Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional UPDATE - IEP help - academics, PDD-NOS, allergies

One thing I'm not sure how to handle ... Nick's current pre-school teacher will be in the meeting so I am not sure how to address the issues we've had while he's been in the class without causing trouble for her (she is nice and trying hard) plus he still ha 2 months of school left in that class. Or maybe I should just completely avoid mentioning the incidents (unless they come up) and concentrate on next year? I just feel that if I did mention them, this whole thing would be taken more seriously.

I did previously mention to the special ed director that we are considering homeschooling because of all these issues and she really wants DS in school (citing the usual socializing concerns) so it's only up to them to man up and provide a TRUE safe environment!

No, I would use those examples. Be professional about it, of course, and sympathetic--

Wow, I just KNOW that none of these things would have happened if {Teacher} had been working from a document with clear expectations and protocol...

See? You're doing them a FAVOR by insisting (patiently) that it all be in writing in one document...

Keep it! As a child on the autism spectrum grows, issues often become apparent that weren't apparent before. There is a big leap into K and again into 1st about expected classroom behavior and skill in following instructions and getting along with others; there are likely to be bumps or places where you find a skill is missing. The IEP lets you address those as they arise.


Totally. The teacher needs training and access to the Epi-Pen, as do any others who look after him throughout the day. In our school most teachers are trained.


There will be other kids in K who are also reading; the math is more unusual. I'd say your chances of getting anyone to notice before or during K are slim; as long as he's happy, work on the social skills and know that there will be time to make adjustments.


Here it would actually be a violation of procedure for the school to suggest holding a kid back. They are required to accept all kids who are of the right age.


Definitely work out the allergy stuff in advance. It may also be worth envisioning what you want in terms of social and behavioral and communication goals.

DeeDee

DeeDee, you must be a psychic or someone who can see into the future? lol There was an incident at the school today and I only found out about it from the school bus company and not even the school! About 20 minutes before the bus was supposed to come to bring DS home I got a phone call from the bus company letting me know that the teacher/s had to carry DS onto the bus kicking and screaming and the driver wanted to give me heads up about it so I wouldn't be surprised when he came home all agitated and that the school would probably call me with the details of what happened. When the bus came, he was calmer but still upset and his face all covered in hives from the anxiety. When I asked what happened, he said his new job was the "door holder" (the kids all get a new job for the week every Monday and his job was the door opener / holder) and when they were leaving the school the teacher opened the door instead of letting HIM do the job. ... seemingly unimportant thing except when you have a kid on the spectrum who is a stickler to the rules, especially when it is a school rule. So, he had a meltdown because he didn't get to do his job and they carried him up, put him on the bus and that was it. 5 hours later and I have yet to hear from the teacher / school. I have done my share of carrying him into his room to calm down but I do make sure I explain to him WHY it is being done and usually I can reason with him over things so I can avoid these situations. He does calm down when he understands what is going on.

I know I am probably overreacting but I don't think this is the way school should had handled it. Had the bus company not called me to let me know about what happened, I'd been pumping him full of allergy meds thinking he had an allergic reaction to something seeing the hives on his face! Plus if this is the way they handle issues like these, there is NO way I would let my younger one who also qualifies for the program in. He can't really verbalize what's happening during the day and the slightest things upset him. No way would I let anyone handle him in this way!

Since I have no experience with this, am I correct to be concerned? Or is this how your kids' schools would handle it too?

Now, back to the IEP topic ... this is something I need to address in the IEP to make sure things are handled well. Those of you with kids on the spectrum or with similar issues when the kids are very particular about certain things, very literal, etc. ... what do you have in your kids' IEPs as to how to deal with these situations? We never had to address this when we put together the current IEP but back when we did (in the Fall) I was worried that these problems would come up and was told we would address them if the need would arise.

Only insofar as my DS with AS is 10...


I'd want a phone call about that, from the teacher, right after it happened. Is this the special needs preschool (or is that the other kid)? Is it typical for him that being angry makes him break out?

This kind of rule-based meltdown is totally characteristic of preschool/early elementary kids on the spectrum. How often does this happen with your DS? If more often than rarely, handling it has to be written into the IEP, for his safety and to help the teachers do the right thing.


Part of his social skills training will have to be learning that jobs like that are guidelines, not rules; that if you're wronged, you can speak nicely to the person who you feel wronged you (sometimes), but you can't flip out at them; often you have to swallow hard and go with the flow; things like that.


You will not be able to mandate that the school handle things as you would at home; the relationship is different. However, you can create, either within the IEP or as a behavior plan, a list of strategies that help your DS.


I don't think you can generalize that this is always the way they handle things. (It sounds less like a policy and more like "oh no, the bus is here" and a snap decision on someone's part.)

But you should give the teacher a call, and discuss what she saw, and what she did. Then you can make a plan with her for what happens the next time his social rigidity gets in his way to the point of meltdown: best strategy for calming him down fast, what to do if he doesn't calm down fast, etc.


First of all: we had a home ABA program in which flexibility was the #1 goal. That enabled all other progress.

