Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Needing discipline advice, desperately

Just to add on to some of what was shared above--I think what can work, with a kid like this, is to have as few rules as possible, but the ones you do have be as consistent as possible about it. So, pick the behavior that bothers you the most, that you will be the most motivated to be consistent on, first, and focus on that. I can say that every time I have done that, it hasn't taken more than a few days of total consistency to extingish it. Also, don't say something unless you are going to follow through and physically redirect him if he doesn't comply. I have heard it called Get off your butt parenting. I know how exhausting it is. And I had been a teacher, and was quite smug about my ability to manage a classroom. I didn't expect a one-yr. old to make me question everything!

Also...based on what you have shared here I find it highly unlikely that this is a kid who will "even out". Sometimes gifted kids at older ages may hide their ability to blend in, they may lose their love of learning in a bad educational fit, they may become underachievers, but they don't become ungifted, IMO.

Definitely normal (think terrible two's just a bit earlier). The absolute best thing you can do for this age is distraction to avoid a situation where he would need discipline. If he tends to throw things on the ground during lunch, make him clean it up (with lots of help from you). Consider a "weaning table" as they are called (essentially a tiny table and chair where he can eat &/or color). Sit with him & guide him through every meal. This will be tedious at first but will pay off I promise! It's not nearly as fun to drop things when it is from the height of 1 foot... and when you make him clean it up!

Someone suggested a water table. I second this. Get one with drains & a cover to keep it clean. We have a wonderful height adjustable one with drains on either side (and it has a cover). We fill both sides with water because I don't want to deal with sand.

Also, you can fill a shallow Tupperware container with lentil beans and put in scoops, bowls, ect (entertainment for hours).

I am not a TV person and everyone says "no TV before 2" but I think its ok when the kids do "get" it. We have the entire Discovery Planet and Oceans DVD set. It is for adults but my kids love it.

Get puzzles. Figure out where he is with puzzles & get some his level and some more challenging.

Does he color yet?

This age is hard and I can just say I totally empathize. My 10 month old is just getting there and my 3 year old still has her moments reminiscent of those really challenging ages! Hang in there

I started a thread when my son was 14mo asking about early signs giftedness. I've linked it below because the answers the community generated were superb. (Thanks again everyone!)

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....5218/Feedback_please_Is_this_normal.html

Re: water tables, I've always just pulled a chair up to our kitchen sink or pedestal basin in the powder room. This saves us space and money in our condo, and it reduces the risk that my wood floors get destroyed...! Obviously this requires parental supervision, but DS is one of those children who learns interpersonally, so I wouldn't have been off the hook if it was set on the floor.

Here's a thread I stared recently on toddler media that have been hits in our house. Maybe you'll find some of the ideas helpful, since our sons are only a few months apart in age:

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/154238/Favourite_toddler_media.html

I think that this is just part of intelligent 'testing' of the environment that a bright kid finds itself in. My DD was a true and literal terror at that age. I used to think 'God - please let her be precocious so that this is the "terrible twos"' - it wasn't; she got worse, a lot worse before she got better.


I still remember one time that DW told her to do something and DD (3 at the time) immediately started arguing about it. When DW tried to stop this DD replied 'But if you don't teach me to argue Mummy then who will?'. DW and I still chuckle about it now but it was hard to keep a straight face at the time.

By 4 she had learned to 'deal' and is now a sweet child for the most part (now 8).

A perfect place for this link. I think that rhetoric is a fabulous skill to teach gifted children.

Just noting that those verbal kind become really formidable again in a disciplinary sense around age 11-14. Worse, they really CAN out-argue most adults, so hone your own skills in the interim, believe me-- and learn to research anything in a HURRY so as to provide backup evidence to refute their hare-brained teenaged logic, because they'll certainly be researching to back their own positions.

They are like hotshot TV attorneys with massive research teams... on a RedBull bender. With a side order including the common sense of gnats.

(oy.)

So. Teaching rhetoric and debate has a down side, too. Just saying.

Max's Mom, you have my complete sympathy. My son was born with an agenda and the will to see it through! His determination to explore and need for constant stimulation, added to little sleep, just about broke my husband and me during the first 3 years of his life. He's only 3.5 now, but these last six months he's made several developmental leaps and life is better, if not easier.


It didn't matter what kind of discipline we tried, there was very little that deterred my son when he had a goal in mind. He'd just take the consequence and be right back at it, or as close as he could get if we took it (or him) away. Fortunately for our survival, he turned a corner once we could make deals with him and each get something that we wanted. There are certain nonnegotiables, but for everything else I'm willing to compromise if it will give us peace and speedy compliance.

