Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion In MAJOR need of advice!

My DS7 has an August birthday and in Missouri that means he was not allowed to start Kindergarten until after he was 6. We had no real problems in Kindergarten but at the end of Kindergarten he was tested for admittance to the gifted program which is a one full day a week program at a different school (he goes to public school the other 4 days). His WISC IV test results took us off guard as he scored a general IQ of 153. We knew that he was smart but sadly from that day I feel he became a number in my mind. I desperately wanted the number to be incorrect and I wanted him to be normal. Please, no judging, I am not proud of this; it's just how I truly feel.
We are now coming to the end of first grade and DS complains that he is not challenged enough. He does not however act out or complain in anyway at school. He is a real people pleaser, especially towards adults and goes right along with the flow. During Christmas break he asked if he could move up a grade and we told him we would look into it. He took some academic tests and did the IOWA acceleration exam and came back as an excellent candidate for acceleration. He has lots of friends in that grade already as he is essentially their age anyway. I think he would do better socially with those kids however now we get to the big problem. For some reason the grade above him is HUGE. Right now there is an average of 21 kids in the class he is in and an average of 27 in the class up. I do not know why they can't just make a 5th class for them. Also, I have got to get acquainted with the kids and parents in the grade up and they are not as good as the ones he is with. The children are very bratty and self centered and I can see why from looking at a lot of their parents. There are some really good kids and parents in there too.
I am the only person who really wants to keep my son where he is at and I know I will disappoint him if I don't let him advance but I'd love some real advice. He would either be skipping 2nd grade and starting 3rd grade as a just turned 8 year old or he would just go to 2nd grade. Would this be a disservice to a child with such a high IQ score or do you feel he could meet his full potential in the grade he is currently in? Our goal is not to make the smartest, most talented child we can, we just want him to be truly happy and well rounded. I am a stay at home mom so I feel he gets tons of attention from both his parents which to me is the most important thing.
Thanks for your time.

I thnk you may be doing a disservice to your DS if you do not skip him to the next grade for next year. His age would place him in the next grade up in most school districts and he specifically asked you to do this for him. I wouldn't worry about the bratty kids/parents since you and your son only needs a few compatible peers and you mentioned that there are some really good kids and parents too.

I would definitely pursue a grade skip. I understand your thoughts about the kids and parents in the next grade up, but you aren't doing this for them, you are doing it for you son. If things have gotten to the point of your child asking for a grade skip, then things are probably getting really frustrating for him and he is getting to the point of shutting down,when it comes to schooling. When our DD10 was 8 she too requested a grade skip and was devastated when the school said no. She then became adamant that she was not going back to school if she couldn't get a grade skip. She even started "dumbing" herself down at school because she was tired of listening to the other kids say "huh, what are you talking about?"

I heard somewhere that if you do not get a gifted kid in the correct educational situation by 3rd grade, which is age 8 for most places, you will lose them. This was definitely starting to happen with ours. I would think about this from the angle of what will your son gain from this skip rather than what are the other people like in the new grade.

However, beware, one grade skip may not be enough. Yes, the material will be more challenging than where he would have been, but it is often the pace of the instruction rather than the actual material that is the real problem. Our DD ended up with a 3 year skip and soon found out that even as an 8 almost 9 year old 6th grader, the classes still were not enough for her. It was a real eye opener for both everyone involved in the skip.

Good luck

MamaLisa,

Your DS wants a grade skip. His age is appropriate and his WISC score supports it. He does not have emotional problems or immaturity issue.

I am sure you have been looking for answers for a while but you already had that answer.

Go for it. He may even needs more grade skips along the way. If you don't do it now, your DS may expereince behavioral problems (dumbing down, acting out, etc..) later on.

Hi MamaLisa,

Warning, this is a very pro-acceleration forum! People find this board because they are having troubles that most people do not experience. That said, you will find a lot of people who have gone through exactly what you are going through. We also have a kiddo who was an excellent candidate for a grade skip on the IAS, and we effectively skipped him twice. First he skipped first grade, then we transferred him to an accelerated program mid-year 2nd grade, going from a class size of 22 to a class size of 29, IIRC. The bigger class size made no difference whatsoever, as DS was finally in a more appropriate educational setting and the teacher was awesome.

Especially considering that your kiddo asked for the skip, has friends in the receiving grade, would be close to age to most of the kids in the grade up, on top of all the evidence of what a great candidate for skipping he is, I am sure you will have difficulties convincing anyone that holding him back is a better idea. But I am only commenting based on the info you gave us. There are plenty of reasons people choose to not skip their kids (sports, very small size, immaturity, to name a few), but I have not seen any evidence of this in your post.

Good luck!

(aw, that's my number! what a cool kid! lol ;p ) ....honestly, skip him.

Mostly because he wants to. That's the key.

Fyi, my DS is 8 and in grade 3, and he wasn't skipped (he's in French Immersion instead) - so from my perspective starting 2nd grade as an 8 year old with an IQ of 153 seems really mis-matched. Our schools (BC, Canada) use a calendar year, so that means my Nov/bd DD started kindergarten when she was still four. Assuming the curriculum is similar, I'd say your poor DS has a really unlucky (school wise) birth date.

Given the fact that I had an anxiety-stricken four year old starting French Immersion KG and then an ADHD/language processing disorder/strabismus/partial CAPD five year old starting FI for KG as well, skipping wasn't really something I'd considered. In your shoes, though, I think I'd have skipped him already.

You do have some excellent points, though, about the parents and the other kids. It's rarely an easy decision.

Having never been skipped myself, I can tell you that it gets very isolating as you get older. It's really not fun being chronically bored, and wondering why all the other kids are "so stupid." You lose interest in connecting with people pretty quickly. I didn't enjoy school very much.

Anyway, that's just my experience. It might be different for your son. Good luck - I hope you find a solution that works

Don't take this the wrong way--but the claim that everyone in the grade up is bratty and self-centered seems a little off. I'm sure that at least a few of these kids have younger siblings in the grade below, so all the parents can't be that bad. An entire grade level of bratty kids seems like a gross over-statement.

I often find, when I feel like I don't want to go out of my way to make friends, that I too will make broad sweeping statements about a group along the same lines...ie, all the moms in the neighborhood are too high-maintenance, clickish, etc. But when I finally decide to step out of my comfort zone and get to know people, there is always a lot more good in them. Perhaps the fact you think the entire grade is self-centered, really means that you are just afraid of the skip and that is your fear manifested.

Look for the good in these kids and their parents, and you will find it, and your child will be happier. Good luck!

I have certainly found that within one school different year cohorts can have quite different vibes, even where many parents have kids two years apart (say in yr 2 and yr4 those two grades can still have an overall different "feel"). But even acknowledging that I think the PP is spot on, the other yr level may have a different vibe but there is likely a certain amount of your own fear speaking there.

He's asking for the skip, that was probably the primary driver of our DDs skip and we've not looked back.

ITA. Your ds asked for the skip, it appears the school is willing to accommodate the skip - I'd go for it. The parents, even if they are beyond horrid, aren't your ds' problem, and really - he's the one who's having to sit through 6 hours of school every day. Having to put up with obnoxious parents for a few minutes at drop-off / pick-up or an assorted meeting here or there throughout the year seems like a fair trade-off.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I didn't say ALL. Actually, I specifically said "There are good parents and kids too". I do get what you mean about fear talking though.