Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Dr. Ross Greene - Collaborative Problem Solving

Anyone have good or bad results with this set of techniques? It is from his book The Explosive Child.

Explosive child symptoms are what my 9yo son has. I've tried to apply collaborative problem solving (CPS) with him and the results are good so far, yet not totally satisfying. I have to give up some control that as a parent I feel like I should have.

Anyone have stories / advice? Thanks.

OK... If he fits the book's profile, then your previous approach wasn't working. Given that, what control are you giving up? You can be in "control" and have escalating fights or you can be flexible and have a working family life... I know which we have chosen. We aren't using this system but have taken elements from this approach and the Nurtured Heart approach which a variety of people on this board really like. It has helped with our high anxiety, intense DS6. If you are getting results you like I wouldn't let societal expectations derail that. Hopefully, over time you will see more flexibility in you child and the tedious elements will lessen...

Good Luck,
-c

I have found this approach to be very helpful (way better than Nurtured Heart for us). If you are just starting, you are still very much in the developing skills stage and it will take a while before he is able to generalize them. Be patient and keep working on it.

Would anyone care to summarize this for those of us w/o the book?

I cannot adequately summarize it in a few words, but there is a lot of info here: http://www.livesinthebalance.org/

Thanks for this thread... I just put holds on Ross Greene's books at our library. My kids are a lot less explosive than they used to be, but I still think it'll be interesting reading.

I'll take a stab at summarizing.

Overarching idea: Kids do well if they can. If they melt down, it's not because they are defiant, it's because they can't do whatever it is they are being asked to do.

Explosions stem from predictable problems, that appear under predictable circumstances, that generally stem from lagging skills. For example, my DD9 is very cognitively rigid, and has a great deal of difficulty coping when her day does not go the way she expected it would. To get rid of the explosions, you need to support learning the lagging skills.

The best time to solve problems is not in the middle of an explosion, but well beforehand.

The framework for solving problems before they happen has three steps: 1. Empathy - get the child's take on what his needs are that are not being met in the situation. 2. [Can't remember the assigned name of this one] Get the adult's concerns with the existing pattern of behavior on the table. 3. [Can't remember this name, either] Brainstorm solutions, and test them by seeing if they meet both the child's needs and the adult's needs.

That's a good summary. I like to think of it as "treating your kid like an adult and negotiating with him."

Have you had success with DD9?

This has worked well for us with sibling conflict, but not as much with some of our other concerns, probably because those are a bit outside of the typical behavior concerns the model is designed for. (We have a lot of problems with idiopathic rudeness/anger, which isn't a "She wants X and we want Y" situation.)

Yes. We have found that, for all we went into parenting wanting to be those gentle negotiating parents, our DS did much better with a parent who is transparently in charge. We had to change our style to get him to behave and learn.

There is no one method that will work for every kid, IMO.

DeeDee