sister; we're second-worst; with other family members or other children, he is markedly more composed.

squishys, one suggestion I have for you is to make sure that your DS has other venues for practicing gracious losing. I kind of alerted here on your report that


It can really set up a not-so-great situation when the only real chance you have to use that skill set is in a domain that matters too much for you to exercise good self-control.

The best situation is to practice the skill with board games where there is ONE 'winner' and multiple losers, preferably people that the child trusts.

That way, not winning is not leaving you "the" loser, if that makes sense.

Yes, not being the sole loser. As a family we play games like Scrabble and Scattergories; he does well in losing with those.

I guess it's something I will have to deal with. I just really hope that he will be gracious in front of a large audience- and I will be practising graciousness and game strategies as a package.

ultramarina, my son plays chess with his best friend but I have no idea of the end result, as they play at school (although I will be cheeky and assume that my son probably wins). His friend will be moving interstate next week

He will be joining a holiday chess thingy in a couple of months. There isn't a regular chess club, unfortunately. I know there are a few gifted kids at my son's school, maybe I could form a club.

Just wanted to update...

My son was wonderfully behaved! In fact, he won the only trophy and certificate for fair play and sportsmanship! He was so proud of himself

He ended up in 32nd/38th place, but he was playing against well-practiced 9-12 year olds, so he was happy with the placement- phew. I was just hoping and wishing that he wouldn't be placed last!

Great news! Gives me hope for my own son, too!

I am so proud of my boy. He was so calm and mature about everything, it was awesome. I noticed he was a little overwhelmed towards the end, once everyone heard how old he is, they all gathered around to watch (about 10-15 of them), and some were making annoying comments. But other than that, he shook their hand, and wasn't bothered when they won. So very proud

Now he wants to join a weekly group and he can't wait for the next tournament next term (qualifier for the state championship!).

When my sons were young as I'm sure is the case with most kids, they also hated to lose and it played havoc with their emotions at times. Gaming was a large part of them learning to win and lose gracefully in addition to emphasizing the following often:

1. You learn more when you lose than when you win because most of the time the person who's beating you is better than you at what you're playing. You learn little when you're handily beating someone. Never quit in such a scenario, you're passing up a prime opportunity to learn and to learn how to work your way out of a difficult scenario.
2. It would get boring winning every time just like it would get boring if all you ever ate was ice cream. The challenge is half of what makes a game fun.
3. There is room in the world for more than one good player, one smart person, or one highly creative person.
4. The sun will rise tomorrow, I'll even prove it to you by reminding you first thing in the morning. You'll even find you enjoy at least part of tomorrow.
5. Show you child someone throwing a fit when they lose and ask them how they view that person at that time. Then ask them if they think they appear anymore appealing when they throw a tantrum when they lose.
6. Teach them to turn losing into a positive thing by letting it inspire them to practice harder / learn in more depth.