Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How much?

Through a strange series of events that were not planned for and never even considered...dd auditioned on the fly for a voice teacher and was accepted. This voice teacher is well known and doesn't take everyone who applies for her services. It will be an excellent experience for dd and she will learn more about music than I could even imagine. She will have contacts that will help her her whole life because of this. It is an incredible opportunity.
DH did the math last night and noticed that the monthly cost of these lessons coupled with her piano/composition lessons is roughly that of a luxury car payment. On one hand we're saying "Of course we should give dd this opportunity! Think of all of the good it will do!" On the other hand we're saying, "ZOMG! That would be a nice payment into our 401k each month!"

Roughly how much do you spend on lessons/extra curriculars per child per month? Do you sacrifice in other areas to provide enrichment? We're wrestling with about $400 a month in music lessons.

That's tough. I probably wouldn't spend that much money on something like that because I just couldn't justify it in my mind. I WOULD spend it in a heartbeat if money wasn't a concern but if we did have to sacrifice one thing for another, we'd decide on something where the cost would be reasonable but not a killer.

I'm very careful about spending money on education and extras overall as from my personal experience, it might be fun thing to do but you may end up never using it and if the child having fun means parents / family sacrificing too much overall, It's something to consider. I had a ton of extracurriculars growing up but they were fairly cheap (growing up in central Europe). It was either me doing all the activities or my dad drinking through that money in beer! lol ... easy choice there. But living here in the US, when it came to raising my stepson and paying for his hockey lessons for 2 seasons, we ended it after 2 years simply because he was just having fun but that was it. We could find a lot of other things that were fun for ALL of us and still save money. BUT he certainly had no future in hockey so it wasn't such a tough decision. I was also lucky to get out of undergrad school with zero debt (thanks to challenging to get into but no tuition college education back in Europe) and then applied to schools in the US to get my masters and from the schools where I got accepted, I went to the one that offered me the best deal ... I got my degree at a middle of nowhere university in Nebraska BUT I absolutely loved it AND I got out with ZERO debt (I was a grad assistant and had my tuition paid and the monthly stipend was just enough to cover the room and board so all my parents paid for was a plane ticket to and from Europe to come and see them).

The reason why I'm saying this is ... I would be really beating myself over the cost of school (and all the extras had they been more expensive) as now, 12 years later I am not using any of it. You just never know what your daughter might end up doing so I would choose wisely if it's just something fun or if it truly has a future so some day you don't turn around and say "we spent all this $$$ on you and you did not take advantage of any of this. We could had used it on US had we known that"

So, when we choose what activities we spend money on for the boys, we do it so we don't regret it someday. I know we shouldn't really regret ANY money spent on our kids, but I'm sure you know what I mean

Obviously it depends on your income, your financial goals, any debts you have--first. Second, I'd consider how important it is. Is she professionally going to be involved in music someday or is the potential there? Then there might be more cause to spend more than normal. But never put yourself in debt for this stuff - and that includes 401k deficit. These are extras and retirement, housing, food, bills, existing debt all need to come first. Even put saving for her college tuition on that list if you plan to help. If there is money left over and you are fine giving up the fancy vacations or fancy car for it, then go for it! Just my two cents.

I would offer a slightly different perspective, which is to consider the enrichment that she will carry with her for the rest of her life. It's not just about fun in the now or future "advantage." Same with a college education, you come out of it a different person, whether or not you "use" it in a practical sense.

It sounds to me like this opportunity is very high value in terms of enrichment. Of course, that has to be balanced against your particular family's financial circumstances. Considering your retirement and not being a burden on your children is also important!

If the $ you are considering spending is extra above and beyond needs for regular expenses *and* savings... I would probably give it a try. If it's stretching in some way, I'd ask myself these questions:


It sounds like this wasn't something you'd planned on doing (the audition) - and it's GREAT that your dd auditioned and was accepted - but I'd question how something that wasn't in the plan suddenly moved up to the status of being something worth sacrificing something else for.

Second thing, I think your dd is still relatively young (maybe 7/8?) - I can say without a doubt, no questions about it - the extracurriculars I thought might matter to my kids later on in life changed quite a bit just between 7 and 10 - so I wouldn't want to be putting significant $ into this unless I could look at it as $ spent for now and with no expectation of future benefits from it. Maybe it *will* be something that she carries a benefit from in terms of connections etc for years to come - but don't pay for it if you're going to be surprised if in 2-3 years she decides she wants to quit.

That said, it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. We do pay for enrichment activities for our kids, probably more than I had expected we'd ever pay before I actually had kids I think the activities add quite a bit to their lives even if they ultimately choose not to continue them. I do think that it's important to have balance and perspective though - rather than being caught up in getting so excited over the prospect of developing talent that you lose perspective over a decision like this. I see a bit of a phenomenon in the early elementary years in extracurricular activities that's very similar to the thing that I saw at school in K/1 - as their kids started school, it seemed that 9 out of every 10 parents I knew thought their child was intellectually gifted and needed extra enrichment at school. When the gifted programs started in 3rd, and when kids actually had gifted testing, all that talk and worry over extra enrichment and "my kid needs so much more" sorta evaporated because statistically speaking... there was no way all those kids could have been in the 95+ percentile of ability Same thing seems to happen in the activities my kids have participated in that are group-type lessons (dance, gymnastics) - there are tons of younger kids taking part with their parents gushing over how talented their child is. 2-3 years into the sport, so many kids have dropped out because it was more about their parents hoping for prodigies than about what the kids wanted to do or enjoy. So we've tried to stick to keeping our kids in lessons/etc that were things they had fun with, and not worry to much about return on investment

Good luck making your decision!

polarbear

Thanks for all of the perspectives! Yes, it is something we can afford from our expendable income. No worries there, it is just a large line item each month that gives us pause, an extra $400 in the 401k beyond what we already contribute would be nice but supporting the passions of our little girl is also really nice. DH wouldn't mind a sports car either, where our "sacrifice" comes in is having to drive our perfectly nice, already paid off cars instead of bigger, flashier cars. Or this summer, we're camping in a beautiful part of our state instead of going to Maine like we had thought of at first. These are little sacrifices, not deciding between getting milk or eggs this week.

She may choose to go on and become a singer for a living but I think it will be far more likely that she will go into a profession that has nothing to do with the arts and enjoy her art as a hobby for the rest of her life. Either is fine, we just plan to enjoy witnessing the journey.

It just made me wonder how much others spend on extracurriculars, especially for gifted children. Art, dance, chess, competitions, Lego, computer subscriptions. What is a ballpark amount spent? I know it is kind of a personal question but it is interesting to me.

Heh. I think we're all in denial about how much we're actually spending.

I don't spend nearly enough. I'm pushing for private music lessons. We're already doing swim team/tumbling/drama.

I'm almost certainly a statistical outlier, since I'm debt free and we only spend about $2,000 per month, total, in expenses for two children (10/7). Maybe $2,500.

$400 a month sounds reasonable to me.

I spend around $100 dollars a month for athletics per child on a year round sport. I feel justified in spending it because there is actually 12-15 hours of training per week involved plus random meets. It is expensive but I feel they get a lot of exercise for the money.

We do additional random activities as we can afford them and they have interest. Younger son wants to add an additional year round activity next year (not a sport) and he will probably do it which will increase money spent on him by about $50.00/month.

I also want the younger son to take up an instrument but there just isn't time in his schedule...maybe the next year.

We spend about 200. for a good opportunity, I would spend 400, especially for music which tends to be expensive.