The Present Levels in the IEP should describe his current skills. That is, how often he is inflexible, what it looks like, what he is thinking. It should include calming and redirection strategies that work for your DS, and goals for teaching him to be flexible in the classroom (written so that data can be taken on them). This usually requires 1:1 teaching that is then generalized to other settings.

HTH,
DeeDee

DeeDee,

Yes, this is the son that is in special ed public preschool. I waited till later in the evening and then emailed the teacher. I can't believe she did not call. If the bus driver / company found it bad enough to give me heads up, so should had the school. I stayed calm in my email but did let her know I did not agree with the way things were handled and offered to come get him should sometime like this happen again (I offered to come get him should there be issues right from the start back in the fall but they only called me twice due to allergy related issues). This was the biggest tantrum he has had at school since starting in November. He has been doing a great job handling himself well most of the time. Most issues arise when they have substitute teachers / drivers and the routine / rules isn't what he's used to. When we had his IEP back in the fall I asked if we could put in more details as to how these situations would be handled (I expected them to happen a lot more frequently) but I was told these would be handled once issues would actually arise.

As for the hives, I have seen him a few times break out in hives when under major stress (major to him). He spent all afternoon telling me how sad he was and how he felt this wasn't fair. I did my best talking him through it but it should had been handled at school. So yes, I feel like we have to have some sort of behavior management plan to handle these situations. Most of the time he's the model student unless someone disturbs his perfect little world. Days like today remind me that we DO have a child on the spectrum.

We have had a minimum tantrums in the last year or so (compared to daily occurrence the years before) but the last two or three weeks he has been somewhat on the edge and I just can't figure out what is causing it. No changes at home ... routines, food, arrangements or anything else and I am not aware of any changes at school either but somewhere there's a hidden trigger that I need to figure out.

But I guess today happened right in time as we are getting the new IEP together!

Might not be any of these things, but given you are thinking about environmental changes:

Changed cleaning chemicals (home or school)? Washing powder? Shampoo? body lotion? You wearing new perfume? Candles burning at home? New clothes that haven't been washed in your own powder? A pre-made food that was safe has changed it's ingredients and isn't safe anymore? Weather?

I don't have a fantastic sense of smell (my DH does) but I still get headaches, behaviour changes, etc from chemicals/smells - only I don't know why, where as my husband gets less sick but whinges bitterly about the smell and why isn't it bothering me, and then I go "Oh it IS bothering me, that's why I have a raging headache all of a sudden!". Last week when I picked my DD up from daycare I could smell their washing powder intensely everywhere inside AND outside in the yard. My eyes were burning and I had a headache by the time I left (5 mins exposure). It's on my list of possible triggers for issues DD was then having the next day... The thing that boggles my mind is that in my house I have the crappiest sense of smell, but when I asked the cook if they were doing washing she gave me a very puzzled "How the heck do you know that???" look as she said yes, apparently the incredible stench of washing powder was not bothering anyone else.

Best friend's DD (with food and chemical sensitivities) had a complete breast refusal for days as an infant before my friend realised she'd started using a new body lotion. And same child had a night of prolonged screaming until mum took her clothes off and realised as she did it that the clothes were hand-me-downs washed in someone else's powder....

Well, the teacher emailed me back and there WAS more to the story. From what she said, he had been upset and in a bad mood all morning, even complaining to the teacher and the teacher's aid that he doesn't need to come to school because he already knows all the stuff. He has NEVER done this before! We did see him dumb himself down for a bit but lately he has been rushing forward learning on his own and might be really getting bored at school?

She also said she talked to him when she put him upset on the bus but that still doesn't excuse why I never got the phone call about this and since the bus driver found it important enough to have the dispatcher call me, it probably wasn't a nice situation.

I just can't wait for the school year to be over ... 7 more weeks to go ...

I might have found the "trigger" ... I just posted about it at the same time you were writing a reply. The teacher emailed me that he started complaining about not learning anything at school and that he doesn't need to be there because he already knows everything they learn. That would definitely explain the mood he has had the last two weeks. I guess we are now entering the usual gifted mood swings on top of the ASD moods. Oh, the joys!

I would actually not tell your DS this offer is on the table, nor would I agree to let school send him home whenever he's upset. Rather, I would want to empower the teachers to know how to help DS learn to calm himself down and correct his own thinking mistakes. You don't want him to learn that if he is upset at school, he gets attention from mom and escape from the situation. You want him to learn to react reasonably and problem-solve in the situation.


There will be more and more of that kind of change in routine over time; he will have to get used to it. I would recommend doing things differently on purpose at home; not all the time, but sometimes, so that he knows that he is still okay if you drive the other route to the store, you shop the store backward instead of forward, you try a new brand of bread or a new recipe, etc. It is not easy to train a child on spectrum to be flexible, but it is probably the biggest investment you can make in their future. People who can sustain relationships and hold jobs mostly do it by flexing some; that is a skill to be cultivated.


It is okay to set a timer and say "I'll listen to complaints for three minutes (or whatever), and then complaining time will be over and we'll move on to something fun."

DeeDee