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DS is playing less and less with his friends. He's 3.5, too little for the kinds of clubs that have, like, you know, topics. And he's not socially mature, etc. This seems to be making him unhappy and frustrated. Also some adults who used to get him are having more and more trouble connecting.

Any suggestions for finding friends he can talk to about chemistry, big cats, and mars rovers? He wants to be able to TALK to people, but his articulation is only barely age appropriate.

We're a little stuck. Again. Arg.

have you checked out if there are any meetup groups in your area for kids with similar interests? Any gifted groups?

I do believe socializing is important but I don't think it's something you can force on anyone. Have you tried to figure out what exactly is it that makes him unhappy and frustrated?

Aw, poor guy. That gap between intellect and articulation sounds frustrating. Maybe a museum with a child's science class? (depends on where you live, I know) When DD3 was 2 I asked for permission for her to attend a child and parent science class for 3-6 year olds, which she loved. We're still going to the classes, and she meets up with another bright friend there and they have a great time (until she throws a tantrum when I try to take her home-- last time, mid-tantrum, she dropped the animal habitat she had built and was devastated).

There are 800 000 000 groups. He's not socially mature enough to join groups meant for older kids. It turns into a real disaster. The stuff he does go to is mostly meant for all ages, or 3-6 yr olds. He's the youngest in all cases right now. He tries to socialize. We're having a really hard time finding any adults, even, who will HEAR the damned words he's saying... and his articulation is low average, it's not like it's auful... it just seems like noone is willing to really talk to him.

He says he's unhappy because people aren't listening. Which is absolutely 100% true. Today, an adult asked him if it was possible to swim in a certain place (we're reading a book to him about the place that is aimed at 6-8 yr olds, and she was trying to start a conversation about the book, but she clearly doubted his understanding, and was going for the real bargain-basement comprehension questions instead of a real conversation). He said "no," she looked surprised, and asked why not, he listed several dangers, naming predatory animals and other specifics. His answer was accurate and detailed, and comprehensive in the context of the book, which is the only thing he's encountered about it. She never got past saying she wanted to go swim there. She just kept asking "why not" even though he'd given her a very clear answer.

I was frankly frustrated just listening. And this is a person I think of as a particularly good example of someone who tries really hard to make a connection with him.

We live in a big city and have excellent resources... but it just seems insurmountable, this mole-hill we've got over here.

sorry for the obvious frustration, it's not at you guys, it's at the universe we all happen to be inhabiting

Half the kids on here (admittedly not exactly selected to be "average," I realize!) are reading books like this one to themselves at his age. Why is it such a shocker he can understand it when it's read aloud?

He always seems to know more about his current topic of interest than even the adults he's talking to... not topics he's obsessed by, topics he's interested in because that's the current book in the series or whatever. But that seems like it's the way it should be, since he's the one who just read a book. The topics are often obscure enough most people won't happen to know anything about it (such as man-eating wildlife in a particular body of water halfway aroudn the world) -- but I guess they don't like it that he happens to know something they don't.

The other day someone wouldn't even believe him when he answered about what his halloween costume was. (he was a knight) _Why_ is he provoking this kind of response????????? How is he provoking this sort of response???????? what exactly is wierd about a 3.5 yr old knight? isn't that kinda.... typical?????

Maybe I need to find younger kids he can "teach," but younger kids won't be interested, for the most part. blech.

Yeah, the internet says that's going to be a problem for a very long time. You know, very little kids parallel play when gifted little kids want pretend play. Bigger little kids group play when bigger little gifted kids start looking for meaningful friendships. And I think that's just how some folks talk to kids. If that's how they talk to their neices and grandkids then that's how they'll talk to all the little kids. I guess most kids like it, mind do, they just melt in and act silly like they found an aunt or grandma and eat up that kind of playful attention. So if those folks have one mode for kids and it works for most kids then it works for them.
I like it when that happens because I know they're not pestering someone. When they just start talking and talking and the adult is just nodding, smiling, and saying uh-huh then I know my kid likes the attention but I'm not sure if the adults just being polite but my kid has them cornered in a conversation, so when that happens I usually pull my kid away because I'm not sure.

Lets make a list of the common stumbling blocks (mountains) of gifted children...

speech
handwriting
social skills

I have not met your son and am no expert but I suspect that the diction quality is having a much greater impact on people's interactions with him than you may be aware. Just like teachers can't seem to comprehend that a gifted child who can't output vast amounts of neat handwriting on a boring topic might in fact be the most advanced kid in the class, I suspect adults hearing an average 2yr old voice with an average 2yrold diction cannot comprehend that they might be listening to far higher content....

My 2nd child has a DYS FSIQ. Probably not achievement yet, though she may be heading there. But my third child, who may or may not be of a similar level of giftedness is the one who knocks people's socks off (age comparison). Her speech is not any better than #2s was (as I recall it) in diction, vocab, grammar, anything. But as well great diction, vocab, etc she will talk to anyone, anywhere, NON STOP. If she runs out of things to say she will ask if you like the sound of the jingle that introduces the news on the radio.... She asks the toothbrushes how they are doing today while going to the toilet if no-one is in there to talk to her. Her preschool report is one big euphemism for "OMG would someone please just shut this kid up!!!"

She's not watching or reading anything informative or educational because my poor neglected children watch too much tv and are made to major in dress up and sandpit at this age. So she's not saying anything scientific to random strangers, it's just perfectly understandable social chit chat, what she's wearing, what she's doing, what she just saw, and on and on and on in great detail and people respond because she speaks so remarkably clearly and so socially confidently.

She's also huge, so when they hear her speak like a 4yr old they probably assume she's more like 4 than 2.5 (I was getting "So she's about 3.5?" questions before she was 2).

Er, the point I was trying to make was the she doesn't seem any different to ME than her older sister, but she sure gets a different response from other people because she's so much more social. It took me ages to figure out why people kept asking me whether #2 was talking yet when I felt like she never stopped talking - she only talked to me.

Rather than clubs for little kids have you thought about Science Fairs for older kids? I assume he would probably enjoy looking at the different projects and the kids presenting might enjoy talking to someone who is genuinely interested in their topic - even if that someone is only 3.5. They might be likely to get the words he's using and actually talk to him. Heck, you may encounter some kids who were similar when they were little.

Is there a science center or museum near you? Even if he's not mature enough to participate independently in a group he may enjoy presentations, movies, lectures, etc on his topics of interest. The other people attending - child or adult - would by definition be interested in the same topics. I realize that this is different than finding friends with similar interests but at least it could help relieve his current frustration. If there is a university nearby you may also find groups there. Again - he won't find same age peers but at least he could talk about the things that interest him with people who will understand. Maybe attend a rocket launch on a weekend?

Just a few ideas. Hopefully he can enjoy be the younger kid that an older one is "teaching" for the time being. Good luck!

Mph grumble grumble. ok, I'm gonna try and find some stuff. We have AWESOME resources here, and we've tried a lot of this stuff.

Ok, I'll try harder. Sheesh, grumble grumble.