Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Parent child personality

Dude, thanks for providing the dad's perspective. Neither DD nor I are actually girly. She does not have any dolls and while she does enjoy cooking (actual and pretend), she is a lego, painting, jumping off the walls, outdoorsy kind of girl. While my DH and DD have shared interests, their intensities are wide apart.

Colomom, I agree that father daughter bond is so crucial. I have a beautiful relationship with my dad and want dd to have the same. If only my dd would slow down a little for her dad or DH would learn to keep up with DD. DH is very orderly and risk averse. So a simple thing like a playground visit would turn disastourous (dh upset, dd crying for mommy) as soon as DD wants to climb and jump from a rock or collect dirt or run around like a crazy person. I actually think it is not a bad idea for dd to have to adjust to my dh but wish my dh would make more of an attempt to respond to dd's enthusiasm.

squishy, my DH is totally into cars too. DD has learnt a lot about cars from him. Problem is he has a lot of collectibles and she would rather take them apart than listen to him explain its inner workings to her theoretically.

I think that it's also her age, in addition to her personality. My older daughter was a Mommy's girl at that age, and my just-turning-3 is starting it now. Over the weekend, when we had yet another round of "I want Mommy to do it..." my DH looked at me and said, "Oh, it's this phase again, is it?" One of the most important things is for your DH to not take it personally, because it's hard to be rejected by your kid and it's easy for feelings to be hurt. My husband kept at it, though, with DD7, and now they have a great relationship, and do things together (like playing chess and building with Kinex) that I have no interest in.

This may be a gender based thing - it will change once she gets a little older.

I didn't really relate to my daughter that well until she was older than 4. She didn't really want to hang with me either because my 'No' has always been absolute whereas my DW has always made 'No' seem like a suggestion.

Now I cannot wait for her to come home from school (I typically work from home) so we can do stuff together. I really think that once the child becomes more resilient, has a longer attention span and can tolerate discomfort better the father typically takes more interest. I have spoken with a few friends about this for comparison and within my circle of friends the rule has applicability.

I agree that a good part of it could be the age. I know when my sons were younger they gravitated to their mother for numerous reasons, however, once they hit their "tweens" and older have gravitated toward me more. Kids, like the rest of us, gravitate toward whoever fulfills their needs at any given time.

A lot, if not most couples, have opposing personalities. That happens because we balance each other, we fill a part of each other's lives we can't provide on our own. I suggest taking a page out of that book. When there are activities or needs that require multitasking, mom is best suited for the job, when there is more of a focused task or activity, dad needs to step in. Play to your strengths and your child is more likely to adopt them both.

When it's time for your child to start car shopping, dad can give her a good education and take her out to do so. When it's time to do homework, sit down, and grind out work, dad can step in. When it's time to drive her out of town to an activity, that's a job for dad. Just look at each activity as, "Who's the best person for this?" The frequency of answering mom or dad is going to change as the years go by likely.

Staceychev, madeinuk and old dad, thanks for your posts. Sorry but I only now saw them. It does make sense that children would be more attached to one parent or the other depending on their age and the needs at that age. Loved to read about the wonderful relationship the dads have formed with their little ones. Poor dads do have to work harder than moms.
Staceychev, you are so right that sometimes DH does feel bad when dd outright rejects him and wants to stick with me. Madeinuk, you sound like a great dad. Your dd is lucky. Old dad, so true about opposites attracting each other bcos my DH and I do complement each other. As dd grows, she will love to have a dad who is solid and dependable. The idea of matching specific child related activities to parent personality is great! Thanks everyone.
Ps. DH is an amateur astronomer and he took dd on a couple of nightly star gazing and she loved it. So did DH.