Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Preschool teacher

Hi all. I wanted to introduce myself and my son and also get some feedback. My son is almost 4, and we've known from a very young age that he is different. Last year he memorized the United States in alphabetical order. He is already adding (which I learned pretty much by accident). He's also a very emotionally intense kid. We had him evaluated recently, and they diagnosed him with SPD and anxiety, but we also confirmed his IQ is within the gifted range (and the psych said he expected it to be higher once he had more crystallized processes and better executive functioning).

We had him at a Montessori school, but he freaked out every day and told us he didn't like school. We decided to move him this year to a school with more structure and choice for play. He is much happier there, and it's only been a couple of weeks. It's a pre-k through 12 school, and they are known for academics.

The teacher knew he was having an eval done, and the day after when I told her very prelim info, she said something to the effect of having a learning disability. Once I was able to talk to her more after we got the results, she acted like the IQ thing was ridiculous. My son doesn't participate much so she doesn't see the advanced skillset. To be fair, I have discovered most of it by accident - I learned he knew how to add when he was counting his poop. Anyhow, today I was in his class, and his teacher gave him an informal assessment as soon as he got to school. I could tell he didn't understand directions, and when I approached to ask him what he was doing, she said, "It's just a little assessment to see if he understands quantity. He doesn't." Oy vey. I'm really at a loss of how to proceed with her. He is getting a lot out of his class, so maybe I just leave it, though I do know her opinion will weigh heavily on placement decisions for next year (his birthday is after sept 1 cutoff but not by much). I feel like she is discounting his intelligence, and I worry about that hindering his growth.

I've just started reading Living with Intensity and am hopeful there are strategies in there that might help. But I also wanted to see if you had any that you've tried or some perspective!

Hi techXX - Welcome! Sorry we missed your post. I don't have time to respond much, but I wanted to bump your post so others would see it. I am sorry you have to deal with such an unreasonable preschool teacher. I remember when my kiddo's kindergarten told us that she "just didn't see it" when we told her of our kiddo's advanced verbal ability. It turned out that she was right, though - she didn't see it because our kiddo was super shy and didn't want to stand out or speak up in class.

I will try to post later. I do think you should have some strategy if this teacher will keep your kiddo out of GT programming next year.

I have one of those kids that won't show what they know. DS2.5 acts as probably your average 1.5-year old ... the way he speaks (as in ... he really doesn't) ... the way he acts (he'll wash his hands in a cup and drink from a puddle!) ... and do all sorts of goofy things ... yet, what he is NOT showing to the stranger's eye is that he could do upper and lower case alphabet including phonics before he turned 2, he could recognize numbers count to 20 and do countdown from 10-0 before he turned 2, he learned colors and shapes in a matter of 10 minutes right after he turned 2 ... two months ago he started reading words phonetically ... and I could go on and on ... yet he has zero interest in showing any of this to anyone. Only on rare occasions he decides to be a show off and starts doing some of this. But other than that he likes to play dumb. ... oh, and his latest thing ... I saw him drawing letters couple days ago, yet he won't use utensils (not even try) and eats everything with his hands! I can't wait till the time comes and I'll be trying to explain to someone that he's very likely gifted! ... oh, and he has a great sense of humor ... you can read in his eyes a lot of times he's just testing everything and everyone.

so, good luck and I hope you get through to the teacher! ... this coming from a parent of a child whose IQ will probably be somewhere in the 140-150 range but if he was tested I doubt it would show a number higher than IQ of a dog! lol ... not trying to put down my son ... just being real!

I think teachers probably get a bit jaded by every parent thinking their child is amazingly brilliant (which...of course parents think their kids are great!) . But when a child is truly gifted, teachers may think it's the same old 'my child is special' mantra they hear every year. Since it's the beginning of the year, hopefully his teacher will have lots of time to really get to know your ds' talents. Frankly, if most of ds' preschool teachers were impressed with his early reading and advancement, they kept it to themselves - even though they knew he was the only reading 3 year-old in class.

