Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Like a punch in the stomach...

That sounds like the Integrated Visual and Auditory Continuous Performance Test, except it was 1s and 2s for DD.

It put her to sleep. She dozed off.

Her scores on it (0.04 percentile to 75th percentile) were largely discounted in light of the observations that the neuropsych made during the exam as well as the results of parts of the NEPSY and the various rating scales.

DD and I both thought that the test ought to be banned by the Geneva Convention. It was torture.

LOL. Neuropsych said "most kids really enjoy doing it." Really?

Our neuropsych was more honest, though he though invoking the Geneva Convention was going a little too far.

Had our IEP meeting today with both psych and neuropsych attending. It was very interesting to say the least. Everyone on the team paid rapt attention as the neuropsych went through his report, explaining it in detail. He said "DD is one of those kids you really have to think about..." He kept driving home not only her "high level of intellect" but how much the difference between her conceptual abilities and performance levels affected her. It was pretty impressive.

He spent a lot of time talking about her inattentiveness, fidgeting when she had to work independently and "cognitive impulsivity". The psych, however, pointed out that "there are a lot of reasons for fidgeting" and explained how in her opinion everything he noted about her attentiveness is actually a result of her anxiety. She explained that DD "lives in hot task environment all the time." (She used as an example the stress of driving to a new place for the first time being a "hot task" but driving home on a familiar route being a "cold task".) "She wants to do better but her brain doesn't let her" and "she gets flooded with anxiety." Neuropsych seemed to drop it pretty quickly...

So it was again hard sitting and hearing each of DD's challenges pointed out and discussed. It really seems like too much to comprehend. He said he redid her IQ testing because there was SO much scatter last year and sure enough the scatter was repeated. I guess we no longer have a question about whether or not we are really seeing this profile which I have been told over and over is "exceedingly rare."

In the end I think the 2 experts were able to get the folks at DD's school to understand that not only are her challenges truly daunting but she is doing an AMAZING job of dealing with them. Yes, she has anxiety and headaches and somatic complaints but "most kids with this profile would be defiant and oppositional - she is not." The psych said that her "kind and sweet nature" means that she uses kindness as her defense strategy. Interesting concept. However there is concern that this will make her vulnerable to bullying...

Anyway, the neuropsych explained that DD does not meet all the diagnostic criteria for NLD "but it's a helpful diagnostic concept." So I guess I won't worry too much about the specific labels and just look at them as tools to get her needs met. Right?

After more than an hour of discussion about how to make DD more comfortable, how to address her anxiety, how to get her to stay in her classroom all day instead of feeling a need to use her break-pass to get out I couldn't take it anymore. I asked why on earth they were using a public shaming classroom management technique that makes her uncomfortable and is at cross purposes with everything we were talking about addressing. I asked the teacher if there was a reason the checkmarks she was using in lieu of colors HAD to be public. "Can't you record the checks privately? Both you and the child involved would know what your area of concern is but you can leave out the public component." Her reason was "I have used it in the past and have found it effective." I answered "The theory behind these systems is to embarrass the child being punished and induce anxiety in the other kids in the room so that they don't repeat the behavior. But you have a child in the room with a known anxiety issue and a negative reaction to these systems. If there is no compelling reason to make it public why can't you just use your system privately??????" So, they are going to try it. Not a permanent change but to "collect data" - if she leaves the classroom less often they will see if there is an impact. Totally disregarding that the effect of the system is already present and/or that they are providing a para and enrichment as of today/tomorrow respectively. But hey - if they got it we wouldn't have had to spend MONTHS on such a simple concept - huh?

Well, you are making progress.

It sounds like you will need to be most vigilant on the anxiety issue and avoid the public shaming techniques at all costs.

And the 2e plus kindness as a defense mechanism does sound like a potential problem from bullying.

And labels are tools to get needs met in a school environment.

I've thought about this for the last few days and frankly I feel a bit clueless. It seems obvious to my DH and apparently also to JonLaw but I am not getting WHY kindness would make DD a target for bullying. Can someone explain this to me? Have any of you had this situation?

I guess I'm naive but I can't figure out why the kid who is nice to everyone and has a sweet nature would cause kids to be mean to her. She used to continue to try to be friendly with kids with behavior problems even as other kids distanced themselves so that she tended to be in physical proximity when they lashed out. After being injured over and over she no longer does this - she keeps her distance from kids she thinks may physically hurt her. She hasn't made this connection in terms of kids lashing out verbally or emotionally but does this really equate with "making her vulnerable to bullying"?

I'm not sure that I think it's so much that she would be a specific target for bullying per se as much as once a bully does bully her, he may find the experience and lack of consequences deeply satisfying and thus find himself a wonderful target for his continued bullying needs.

Some people also give out "please bully me" vibes that bullies can read and respond to. I don't know whether she gives off these vibes or not.

That ability does not always (or often) follow from being someone who is always nice.

Being nice, even in the face of an insult or other testing of the waters by a soon-to-be-bully, leads to trouble when the person lodging the insult then decides that she can get away with it. Hey, I just needled this girl, and she didn't run and tell the teacher. Maybe I ought to try harder.

I'm told DD has never lodged an unkind word at another individual at school. Yet, as a rules follower that is also rather socially awkward, she's been subject to systematic bullying, both physical and emotional.

We are working on being less of a doormat and having a bit more social smarts, but we struggle against the thought that she will lose her instinct always be kind to others.

DS on the other hand, is also consistently kind to others, but when kids try to insult him, he shows some rough edges. So far, it seems enough to prevent the other kids from prodding further.

This was the point I was trying to make.

Does she get upset when she's bullied? Nice or not, I think a lot of bullies love to see the reaction. My DD is well-liked, fun, and lacking in "mean girl" energy. However, she is an emotionally immature hothead and "loses it" easily. For this reason, she has sometimes become a target, although it helps that she has a posse of friends who try to protect her.