Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy On lonliness...

During bedtime tuck-in last night, my ds6 said in the gravest tone, "I wish my friends liked what I like." Have your kids ever found and connected with peers with similar passions? My ds is a chameleon socially and plays super hero/spy/ninjago per his friends. But those are not his things. He has no one but his dad and me who will marvel at an atlas or help him build a double helix dna model.

I get that part of any childhood involves lonliness...do you find your kids are especially vulnerable? Beyond gifted programs, how have you found like-passioned friends?

Davidson Informal Gatherings

This.

It also is perfectly possible to cultivate interests in common with peers. DS had no natural inclination for sports, but having worked on it, it's been a valuable way to connect with other boys at recess. He has broadened his interests over time, without losing the more unusual ones, which I see as all to the good.

DeeDee

This is where the gifted magnet has made a big difference for us. I need to stop and appreciate that more often. DD fits in so much better there.

Thanks for your input everyone.

Dee-Dee, my ds is VERY lucky that he pretty much "passes" for your typical 6 year old boy (well, lucky with peers NOT with teachers). He's not extremely sporty, but plays soccer with a team full of school friends. He has several kids in the neighborhood that he can run around with like a mad man. I think he really enjoys his friendships.

Where I think he's lonely is that he never really gets to "pick" the fun. If he offers an idea (I watched him suggest to his friend that they play with his globe one day), he is usually met with a scoff.

I asked him more about this yesterday. He said that he's really disappointed that there is "abosolutely NO science, history, real math, or geography at school...and I mean at ALL, Mom!"

MON...yeah, I think he's getting a clearer picture that there is something that is fundamentally different with him compared to most of his peers. He is dually proud and grim about this.

We've found that a lot of extracurricular 'learning' opportunities around here have more kids with PARENTS interested in them learning than KIDS actually interested in the subjects. He was really bummed by a recent science "group" at the library which had very basic science concepts and a lot of goofy kids who just wanted to play outside. He is finally getting mature enough we might be able to push him into some higher age groups for activities.

Yesterday, he suggested we make posters: WANTED - boys who like science, math and Lego Star Wars. LOL!

Evemomma-
I can relate so much to this post. I actually tried talking to ds teacher about it (not sure why). My ds also conforms at school to fit in with other kids, but never plays or asks about those things at home. We were at a museum bookstore recently, when ds started looking at adult books about animals. He said, "I know these are for older people, but when can I start learning more facts about animals?" Made me think that I probably should look into some of that. Ds would love it.
I don't have any advice, as I keep thinking my ds feels different. He has not told me that, but has "no friends" according to ds in his class and has asked lots of questions about when he can go to 1st grade. In the past, I know my ds was allowed to read to the kids in his class everyday which helped. This year, he is not asking for play dates and seems ok with spending time with me, dh, and ds2. He just finished soccer and had friends there. He also swims and loves it. I've been told once he gets put in gifted, it will help cuz there will be more kids with higher level thinking to pick from. We'll see.
I can say if my ds saw the poster you ds made, he would be calling the same day! Good luck. Hang in there. These are hard life lessons to learn...and watch. If you gain insight, please share.

lol, expect another responder from my DS6.

I wonder when telepresence will be invented.

I do wish we could pull a Star Trek and teleport our kids for playdates! Today, my ds6 said he wanted to discuss the electoral college with his friends but none of them were interested ...along with 75% of adults in this country

...if not more.

There's always Skype....

Did she grow out of the sadness, loneliness? We are in a similar place with our DS6. I keep hoping that it is a stage in life and the pain he seems to carry will ease as he gets older.