Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school To teach or not to teach?

Are you a fan of teaching children rules and getting them to do things the "right" way and use materials "correctly" (like Montessori schools insist upon)

Or, are you a fan of leaving preschoolers alone and just letting them figure things out as they go? (like if they want to pretend the mouse is a phone instead of learning to use it correctly, just let them - don't even bother trying to get them to use it correctly until they decide they want to?)

I was all about the Montessori way of doing things, which is - you get your toys you can play pretend with, but when it comes to using learning materials, you must use them correctly. But now I don't know what to do.

My 24 month old knows all her letters and letter sounds, loves practicing counting and wants to do learning-type activities, but when I show her how to use materials I get screamed at. If I persist, there is a tantrum. So I don't usually persist. But then again, sometimes she takes the instruction and tries to mimic me. I never know what she's going to do. Her behavior is pretty age appropriate, obviously.

She read "happy" off the TV yesterday and then we did some reading games and she would get a bunch of the words right (picking 1 out of 4)...but then we'd try again later and she'd get nothing right. I'm pretty doubtful she's reading. Either way, I feel like I need to *do* something to keep her learning. She watches a lot of TV every day and I want to counter that with some good activities where we spend time together. She keeps asking for the cat on Reading Eggs after we did it, so she enjoyed herself.

Anyway, I'm afraid that insisting she use things correctly is terrible for her creativity and free spirit... but at the same time I feel like it's my job to help her organize her thoughts and actions- to show her there are rules to how things work and to help her understand how to use the tools and materials so that she can do new things (like play games using a mouse, or cut paper to eventually make creative crafts.)

The Montessori books I've read made a very strong case for insisting tools be used correctly, and that giving the child those skills and tools allows for even more sophisticated learning, creativity and exploration, so in the long run, it's a good thing.

But... she's only 2. So.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I don't control how my kids play outside of safety, respect, and decorum.

I bought DS those sets of 100 interlocking blocks with Singapore math when he was 4. For 2 years, he and my daughter played mommy and baby blocks with them. There was some sort of rule about how the linked blocks break apart that determines when the baby blocks get fed and the mommy and daddy blocks have a new baby block. We also used them 2-3 times to illustrate regrouping in subtraction. Recently DS told me that he knows the answer to a math problem before he starts because he can see the size of the blocks needed for each number and the difference or what the sum would look like. That unstructured, not following the rules play, evidently contributed to building a fundamentally intuitive number sense without being taught.

To me the tantrums are a flag that something needs to be changed in the overall situation.

We are not Montessori people, orthodox or otherwise, so I can't speak to the materials. But it sounds to me as though your DD is not ready to learn in a formal situation. Most kids this age learn by playing. Instead of teaching her, maybe you could play with her, pretend things, explore, and so on?

Reading/writing can come up naturally in play, and that's ok. (Making menus while playing restaurant, etc.) But 2 is too young for formal instruction, IMO.

DeeDee

I think she's watching too much TV, really... and I'm wondering if we have too *little* structure and rules in the house- maybe if I create some, things will go more smoothly once she's gotten used to the new situation.

Also, the yelling or even tantrums (they are very short) is always about her wanting to accomplish something on her own... she can't do it... I try to help or show her again and then she freaks. That's normal 2 or 3 year old do-it-myself stuff, right?

This.

A) you won't create a bad experience by being too eager about their advanced abilities,

and

B) child-led learning happens faster and sticks more than parent-led.

Where does Dora-led (etc.) fit into the picture? Or LeapPad-led... or book-led? There are devices and books that teach her stuff, so I'm not sure it's different than me showing her new things. She seeks out the shows, books, and toys herself and wants to use them / watch them. I'd like to be the one showing her stuff, too. I'm just not sure where the line is- how to keep it all balanced. I don't want to push at all, but I also don't want to let her down and not provide experiences that could help her out in the long run.

You can! Show her the things that a leap pad and Dora can't- interaction, imaginative play, etc... I agree that playing restaurant or tea party can be just as instructive and perhaps more so than any lesson at this age.

I am actually a fan of Montessori methods- and I do believe that an older child should be taught how to handle materials. But the more important philosophy of Montessori is follow the child. Watch her and interact with her in a way that she's seeking. She can learn letters from a show or a leap pad. But she can not learn to converse from those. If she seems to be begging for a lesson, give her only as much as she's asked for and then see if she's satisfied or if she wants more. If she's throwing a tantrum, she may not feel like you are understanding what she wants.

If she seeks them out, I'd consider this child led. My definition of child led is anything (electronic, paper, etc.) that your child wants to do, Vs. something you "assign" her. I sat for hours with my DD with books, but she would toddle after me book in hand and tug at my pant leg, rather than me scooping her up from the floor and bringing her to the books.

ITA.

I would also add one thing - the likelihood that you will mess up your child's education and future school choices by what you teach or how you teach them now, at 2, is extremely slim (maybe non-existent). OTOH, this is the one chance you'll have to enjoy having this particular toddler in your house, to play with this particular human being while they are two, to just have fun with her while is two. I wouldn't obsess over learning - let you child show you what she wants, follow her lead, and most importantly, just have fun! The early years go by very quickly. And EG/PG/HG+ whatever kids... are going to be smart, whether or not their parents give them a leap pad when they are two or obsess over what they are learning.

Best wishes,

polarbear

She's said before MG not EG runs in her family. I don't think she's trying to make an EG child, she just wants to engage with her child as a home preschooler (it's fun). Maybe I can help with the other part a little bit. How does a preschool teacher teach her class of two and three year olds? She engages them, but doesn't ask any child to answer every question. The questions aren't really quizzing them to find out if they understand, either. You'll know they understand when you catch them independantly using a skill you showed them when they're off doing their own thing. It happens. Kids learn. Really, at first, you're leading/teaching/ showing them that this is what we (people) do- we learn from other people teaching us. (disclaimer- there are many philosophies that say this is incorrect). But early on you really want to lead her not push her. For example, by modeling, by narrating exaggeratedly when you do the skills you want her to learn. If you ask her to do something and she doesn't do it YOU jump in and do all the problems quickly and cheerfully like you don't want her to do it. She'll push you out the way to do it sometimes. The times she doesn't, that's okay. You can do the work in front of her and if she's engaged, interested, if you're interesting, she'll learn what you're trying to teach her and even "do it self", you're way, the way you're trying to teach her more and more often.

Later comes the time for a gentle balanced push, for a period. After several years you will have modled, coaxed, and led her into the learning lifestyle. She will understand that learning is what we do and she'll know how to do it. At that point it will be child paced. The child will do most of the work and they'll get you to do some of it (opposite of above). This is where the balanced push comes in. Sometimes you help and do the work in front of them. Sometimes you tell them they have to do it themselves. (this is second grade level-ish normally). This is where the tantrums come in, but it's a different tantrum, it's groaning, rolling, procrastinating, excusesing.
That's only for parts they get stuck on because they mostly like learning.

To me, the child-led, interest led is when they're tweens.
JMO, I've spent lots of time during my childhood caring for children. That's where I got these opinions from.