Very interesting. My son also LOVES a reaction and is an expert at pushing people's buttons. But I discovered around 2 that I could often role-play the mischief/naughtiness/exaggerated reaction with his stuffed animals in the middle of a meltdown which would delight him and diffuse his own misbehavior.

It sounds to me like you are letting your child get away with his behavior, possibly because of his gift. Any child will get into trouble and will test their limits. You need to set boundaries and stick to them just like is needed for every child. The biggest difference - for me at least - is that along with the time-out I need to explain why the behavior was wrong and allow him to ask questions. It is not simply "go to time-out" but often a 5+ minute conversation regarding the issue.

You need to offer explanations of why the behavior was bad. Part of the problem with advanced children getting into trouble this young is that they have all of the "normal" curiosity for their age, PLUS the intellectual curiosity of older children. This can be complicated by the simple fact that a child this age does not have enough safety skills to investigate some of those things yet.

My advise is to set firm boundaries and then stick to them. Offer clear explanations. Most importantly, when you see him wanting to get "into" something he should not, you need to find a fun & age appropriate way to allow him to explore his topic of interest. Good Luck!

Wow,

I am so grateful for your comments and advice...I was getting so overwhelmed I felt as if I was becoming a bad mom and not enjoying the ride...

Shortly after I last posted, we left DS for a couple of days with my parents which left us time to relax and regroup.

I am trying to apply your numerous ideas to our daily life and, as I mentioned before, they seem to be working, yayyy...And conjointly, overnight, DS starting being very cooperative putting unwanted food items BACK in his plate rather than on the floor without being asked, getting him a lot of praise in the process which he of course loves. We also started a game where we hand each other items and say thank you and he now uses it with purpose.

Jen4103 very pertinently mentioned, on this thread, that I was probably letting him get away with things because he showed signs of being gifted...Spot on. I find my mind racing all over the place with this little one without much certainty I can hang on too and wanted to avoid making mistakes, afraid that they would have a specific impact on him...which leads to very inefficient parenting (and bad disciplary decisions!)
When he is showing typical toddler behaviour, albeit with a hyperactive twist

Anyway, again a BIG thank you for all the info...I am so glad I found this place!

xxx






You guys are awesome...

The most milage my two year old has got out of anything is a whiteboard easel and a ton of dry erase markers. When she was a little bit younger she would dance while she was scribbling, then tell me she drew a backpack, or a row, row, row your boat. Now we use a lot of canvass and water color paper and printer paper, but nothing in the world has ever got as much use as that whiteboard. And so much easier to clean up than any other art supplies ever. Just sit there with them until they're old enough not to put the markers in their mouth (redirect that). Bonus! You can cook or read or anything while they're engaged.
There's a sticky parenting trap. My kids are so much better behaved when they're kept engaged doing something most of the day. I have Rubbermaid shoeboxes with Science supplies (wires batteries motors from radio shack), craft supplies ($10 craft jar from hobby lobby-worth it... I wasn't sure it would be.) They don't even make stuff with either box half the time, just rummage through them like a sensory game, pulling stuff out and looking at it, a rubbermaid box of crayons and colored pencils. My kid was as young as yours when I bought a poster board to teach him scribbling. I have a whiteboard for the second kid, but the first kid got a single posterboard he scribbled on for almost a year. I started them on Hooked on Phonics and a tracing letters workbook before the age of two. That's why it's a sticky parenting decision because they say names such as "hothousing" when you teach your kids stuff too young, like maybe you shouldn't do it. But the kids do behave better when you keep them engaged and learning on and off every day.
Really, I had to teach my kids how to play. Initially I set up a group of toys and sat down beside them and read to myself, telling them to play. Surprisingly, kids are not born knowing how to entertain themselves, even with all the best toys. It's almost like the parent has to insist, at first. Just like anything else, a little each day and it becomes a habit. My kids are not great at playing every time, but really they're decent at entertaining themselves (at age five and two) in the playroom, in the yard, they even occassionally play a board game togeather without an adult playing. This takes good timing on when to pull it out (on a good day) and I sit nearby, reading a book to myself or something. Still I'm proud. And it's something I've worked toward teaching them. When my first kid was your kid's age he certainly did not know how to "go play". I don't know if you know that's something a parent gently and slowly teaches, at least I did. I was surprised to learn that kids didn't naturally do that without being trained to "go play". It's because the parents are the kids favorite toy, but you can teach them to like their other toys and games.
P.S. the posterboard for scribbling got more milage than coloring books at that age.