Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Behavior problems

My DD is 6 and finishing kindergarten this spring. Both of her preschool teachers identified her as potentially gifted and she presents with many behavior characteristics that would fit. She is an exhausting child to parent, but a very good student and has consistently scored in the 99th percentile in her NWEA tests first and second quarter this year. Unfortunately her school district only uses one score, the NNAT2, and she didn't qualify for GT. Since she will be in a regular class of first graders next year, how would you suggest handling the explosive personality, perfectionism to the point of tears and easy frustration with others that she exhibits? Is this a bright, but not gifted, kid that needs a metaphorical firmer hand or could there be something else going on?

I've been looking forward to having some guidance from a GT program and teacher, but since that is no longer in the cards, I'm questioning if something else might be at the root of her behavior. Her kindergarten teacher has written it off as her being smart, be emotionally behind.

Welcome. I don't really have any advice, but wanted to say hello. I'm sure someone will chime in soon with some advice.

Can you get him privately tested. It probably won't help from the school but at least you will know what you are dealing with. It is very easy to just believe the school when they say your child will be fine and to just blame yourself for any problems. After all everyone else can make the techniques in the parenting books work. :-)

I agree with this.

My advise would be to take a two-pronged approach. One would be to deal with these behaviors as they are, because whether they're associated with high-IQ or not, they're still problems that need to be dealt with in the same way. They won't go away if your child is placed in the right academic environment... explosive children still explode, though at least in the right environment, they're somewhat less volatile.

The other prong would be to pursue information on whether your child was misidentified. For example, the NNAT2 is a nonverbal assessment... is she not a visual-spatially oriented child? If that's not her area of strength, she might qualify as gifted in a test that measures both verbal and nonverbal aptitudes. I'd see what options the school might offer in that area (maybe they offer the RIAS?), and if they're inflexible, seek outside testing.

Thanks for the responses. I've got Raising Your Spirited Child on hold at the library. We've run through a lot of parenting books, and an adapted discipline method from Beyond Time-Out worked for a while. Now it seems like we need to try something else and I am at a loss. Reading a lot on this site has been helpful, even if my kid is "just smart".

She's a bit of a mixed-bag, really. Since she's my oldest I feel like I'm not really able to put things into context well. She went from a handful of words to full sentences and identifying the alphabet upper and lowercase from 18-20 months. Reading little to nothing before the start of K last August, she was at Lexical 330 in December and is now fully into chapter books. Her long-term memory is great, especially if it was tied to an experience or something she saw. Sock seams must be perfectly lined up, clothing must not have any exposed elastic or rough fabric or there are tears and a wardrobe change. The child has never worn jeans. She has boundless energy, takes lots of physical risks and yet is incredibly awkward when trying to do something graceful like dancing.

Behavior-wise, she is easily frustrated when others don't understand her "vision" and blows her top if she can't do something right the first time. We went through a period when she would pick her skin to the point of always having scabs on her face when she started pre-k at three. She still has some trouble keeping herself controlled when there is a lot of chaos during classroom transitions.

Her school won't provide any additional testing because she is fine academically and isn't enough of a behavior problem. I can just as easily see her fitting onto the spectrum, or having some kind of sensory issue rather than any kind of giftedness. I think we are at the point of just wanting to know how best to approach her problems. What type of testing should I be looking for? Unfortunately, the IQ testing I've found in our area is $500-600 and the full work up is minimum $900. I'm not sure where that money is going to come from.

Gifted girls are notorious for hiding their abilities in school, like my DD did. This can then lead to other behaviors escalating, like perfectionism and meltdowns (again, this is what my DD did as well). Giftedness often looks like spectrum issues, or goes right along with it. Sensory issues and perfectionism are common with gifties, too. So I'd say, the first step in understanding how best to approach her problems is to get her tested properly.

As for the expense, I've seen several posters describe how they found a better deal by contacting the psych department at their local university, because grad students need practice.

awaz - Do you have health insurance? Most provides "behavioral health" alongside... you might be able to get a referral, and insurance coverage for testing with a developmental pediatrician, or a neuropsychologist under the guise of behavior problems and anxiety.

(That's how we got our son's testing covered... was like $40 co-pay and that was it.)

Reading your post sounds so much like my own daughter... my daughter is in kindergarten and I completely identify with the explosive personality/perfectionism/tears/frustration. And It. Is. Exhausting!!!

We did this the other way around... after her preschool teachers talked to us about her being "the most emotional one in the class" we called the pediatrician who recommended a psychologist. We already knew that things weren't right, but it kind of hit that boiling point where I just felt we needed a cool head amongst us to help figure things out. I am sure there are thousands of fantastic child psychologists out there... it didn't go great for us... BUT, I would say this is a great avenue to start with if insurance will cover it. (Any decent insurance should)

I know less than a lot of people around here about giftedness as like you, my daughter is in kindergarten and its our first child. But something I've noticed in my own daughter ... When she gets stressed, the emotional stuff/perfectionism kicks into high gear and the "thinking" part of her brain kind of goes blank. I wonder if this would cause your daughter's scores to under represent what the results of the test were.

So after hours of me on Dr. Google trying to figure out what was up with my kid (Is it ADD? Is it anxiety? Is it some other mental problem?) I opted to have her tested by an outside licensed school psychologist. She noted some of the same things.. but particularly how quickly she shuts down when she doubted herself... the stress emotions/reactions would kick in and she would just get kind of upset and ask when her mom was going to get back.

I think everything everyone has mentioned here would be good... a psychologist referred through your physician might be able to help you from a family perspective deal with having a tornado of a personality within the family AND possibly suggest another course of action. Its probably a good start. Also, if your gut is telling you that the testing she had done at the school isn't giving you the full picture, you could test her with a licensed school psychologist (outside the school) using a different test.

Good luck.... keep us posted and hang in there!

Thanks for all the suggestions. I've spoken again with her teacher about a meeting with the school psychologist and other testing options. I got the feeling that she thinks I'm making mountains out of mole hills. Next step is a call to the pediatrician. To complicate things my husband doesn't want to get her tested because he feels a label will follow her for life. I wish we were on the same page, but as he's only here for 10 minutes a day while she's awake, I'm willing to go around him for testing if need be.

I too have a DD like this - temperamental is a kind way to put it. Have you read Explosive Child? It has good strategies, in addition to Raising Your Spirited Child. Just another kindred spirit on that :-)

As for the test she took, someone else already mentioned the NNAT2 and its limitations. I'll second that -- my DS8 took that in K at 6yo. He scored a 7, which was high enough to make our school's GT cutoff (which, by the way, means nothing - there are no GT services/accommodations). This year, he took the WISC IV through school as a part of broader testing (for sensory issues), and scored well overall, but got his best score on the verbal part of the test - a 150. Without that score he'd barely make the 'gifted' cutoff again. So while he's overall very bright, he's actually gifted in one area - an area which the test he took before didn't capture at all. So your DD may do much better on a different test.