Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Non-Gifted Parents/Gifted Environment-Xperience?

I have been trying to figure out how to answer this question. Neither DH or I have been formally tested but I am reasonably confident we are both gifted, evenly matched with different strengths/weaknesses, however, I am much more 2e than he is and he had a much better education than I. We are much less gifted than many of the parents here and it is intimidating at times. Our eldest is gifted but very 2e, in ways that make her appear profoundly average and rather annoying, as compared to some 2e kids who are overtly gifted and overtly something else. Our middle child appears to have inherited all of both parents' strengths and I would say is more than 1/2 an SD ahead of both of us. Our youngest is too young to tell, but may be more gifted again than the middle child, I'd be surprised if they aren't at least equal-ish. So yes we are living with children we believe to be more gifted than we are. I also have medical issues that cause brain fog, word loss and have shredded what WM I may have had.

As frequently happens, HK has said what I would say better than I would say it, but I have something to add:


And the reason we can learn something from everyone is because the inverse of HK's rule is also true: we're all smart.

I've never been formally tested, but I've self-administered IQ tests, and I took the SAT back when it was an acceptable proxy for intelligence, and both put me in the 130+ realm, which feels right, even though none of these are particularly reliable. My DD8 took the RIAS, which is also an imperfect measure, and she scored a few points ahead of me, but still within the same SD. I pointed this difference out to DD this week, during a discussion of what IQ really means. And then I asked her, "Do you think you're smarter than me?"

DD: "No." [good answer]

Me: "Right... because I'm older, so I've learned a lot more, but more importantly, I've learned how to learn. That number [the IQ score] doesn't say anything about what you know; it only says something about how quickly you can learn. You still have to go out and actually learn things."

That pretty much sums up my perspective on the whole thing. The very best teacher is experience, and since everyone has different experiences, we all have something to learn from each other.

And so, as an MG poster, I'm not at all intimidated by the HG/PG crowd here, because:

1) There's a lot I can learn from them, and I enjoy the opportunity.
2) There's a lot they can learn from me, because I can bring a different perspective.

In our case, I can get into my DD8's head many times because her modes of learning and experiencing the world are very similar to mine, causing me to joke that I have the user's manual to her brain. This all seems alien to my DW, who denies being gifted despite displaying many of the traits, but whose brain is wired very differently from ours. At the risk of oversimplification, DD and I are visual/forest types, and DW is an aural/trees type.

In addition, DD and I share a set of temperament/personality traits... but there's another set in there which are alien to me, but DW totally understands. So, depending on the situation at the moment, either DW or I will point at the other and say, "That's your daughter," and let the other to figure out how best to deal with it.

First of all, I would say don't worry about it; if you find some of the posts helpful, then you obviously belong here.
My children have benefited from the wisdom and experience of some of the posters so that is why I am here.

An IQ number by itself is overrated, especially for adults and especially when you evaluate an adult in the context of a childhood IQ number. There are so many other variables at play that the demonstated/effective intelligence druing any given time span may be significantly different from that IQ number from childhood.

Even if I don't go back so far and stick with adult measures, I still can't say that number accurately reflects my current level of functioning. Based on some IQ conversion charts that a number of elite societies used years ago to convert certain test scores like the SAT, LSAT and GMAT scores, I was borderline DYS level even as recently as my young adult years. However, I am now in my 40's and I can attest that my brain is in decline and I am not as "intelligent" now even though I am certainly far more knowledgeable. There is also the issue that we tend to develop in the area of our expertise (profession) so that other areas tend to decline at least by comparision. There have been some threads, which I had no inclination to exert the mental energy to appreciate and other threads that would have required some review/brushing up for me to fully comprehend.

My point is that your childhood IQ nubmer doesn't preclude you from a forum like this one where posters come for a variety of reasons beyond the commonality of having gifted children.

Even though DS is DYS and significantly beyond the minimum DYS qualifications number-wise, I don't necessarily interpret that to mean that he must be more intelligent that I am. Some abilities (even cognitive ones) cannot be measured by an IQ test. He is also too young to determine where he will end up in a decade and I truly believe that relative abilities do fluctuate somewhat during childhood as children have cognitive growth spurts at different times. I used to have some weird ability with certain complex math problems that has nothing to do with traditional academics . . . sometimes answers came to me subconsciously if I stopped trying to consciously solve the problem. I don't know whether DS has that kind of ability. We also have different mixtures of strengths/weaknesses that can't be adequate captured by an IQ number.

I think that's probably a pretty standard ability.

Most people don't use it, however, because they don't realize that it exists.

Granted, the other problem with that strategy is that you won't necessarily get the answer *when* you need it.

I am a non gifted parent of a child who I believe is gifted (not tested yet to confirm). I know how you are feeling, I lurked and read on this board for months before I ever posted anything. Any time I have posted I have found that the members here are really kind and courteous. I tend to be blunt and have probably offended many people with my own vernacular. If that is the case, I apologize because my heart is always in the right place even if my words come out wrong and I would never intentionally hurt someone elses feelings. And yet, even though I have more then likely made mistakes, I still feel welcome here.

I am glad to be able to read/post and understand more of what my daughter goes through. Sometimes I feel that I have no clue how to advocate for her and reading all of the information here has really helped me to disseminate what is important from the background noise. One thing I have noticed is that really, no one's experiences are identical and there are many many different ways to handle giftedness.

I find that sometimes when I read a post I need to take what I need from it and leave the rest behind.

I do think I have a higher then normal intelligence level (just throwing that out there in a shameless attempt to fit in better...LOL) and honestly, am thankful for that.

Pretty standard in my IT experience. It's a common strategy when failing to solve a complicated technical problem to get out of the computer room, indulge in your habit of choice (coffee/soda/cigarette), and stop thinking about the problem for a little while. This, it is hoped, helps you access that subconscious thinking part of your brain without running into the time constraint problem. If not, it can also help provide a mental reset, because you were obviously thinking down the wrong path, and coming in fresh again might correct that.

For situations that don't involve emergency downtime, personal downtime has often been a major help. I can't tell you how many times a particular coworker began a conversation with, "I was in the shower this morning, and..."

LOL. You may be right. However, I think that I tapped it without consciously thinking about its existence. Sometimes it worked on the spot as long as I don't try to justify it by logic and reasoning.