Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What's the Point? Busted meritocracy?

Sadly, I have to reluctantly agree with Jon. My DD was born to be an attorney. Seriously. But we are NOT encouraging her in that direction. We have our reasons.

Be sure to check out two numbers, Lori--

1. Annual numbers of graduates from US Law schools, (or for that matter, bar exam pass rates) and--

2. Employment projections in the field for the next decade or so.

It's pretty easy math from there. Unfortunately.

A fun read: Why Smart People Have Poor Communication Skills – and What to Do About It

What good is it to have money, if you can’t buy influence? If I had money I would use it to best suit my family. I blame my parents for being poor.
But, really money does buy influence and it should. Communication skills will always matter and they should. Introverts can communicate just as well as extroverts, they can take on leadership roles, and they can be successful.
Another good read is Emotional Intelligence; I believe that if you place to a high a value on Intelligence and not enough on interpersonal skills you are only looking at a small part of the picture.

hee - i came here to say the same thing!

i think i've learned to value both skills - it's quite a mixed bag round our house. my husband has the IQ, but not the EQ - i started life with no EQ at all, but realized early on that i had no friends and learned to cheat it. our kid seems to have been born with both IQ/EQ, almost to a fault - getting her to ease up on her EQ skills so she doesn't totally blend in (and devalue herself/brains in the process) is apparently going to be the challenge of my lifetime.

but i'd still love a meritocracy - mostly for my husband, who would love to just stop playing "the game" all the time and get on with it. and i guess for my kid, so she could just relax for a minute - it's probably a lot to manage for a 5-year old.

Okay, I'll play... why should it?

Okay, I thought you would say that and I already told my daughter that there would be people on this board who would disagree with her advice. My husband has lawyers working for him, definitely not making enough money to make all the hard work and student loans worth it. My husband had to compete with a lawyer for the management job he has now. My husband with his management degree, experience, and the right social connections got the job. His experience as an office manager for a social service agency which required a lot of legal knowledge and the ability to work with lawyers and to argue effectively for positive changes won him a lot of respect from coworkers and administrators. He has often been mistaken for a lawyer because he has the same acting ability that my son has but has never taken acting classes. If he is talking to a lawyer he talks like a lawyer. If he is talking to a farmer, he talks like a farmer. If he is talking to a biker, he talks just like a biker. People like him because they think he is just like them and he is able to get information from them that other people can't get and he knows how to best use that information to come up with really good ideas and then he has the ability to sell those ideas to his supervisor. He is a problem solver and he can work under pressure, even with pain. He is a Vietnam vet and a cancer survivor but looks and acts younger than he is. He is a good role model for our son because he didn't let pain stop him. He took very little time off work when he went through cancer treatment.

I think my son has a lot of his dad's personality traits and would do well with a more versatile degree like management or information technology. His brother and a cousin are IT people, but I want my son to be around more people and have more friends. I think legal knowledge would be a big plus but I wonder if he could learn some of this on his own, maybe online. Does anyone know of any good online resources? He seems to be interested in law, especially copyright law and constitutional law (also very interested in politics) and often reads law related articles to me that he found interesting, but I haven't really looked into any of this because of the medical issues. We are hoping that after he recovers from the scoliosis surgery in June that he will be able to do a lot more than he has been able to do this last year. He will probably be in a lot of pain for at least four weeks and full recovery will take a year. He won't be able to push himself physically, but I think he can mentally if he gets past the pain issues.

I think it is common for lawyers and people who work with social service agencies of any kind to become cynical and my husband did pick up that same cynicism. I don't want that for my son. He is already cynical enough.

We need to think positive, even as we deal with all life's tornados.

I found this little list on this website that describes those who lack EQ:

People who are low in emotional intelligence:
·Are abrasive, arrogant, or hostile
·Are perfectionists who hold themselves and everyone else back
·Lose their tempers and pollute the work field with negative emotions
·Shut down under pressure and become rigid
·Alienate coworkers, customers and clients
·Mismanage themselves and others
·Lose focus when swamped with emotions they can’t handle
·Operate from a fear-based perspective
·Fail to get in the loop because of low social skills, and ‘the loop’ is where it all happens
·Have no leadership skills
·Lack the creativity and flexibility to generate alternative solutions and problem-solve effectively
·Cannot cope with the unpredictable
·Are unable to communicate effectively with those around them
·Do not have the resilience necessary to withstand the rejections, losses and failures or everyday work life
·Are cynical and pessimistic, an attitude which discourages any kind of positive action and accomplishment both in them and in others
·Can’t handle stress and anxiety
·Take more sick days and produce less when they’re present
·Agitate, gossip, bully and harass others
·Are too afraid to take the risks that bring results

I'm willing to admit I see myself in many of these traits.

Lori, your description of your DH is very much the way that DD and I both tend to be:


People like him because they think he is just like them and he is able to get information from them that other people can't get and he knows how to best use that information to come up with really good ideas and then he has the ability to sell those ideas to his supervisor. He is a problem solver and he can work under pressure, even with pain.

I've been 'used' by every organization that I've ever been associated with because of those characteristics. I'm a natural mother confessor (so to speak) so I'm always the last person to handle an interviewing candidate-- when they are tired and then the guard comes down, see... I just feed them line and let the true human trolls reveal themselves as they relax enough to talk ever-more freely to me. I feel safe and unintimidating, I guess.

I'm also usually the "handler" for very difficult people. It's stressful and I don't like it, but I seem to be better at it than most people. I don't respond emotionally in general terms-- or at least I don't actually ACT on those responses precipitously.

My DD is the same way.

Going by some traits on that list, I have the EQ of a rock.

And thus it is a bad idea for people to equate EQ with introversion. Often it is quite the opposite. People can be exhausting for me partially because I can't not give 100% attention and focus to someone.