Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Help with a stubborn baby!

My DS2 has just turned 12 months old, and he is quite clever. His mind is willing, but his body is yet to catch up. He is able to do a lot of things beyond his year, but some are tricky, like trying to put on his big brother's shoes and tie them up. He gets so frustrated and and I'll help him and put them on for him, but he gets angry and takes them off and tries again. Or with dangerous things, such as trying to put the fan's cord into the socket he pushes me a few metres away and goes back to it. He will not give up until he "puts it in" (there's a hole thing in the ground next to it that he thinks is the sockets).

He is usually a very sweet, quiet baby, but when he can't do something he really wants to do, he has an amazing temper! I appreciate the quality of stubborness and determination, but it's getting a bit much. So, do I let him continue trying, despite the crying and temper; or do I distract him with something else? I don't want to put a damper on his natural strengths, but I worry about him as a two year old LOL.

Thanks

Can you distract him with bags of chocolate?

Whenever he throws a temper tantrum, just feed him a bar of chocolate.

That way, he will learn to associate becoming frustrated and angry with being fed chocolate and whenever he wants chocolate, he can just express his temper.

You know, now that I am actually writing this, I can see why it's not actually an ideal solution to this problem.

In fact, it's a pretty bad solution as far as solutions go.

I suppose this was why my wife never permitted me to use the "doughnut solution" to solve problems like this.

You may want to take a look at the parenting boards at mothering.com. There is one that is about parenting gifted children, and it does skew towards the younger ones.

You can certainly try distracting him, but expect mixed results, because one of the hallmarks of a gifted kid is the ability to remain focused.

For the behavior of pushing a parent away when she was trying to do something dangerous and we were trying to intervene, my DD got a warning, and then a timeout, beginning around 6 mos of age. I get funny looks from other parents when I say that, because they just don't get how a kid that young could possibly connect action and consequence. But she could. She could also process an age-appropriate explanation of why what she had been doing was a bad idea, once the tantrum passed.

The end result was that her "terrible twos" weren't terrible at all, and were in fact quite delightful, because rather than spend the first two years of her life teaching her that fussy behavior was an effective tool to get what she wants, only to see rules inexplicably changed, she learned more constructive behaviors instead.

I liked the book, Raising Your Spirited Child when my oldest was around that age. At the time, I wasn't aware that she was gifted, just challenging (or "payback," as my mother put it). I believe that that book has some ideas for dealing with stubborn persistence.

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't use bribes or time outs, I stick with distraction. I guess I am wondering, if being determined and ambitious is part of his personality, then is it bad to distract him? Is it selfish to want to avoid the tantrums?

Thanks, staceychev. I'll check it out.

Thanks, Cricket2

My eldest is gifted, and I remember him being as equally persistant as a baby, but he was so calm and patient. I recognise a lot of these abilities in my baby, so I could say with 99% accuracy that DS2 will be gifted, too. Just two different personalities. DS2 is such an easy going baby the rest of the time, his temper is surprising LOL.

Yup-- there really isn't any way to externally affect change in some people like this, squishys.

DD has been like that from infancy, as well. She has only two speeds when her agenda and yours operate at cross purposes:

a) you can't make me, and

b) hell-bent-for-leather--DUCK AND COVER.

DH and I have used the infamous line from Cool Hand Luke to describe her since she was a toddler--

What we've got. here... is.. FAILURE... to... COMMUNICATE...

Most of the time, she's angelic enough that nobody who hasn't seen that side of her would ever for a single second believe it. She never (not even at 9-22mo, in daycare) showed that side to outsiders, and seldom to anyone but DH and I.

No no. The MOTHER gets the chocolate ;p (You know... coping mechanism.)

Surreptitiously provide means for them to practice bridging skills (barring the dangerous things where a sharp "Stop" may be needed even if it scares the livin' stuffing out of them, oops.)

Trying to tie shoes? Make sure a jump rope appears somewhere they might encounter it and practice on a larger scale (and unobserved for my DS who is hyper aware of having an audience, in both ways.)

Example, this morning before school DS7 discovers a video called "Calculus 1 in twenty minutes" and watched the whole thing. Now I need to find some much lighter weight pre-algebra thing that somehow implies it leads to calculus or work backwards into his own conclusion of something closer to his readiness level; maybe look at the Khan Academy knowledge map, etc.

Because for us directly redirecting = failure