Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Benign chicanery

Another perspective: we left a music class for 4-5 year olds that DS had loved because two musically gifted kids entered his class as 2.5 year olds. When their parents could get them to fully participate, yeah, I could see why they wanted to be there instead of the 2-3 class. However, these kids were 2, and very much 2 in following directions, gross motor skills, and paying attention skills.

For a lot of these classes, there's more to the class than the advertised content. These secondary skills don't always develop alongside the development of the talents. Often these have consequences for the other kids in the class. I was really sympathetic to their situation, but they were not only disruptive to the class, but my son didn't get the same peer-to-peer interaction that we were seeking in through the class experience.

Instead, we've aimed for classes where my kids are at the lower end of the age range or are targetted for a very broad range of kids or are leveled (like swim lessons). This stuff gets easier as the kids get a bit older.

Geofizz - this is part of why I found a ballet class that does officially allow 2yr olds. Yes my 2yr old behaves a lot more like the 4yr olds in the class than the other 2yr olds. But she's still 2 and still has her 2yr old moments. Well actually now she's three... Its very interesting watching the class, she's the only one in the whole class that has picked up that a curtsey involves one leg crossed behind the other, rather than pointing out one foot then the other. She can't actually do it of course, but she does cross her legs and attempt to squat quite hilariously, while the other children do something completely different (more like each other and less like the teacher), and there are 5yr olds in her class. BUT she's also the one least likely to pay attention in the class, most likely to attempt to hang upside from the rail, etc... Although my recent lectures on watching teacher the whole time and doing everything teacher asks have been paying dividends... Being in a 2-5yr old class is really the best call for her at 2-3. When she's 3.5-4 we'll move her to a more serious school that starts at 3.5. If she still wants to go.

When it comes to extracurriculars, our experience has generally been that the instructors are very flexible about placement. A big part of this is DD is extremely attentive and on-task at all times. This makes a big impression on the instructors.

DD had a particular dance teacher at ages 4-5. This teacher approached us with the idea of bumping her up to the 6-8 group on her own.

DD started guitar lessons at 6. The teacher had never had a student that young, but he decided to give it a try.

DD at 7 did a trial at both drama classes for different age groups, 5-7 and 8-up. Afterwards, she asked DW to sign her up for the older group. The request was made to the teacher, who responded, "Sure! She certainly seems mature enough."

Now if only her actual schools would see what everyone else sees...

I'm really sympathetic to both POVs here. I considered putting DS (just turned 5) in a chess club that was 6 and up recently. He certainly can play like a 6yo (and there IS no chess club for his age). However, he still often reacts like a just turned 5yo when he loses. And my older DD has frequently been very frustrated by the "leveling down" that occurs when younger sibs take part or hang out in relaxed classes she has participated in. It's a hard call.

I was that librarian today and it was hard. I have two gifted children and if someone tells me their child is gifted, I believe them.
However, today after I had started my 30 minute story time for 3.5-5 year olds a mother walked her 2 year old in, plunked her down and left.
It left me with a room of 3.5-5 year olds who knew the rules and what to expect plus a 2 year old who didn't know the rules, missed her mother, and was distracting to the other children. No doubt this child has a laundry list of wonderful qualities but I had to stop the story time for her and make the other children wait while I found her mother because she just wasn't capable of sitting and listening.

I think it is fair to ask if your child can try something that they are not in the age range for but it is not fair to lie or cheat your way in. It is also unfair to ask an activity leader to break the rules because the rules are there for a reason. A rule broken for one becomes a useless rule, others will cite the time that they let XYZ child in and why did they get better treatment? It's a slippery slope.

I've been on both sides. I have had the child who needed more, I just found that the best way to get that more was to either ask or find it somewhere else if I was told no. Raising a gifted child is not easy and finding the right resources can be difficult. We did story time occasionally and dd always enjoyed it but it wasn't until dd got into Montessori that her input needs were met on a regular basis. We muddled through a lot until she went to school.

I guess my point is...we can't expect others to bend to meet our childrens needs. If they will, great. If they can't, seek other experiences.

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to share their experiences. It's giving me good perspective on both sides of the coin.

Right now, we're only enrolled in one activity-- a playful group music class-- and he's at the low end of the recommended age range and the youngest in the class. The fit is ideal socially and intellectually because he's naturally outgoing, is cooperative, and stays on task well. The other children are only 6-12 months his senior, which I think is a wide enough gap for the time being.

We're 4 months into the activity and the children are now relaxed enough to let their personalities shine. I see DS trying to gently coach other children when they don't understand the activity and reaching out to others for collaboration. It's a good fit at this age because he's able to be a quiet leader in the group.

He'll be one month shy of the age cutoff for the next age range in the fall, and I plan to keep him with the same cohort because the group's chemistry is good.

ETA: I will not be asking permission, as I've seen people with the same proximity to age cut-offs turned down.

No, you're a far, far cry from "that" librarian, daytripper. Your post belies a sensitivity and sense of nuance that was missing in our librarian. We received an openly scornful scowl, which was delivered with a note of schadenfreude as she shut down someone she believed to be a stereotypical pushy parent.

Thankfully, the library time incident is no big deal. We just won't do that activity. That librarian is only one member of an otherwise stellar group of children's librarians.

No. If you were "that librarian" at our library, you'd be talking to everyone, regardless of age, as if they were 4 years old. ;-)


You probably wouldn't have had any issue with it being a 2yo if the parent stayed and supported their child as necessary. In other words, it's not the inappropriate placement, it's lazy parenting that's the real issue.

DW and I see this sort of thing all the time, and it makes our blood boil. Like at the soccer field... kids not dressed appropriately for the weather, not wearing shin guards, not wearing cleats, don't have any water... UUUUGGGH!

Bingo!!!

And...if there's poor fit, you must quit.

with ongoing extracurriculars, we've found that when the age-grouping isn't working, it gets so obvious that someone (instructor/librarian/kid/us) speaks up.

it's happened over and over, but my best example involves dance. this fall, our girl (then 4) told us she wanted to quit dance, which was odd, considering she'd been begging to be allowed to take an extra ballet class all the prior year. i brought this up with the teacher, who said she'd like to move DD into a class with 7-8 year olds. i was a bit freaked out, and frankly so was the kid, but she went and tried the class - and it's been just right, even if she looks like a total munchkin beside those girls!