His prek teacher last year made a few comments...but it was the assistant
teacher who finally (at least in my eyes) talked with me about ds' hunger for learning and ability to retain knowledge. Up until then, I wasn't sure ds was asking the in depth questions and displaying his ability to quickly synthesize information the way he did at home.

Yeah. sigh. I think many of us have been there.

DD(then 6) Grade 2:
"I don't think she's as smart as you think she is."
Then, a few months later...
"We pulled her out to do some testing and it looks like you were right after all - she is advanced."

Ah... vindication.

In preschool (4) she was showing a little bit of advancement initially (i.e. writing words instead of drawing pictures like the other kids) but started playing chameleon the minute she discovered she was the only one. Since then it's been a struggle to convince the teachers.

When she was a toddler at home with no peers, it was a totally different story of course - happily reading (Dr Suess) at three, math including multiplication, etc etc, but get her in with typical peers... and she shuts down. Now at 9 she's in the gifted pull-out math program, which is nice.

Anyway, to the OP, teachers will think what they think, and you can either roll with the punches and wait, or start compiling evidence (i.e. portfolio material) to show them.

Hang in there, and keep on advocating.

As a teacher, I totally agree with the first part. In some communities, even being just "above average" carries stigma... for the parents. The parents then pass that info along to their kids (a fourth grader should be doing xyz, why is she doing abc and why is he doing qrs) and suddenly the kids go from blissfully doing their thing to worrying and mocking and gloating and acting out and withdrawing and who knows what else.

And then as a parent, I had the exact experience you reported, in three year-old preschool last year. At our first get-to-know-you conference, I tried to explain that he was starting to put sounds together into words, as well as adding, etc., and the teacher just nodded and said "we're working on making sure they really know what the numbers MEAN," implying that we had just had him memorize the phrase "two plus two equals four." Nope, he had figured out adding numbers of objects on his own and we explained subtraction to him shortly thereafter. But yeah, the nodding and smiling.

Fast forward to his spring conference: "I'm going to miss him so much, but am kind of relieved you guys are moving because we've put him through all the four year-old curriculum already, and he's leading THAT bunch. I'm not sure what we'd do with him in preschool for another year. I've never had a kid like him."

It's hard having inside info on both sides of the parent-teacher dynamic. I know what the parents are thinking/saying about the teachers who don't believe them right away, and I know what the teachers are saying about the parents who INSIST that their kid is OMG SO SPECIAL YOU JUST DON'T SEE IT. Both parties get pretty jaded pretty quickly: the parents of the truly exceptional kids who feel like they have to advocate for and prove every little thing, and the teachers who have seen so many cases of parents trying to push their kid into something that's not necessarily appropriate that they have a hard time looking at such things with clear eyes.

I also have a non-show-off-y kid. Ask him to read and he'll read. Ask him to write and he'll write. Ask him to add and he'll add. But don't ask him to do any of these things and he'll just as happily spend his day working on the letter H for the third (YES, THIRD) week in a row and then zooming toy cars around the room. It's the third week of 4K in our new town and I'm nearly 100% certain that he's not even a blip on his teacher's radar at this point. He presents as a "typical" four year-old boy, probably on the active and slightly immature end of the four year-old boy spectrum.

My plan is to let everyone settle in to the school year (they just switched rooms, the teacher is new, etc.) and then take a closer look at things.

I just wanted to say that I feel for you and to hang in there. You are not alone!!

Our little boy is in Pre-k and is 4 at the end of the year. We are based in Australia so he's been in his class since feb. The teacher pays little attention to his giftedness and st the first parent/teacher conference we had the whole 'he needs to comprehend the story not just read it' 'we are working on counting to 3 in class'

He was tested a few months later and we have had confirmed that he is gifted, how gifted still remains a mystery as he ceilinged the test at only 3. So we certainly know he is at least highly gifted.

The problem is that he is 2e nd he doesn't show any of his amazing skills and talents at school.

We have not pushed at this stage and have allowed it to just be left unacknowledged but are pushing for extension with the principal for next year.

Have you tried meeting with the teacher to talk through exactly what his IQ tests mean? For us I think that was quite important and made them stand up and take notice.

I wish you the best of luck