Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Boston terror and my second grader.

Middle school and older seems reasonable for schools to discuss current events of that nature. I was in high school when Columbine happened, and I can still remember the words spoken in fear by a few of my teachers who told us that it might happen to us and ventured guesses as to who might be capable of that in our community. If I had been a bit younger (definitely 9 or under), I don't think I would have understood what was real and what was spoken out of fear. 9/11 was very uptsetting to my young cousins, and their elementary school showed fairly graphic news coverage of it.

Dicussing it at an age-appropriate level is one thing, but showing pictures/news coverage that may be distressing to kids is another issue. I've seen my fair sure of ugliness in war, and I wouldn't wish anyone to see what it looks like, even through the news.

I like the way our school handles these things.

When something happens during the day (Sandy Hook & Boston), there is no mention of it, an email goes out to the parents explaining how the teachers will answer questions the following day. The approach is generally to answer questions briefly and honestly, and to assure the kids that they are safe.

Sadly, our school staff have had to deal with a number of events in the last few years. Events that happen in the evening or that must be told to the students about members of the school community, teachers meet at the school at 7 am with a crisis team to discuss their approach to talking to the students. It's always been done matter of factly, honestly, and briefly, with a focus on not letting misinformation spread. In one recent event, the kindergarten students were not told, and the parents were asked to handle it as they saw fit. This was clearly communicated to all parents, and the communication invited parents to discuss sensitivities with teachers before the start of school.

I spoke about it with my DS6.
I don't believe in censorship too much, I will discuss just about anything with him and perhaps have? Though I think that each child is different and unique and information must be presented in a way that each individual child can understand and process, and without causing any type of harm to the child- emotional, social, or anxiety, bad dreams etc...

I am also a strong believer that a child only needs to know or be told, what they want to know- they will ask Qs and when they are told enough, they stop. I certainly don't go into deeper details (unless he asked).

He tends to repeat back to me in his own words what I have stated. I encourage this.

re: Boston? he slipped in when news was on and asked about it, and I told him.

*DS6 has always had a very profound interest and propensity for asking about why people destroy the planet and nature etc, as well as discussing the heavens.

more to topic- NO I would not want a school teacher etc to be discussing with my child any type of tragic events- because in that situation I cannot control WHAT is being said- etc, and the teacher cannot know what/how each individual child thinks/reacts to such said news. I would want forewarning, and to be allowed to be present-----

Perhaps if the teacher is hearing a lot of talk already in the classroom- and feels it is not accurate etc? a possible solution- teacher should send a note home to parents to let them know students are talking about it, and she would like to briefly touch upon the topic etc, and the parents can opt their kid in or not- parents invited to attend etc, kids not allowed go to library? That sorta thing might be acceptable. *if tragic event happens in actual city we live in, I'd think the school would/should address it in the form of a full on assembly with parents invited to attend. I think most schools do that?

sounds like re-reading posts that a lot of schools do handle this type of thing very well!!

I wanted to add that DS6 is very visual, pictures are sometimes helpful when discussing certain events, but the Boston pix that clearly depicted death, and severe leg trauma, DS6 is aware people lost their limbs, but those visuals were too strong, and some I felt in my opinion, were clearly disrespectful.

What a wonderful response. Wow, are the teachers in your school fortunate to have such a thoughtful and organized administrative team!

We have a great administrative team that has unfortunately had to put their plans into place a number of times. Fundamentally, when there's a news van in front of the school (which has now happened three times in the last four years) you have to answer the kids' questions. Having a plan in place and communicating to the parents what the plan is simply makes sense.

I'm revisiting this thread because of the recent tornado devastation in Moore, OK. I've found an article that addresses how to approach these issues with a child who understands at a higher level.

Our school handles situations such as these just like geofizz described. I am very happy with that approach because I can then determine the extent of the information I want to share with my daughter (8). I did tell my daughter about Sandy Hook because her classroom has no cupboards in it and I wanted to inform her so that we could come up with a "plan" in case anything like that happened at her school. I didn't go into the gory details with her, just gave her the most basic gist of what happened and I let her know that in that situation, she should just fend for herself (in other words, if the teacher says to stay in your seat and be quiet, she should follow her own gut instinct and hide if she feels that is a safer option). She had a great idea of hiding herself in the coat rack behind the coats and backpacks, so I feel the conversation had a positive outcome because it empowered her with a plan in the event that something like that should happen.

Regarding Boston, I chose not to tell her about the terrorists bombings because I don't want her to feel like the entire world is unsafe. That being said, if she ever were to ask me about it, I would not lie but I would tell her the bare minimum to answer her questions.

I don't watch a lot of news in front of her generally because the news is quite depressing and shocking on a daily basis, and I especially don't watch news when things like this happen.

Regarding the tornado, I told her about it again, because we do not have a family plan and together, she and my husband and I decided what would be best to do in the event of a tornado warning, so once again, I feel like this empowered her to take her safety into her own hands.

My friends think I did a horrible disservice to her by telling her about Sandy Hook but honestly, her level of compassion and understanding is much too high and I would rather she heard it from me then be frightened by her other classmates who might know about it.

Good article, Ametrine, thanks for posting!

You're welcome. I know it's common sense, but still thought it would help.

DS just told me a fellow student's dad died. (Unrelated to the tornado.) He said,

"Mom, people are like flowers."
"How so?" said I.
"Because they are born, become apples, bananas and oranges, then die like adults."
"What makes you say that?" said I.
"Because _____(child's name) dad died.

I was unprepared for this conversation. I was making dinner and he was making a robot. I questioned him on whether he was confused and it was his schoolmate's grandfather who died, but he was positive it was her dad. He told me she wants to "talk-talk-talk" about it.
I've told him whenever she brings it up to tell her he's sorry and to give her a hug.

I've recently interacted with _____'s mom and had no idea her husband just died.