Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion more on "Tiger Mom"...

What is the goal, though?

Material improvement and more wealth?

Status improvement and more whatever lots of status us called?

In my particular case it is nothing more than trying to do everything that I can to best ensure that my DD is set up for as much self actualisation and independence as possible.

I couldn't give a hoot what others think - this is not about a race - I do not need my DD to think that she is better than others at all.

I was asking from the asian immigration cultural perspective.

Although I will point out that interdependence is generally a better goal than independence, given that we remain both dependent and independent as we go through life.

I not see it that way, but perhaps I should been clearer with my first statement. The way I see it, interdependence is so ubiquitous that I do not see the need for it to be stated. Given that, the proportion of dependence to independence is the thing that I would like my DD to have more control of, i.e., more independence than abject dependence.

Selective college admissions is a race (or contest). I have told my children that in addition to getting good grades, they should try to get really good at something. My eldest thinks he can shine at math (contests). His little brother says he is good at hiding .

No hook, no admission.

Bostonian hit the nail on the head here.

Same as every other culture- a better life for oneself and one's future generation. Now, don't ask me what " better life" means bcos it depends. Also, some of it is not purely personal goal driven but part of the cultural ethos. Hard work, respect for elders, in some cases downright obedience, are ingrained in some eastern cultures just like the American dream is here.

I think that it may also be worth highlighting that Jon is correct insofar as fully Americanized families go, though-- interdependence DOES need to be an explicit thing there, because our culture is profoundly supportive of independence-- maybe even absolute independence-- being the normative goal.

Which, when paired with Tiger Parenting's approach, leads to hyper-competitive behavior sieved through a viewpoint of all of life as a zero-sum game. This is downright toxic for all but a few people with the good fortune to have both extraordinary ability, but also the right temperment to withstand-- actually, to thrive under-- that kind of aggressive pressure.

The children who tend toward introspection, thoughtfulness, and cooperative behavior tend to be thrown under the bus along the way-- or ground into dust by a system that sees them as more or less useless because they won't shout down the aggressive extraverts next to them, but are seeking to get the heck away from them instead...

OK, I will concede that one - you got me LOL

It is most definitely a competition.

A competition for a place in supposedly academic institutions that actually work to not accept the most academically proficient applicants in the name of an unlikely and highly toxic mix of political correctness (the underqualified from 'chosen' population groups) and Establishment self-preservation (the underqualified children of the true rich, aka legacy programs).

No, they do let in a lot of academically proficient applications.