Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Kindergarten Crush or Not?

Our son has a girl in his class that he is so fixated upon, and I don't know if it's just a typical crush, or if it's a reflection of gifted intensity.

She is the tallest girl and he's the tallest boy; which he points out often. She's also a fast runner like our son and that is where the competitive obsession started. I say "obsession" because he can't seem to stop talking about her. Whether it's about running, or behaving in class, or if she plays with him that day, or lately, about being invited to her birthday party. He even says he dreams about her!

He cries on the way home if she hasn't paid enough attention to him that day. For instance, if she won't let him race her during recess.

I asked him what he likes about her. He says that she's fast, and she is the best listener to the teacher. That's it. He says he wants to be her. I interpret this as he wants to be like her. So, I went the "Nobody likes a copy-cat, give her some space" route.

He cried harder. He took that to the extreme and said he couldn't ever talk to her again. I reiterated that he just needed to back off a bit.

*sigh*

I had to have him take a time-out in his room today after school, he was so upset.

Help! Is this just puppy-love or do I have bigger problems?

Sounds like puppy love in a gifted child who has found his first connection with another person his age. Very sweet but it sounds like you've got your work cut out for you in guiding him socially through this!

Well, in first grade, I remember *knowing* that I liked a certain girl.

And, yes, I kissed her and she cried and ran away.

I don't know how obsessed I was with her, though.

Last year my DS absolutely adored this girl in his grade 2 class. He talked about her non-stop. He had such strong feelings for her (all innocent, of course). She was his favourite classmate.

I e-mailed the teacher to make sure my DS wasn't bothering her, and was told it was all fine, and that this girl was one of the kindest students their teacher had ever worked with. She was kind, patient, and very bright.

Sadly she ended up in a different class this year (nothing to do with my DS). He was so sad, the first day of grade three, to find out they wouldn't be classmates again.

He seems to have adjusted just fine. He no longer mentions her - I don't think he's forgotten her, but he no longer seems fixated on her. I'll never forget, though, how much she meant to him. I'm really grateful to her for being such a ray of sunshine for him in grade two.

Anyway... no advice, just common ground

He brought home some graded work today. On the back he had drawn a heart with an arrow through it and the first five letters of her name, as well as his. I asked him what that meant, and he said, "It's love's arrow through the heart."

I'm -so- not ready for this. The thought has crossed my mind to talk to the teacher about it, too. But maybe I should wait to hear from her if it's a problem or not.

As an aside, he said she was "in a good mood" today and was willing to have him race her. All was well in his world and he said, "I don't need to think about our conversation about____anymore, mom." To which I responded, "What I said still stands. You need to give her some space and play with other kids." He was mute after that.

Funny thing: Her first name happens to be the same name we would have chosen for our child if it had been a girl. How weird is that?

Perhaps I'm psychic? *wink*

LOL... Giftedness does tend to run in families

"He seems to have adjusted just fine. He no longer mentions her - I don't think he's forgotten her, but he no longer seems fixated on her. I'll never forget, though, how much she meant to him. I'm really grateful to her for being such a ray of sunshine for him in grade two."

I generally remained fixated for about 6 to 8 years, as I recall.

I subsequently replaced it with another multi-year fixation in middle school, if I recall correctly.

No, you are definitely not alone. A few weeks ago my DD, second grade, told me that she wrote "a love letter" to her crush. "Dear {name}: I love you. Your secret admirer." I asked her if she left it on his desk and she said "No I walked up and handed it to him." I asked how he responded. "He didn't say anything. I think he must have thought he was hallucinating!"

My DD decided she was marrying her little boyfriend when she was all of 3. She had the whole wedding planned - invited guests everywhere she went, picked out her bridesmaids and even asked Santa to bring her a wedding dress "It needs to be pink, just my size and look like a big piece of cake." This went on for 2 years and the boy, who initially started out crying "But Mommy I don't want to get married" eventually went along with it and started planning their honeymoon, etc. When she started kindergarten, though, she called it off because....

"I realized there are other fish in the sea..."

Our DD had her first crush at 4-5. DW had been doing some babysitting as a way to earn some extra money and still be full-time engaged with DD, and this boy was one they saw regularly. From all accounts (I never met him) he's very nice, polite, and they played together spectacularly well.

Then they both started school, so there was no reason for them to see each other anymore, but they did come together from time to time for birthday parties and whatnot. At one particular such gathering, the boy was overheard to say to another kid, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to play with anyone else," while looking back at my expectant DD. Oh. My. What has she done to him?

By first grade his name wasn't coming up anymore, and one day my DD was expounding on a relationship at school that she thought was totally gross. DW and I are listening her describe their activities, which included kissing of some sort, and we're thinking this is all just part of the age-appropriate "boys are icky" reaction. But as the conversation evolves, it becomes apparent that her primary objection is that the boy involved is someone she finds particularly unattractive, so why this girl would be kissing on someone that ugly, she can't fathom.

So I offer, "What if this was B?", referring to her crush from 4-5.

"Oh. Well, that I could understand."

Yikes.

"So I offer, "What if this was B?", referring to her crush from 4-5.

"Oh. Well, that I could understand."

Yikes."

One of my high school friends apparently tried to perform things that he saw on porn movies with one of his girl friends when he was about 5 or 6.

I'm not sure that I needed to remember that.

Thanks, Dude.