Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy It's too late to do anything isn't it?

Dd is 7, HG, no differentiating, and in 1st grade. Her complaining about going to school is escalating again. It's the same old complaints that she always has (mostly bored with the math). I have been unsuccessful to get the teacher to do any differentiating because the teacher doesn't see the need. The problem I see tainting the teacher's opinion is multi-faceted but I think at this point mostly has to do with dd's lack of effort put into her work. At home she will rush through her homework and do the bare minimum just to get it done and over with. I.e. last night's homework was to find 3-D shapes around the house and determine what shape the face of the object had. She could care less about it and just quickly scribbles down answers so she can be done. I'm guessing this is her approach to school work as well so in the teacher's mind she sees no reason to give dd harder work.

At the moment dd is interested in writing plays in her notebook. She is working on organizing a play with her friends/classmates and is writing out the parts. When it is something that interests her she has no problem putting in the effort. Otherwise, forget it.

School gets out the first week of June and next year she will be going to the G&T class. I have been telling her that school will hopefully be more interesting for her next year.

We were on vacation the past 2 days (skiing which she loves) and all I heard while on vacation was her crying/complaining about how she will have to go back to school. If I had it my way I would just keep her home more often but dh certainly wouldn't agree to it.

My guess is it's too late to talk to the teacher about it but I really would like to let her know how miserable dd is.

I don't think that it is ever too late to talk to the teacher especially since it's not just you wanting her to be challenged. She seems truly unhappy and that is important. Whether the teacher does anything about it, at any time really, is completely up in the air. I do appreciate your concern about the timing because there are many teachers I have talked to that say if it is after the 1/2 way point they will push you off until next year. I still think it's worth trying. Can you explain to your DD what you think the problem is? If she was working with you it might have a bit more impact.

Good luck!

"Gentlemen, we are not retreating, we are merely attacking in another direction." - Major General O.P. Smith, 1950, Chosin Reservoir, Korea.

It might help to think that you're not too late this year, you're getting an early start on next year.

Also, as your DD grows increasingly unhappy with her school experience, it can be incredibly important for her to see that someone actually cares and is trying to make things better.

We just went through this with our DS7. In the Fall, the promise of "next year will be more challenging" backfired as 1st grade proved to be nothing short of torture (according to the emotional roller coaster we experienced the first few months). We did some testing and were able to get him grade skipped into 2nd. He was much happier and challenged. Issues came up again recently, and we responded by working with the teacher and letting her know what was going on at home. In class, our DS7 is usually very quiet and well mannered so the rising frustration is hard to pick up on as a teacher. He saves is all for us at home. (YEAH)

My advice- when communicating with the schools and teachers, be as positive, helpful and thankful of every extra step they take to accommodate educational differentiation. Just like kids, every time they respond positively, give them positive feedback and encouragement. Just like it took many of us time to accept that our kids are "that" different- it takes teachers time as well. We got a positive response by giving specific tips about what was most frustrating. For example- "He loves computer lab and says that he is now getting to work at the 3rd grade level. But the problem is that he has now been taught all the lessons you are currently working on in class- the repetition seems to really frustrate him. Can we find some enrichment options that help him meet the classroom expectation of doing math during teaching time, (not reading at his desk which can set a bad example for the other kids that NEED to pay attention during the lesson.) If you acknowledge the challenges the teacher already faces in their regular job, then they feel much more appreciated when they put in extra work to find ways to challenge the ones that need it.

Beware of promising it will be better next year. You have good reason for believing this to be true but circumstances can change at any time. Is she old/mature enough to write out an action plan and work with you to improve things.

We also have a daughter who rushes her work, doesn't complete work, doesn't "show her best work" (according to her teacher), etc. It's really hard as a parent to encourage effort when the assignments are so far behind her capability. Our daughter is in third grade, and lately we have been trying to work with her on the concept of "if you don't SHOW the teachers that you know something, they don't KNOW that you know it." We have also told her that it makes our job easier as her advocates to get her more challenging work if she's completing assignments and not making careless errors. I've definitely seen some improvement with this approach, combined with healthy doses of empathy and a real effort on our part to improve her school environment, including applying to a specialized program for HG students next year.