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    #141987 11/01/12 09:37 AM
    Joined: May 2012
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    I see that my ds6 seems to have 'selective empathy' with others. He can be VERY caring at times, but is also easily annoyed and intolerant of younger kids, especially. He is great with his little sister, but does not seem to afford other younger kids the same forgiveness. I see ds as DEFINTELY a follower, and vulnerable to following the actions of kids who may have no empathy at all.

    To make along story short, I came to understand a situation in my ds6' K class while on a field trip yesterday. There is a little boy, who seems very young, hyper, impulsive, but wants desperately to be friends with my ds6 and other boys in the class. He is definitely the outsider (which totally breaks my heart...I HATE to see kids left out).

    My ds6 reported that this boy is always rough, silly, getting into trouble, and "following me around". I talked to ds about understanding that this boy is really looking to fit in with some friends and is probably pretty lonely.

    During the field trip, the two boys I was watching included this other boy in their group (most kids were paired off with one parent, but this boy was just with his dad). They played well together during that time and seemed to have fun.

    How have you tried to help your child increase their empathy skills for other children while at the same time respecting that not everyone wants to be friends? Or that it's hard to be friends with someone who is constantly in your space and getting in trouble?

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    In those situations, we get revenge for DS6's toddler years by pestering him with whys and hows.

    And in the same light, I suppose we cast him into the role of junior psychoanalyst. Why do you think he feels that way? How would that make him feel? He also likes to do freeform play where we make up characters and situations together. If something has happened that seems to want exploring, but he is reticent, I can explore it more obliquely.

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    DD7 recently complained about her friend following her around. What we do is try to teach her to see things from the perspective of others. In this case, the girl was having a sleepover at our house, she's in a strange place, doesn't feel like she belongs, and she came over to play with you... of course she's going to follow you around.

    And the converse, of course... we want to help her analyze her own reactions.

    Oh, she followed you to the bathroom, too? Yeah, I can understand your reaction there. That's kinda creepy.

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    Thanks everyone!


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