Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Need advice: parent-teacher conference tomorrow

Okay, thank you very much for that. All the other comments are giving me good perspective.

I'm leaning toward letting my husband go alone. The conferences will be kind of meaningless for me in that I know my son's strengths and weaknesses and don't have anything in particular to discuss that I feel can be addressed in a brief meeting.

I know that this teacher and my husband both want to help DS, the problem is that the waves of their concern interfere constructively and the result is that they GET INCREASINGLY WOUND UP!! And suddenly a discussion about long division is a red alert situation. It's a mess and I'm increasingly thinking I'd rather skip it and save my energy for the important meeting on Wednesday. This teacher (definitely) and my husband (possibly to probably) will also be attending).

Added: And leaving the two of them get all wound up about DS's difficulties tomorrow may result in them giving off high-intensity concern at the meeting on Wednesday, thereby increasing DS's shot at getting services.

This could be a viable strategy. And thinking about it is making me feel better.

Hi Val
Whatever you decide to do tomorrow, good luck. As the parent of a 2E who has spent hours and hours on homework, I have no ideas left of my own as how to help (everything makes her upset) and recently allowed her to delay math homework "until the morning when my brain isn't so tired" (true) but something that should take 15-20 minutes takes over 1 hour - IN THE MORNING - this morning I thought I'd have a 1)nervous breakdown 2) heart attack 3) accidently burn the house down while trying to make a nice hot breakfast and dealing with 2E high drama.

Does your DH ever spend homework time with DS? This year, the past few months, my DH has (I'd had it with him not being engaged in her problems - they are real!) and it really turned him around. And he is very mathy and loves his DD very much. He's gotten very perplexed during math homework time, she is so bright and understands such big ideas but the details...and has shaken his head alot and it totally turned him around to the point where he's given me the blank check on trying to find people to help us understand her and get her help. He doesn't say anything anymore about her being lazy or not trying hard enough or being stubborn or dramatic.

Anyway good luck and have a good weekend. IMO, calm family time and down time is really what will get these kids through to where they need to be in a healthy place in the future.

I would make a vivid demonstration of using their criticism as a way of setting the agenda for the next meeting. Take a notepad and pen, and ask questions.

Teacher: and he doesn't do any of the problems right!
You: I see. Which problems? does it happen every day, or only when he's already been writing a lot? (taking copious notes)
DH: if he would only buckle down it would all get done!
You: (still writing everything they say down) do you think he is choosing not to do it, or do you think there is some obstacle in his way ?

If you are having a problem-solving meeting next week, this is all evidence. If you write down their anecdotes and complaints, that's all contributing to the solving of the problem, even if it's couched in panic language.

DeeDee

Update?